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Please DON'T say "You're welcome"
Old 09-20-2020, 08:48 AM
  #1

Came across this video that got me thinking about different ways to respond to 'Thank you.'

Please DON'T say "You're Welcome"!

In my own case, one of the responses I have trouble accepting is the casual "No problem" when I thank someone, in particular, after paying for something in a store or restaurant. I've noticed I'm always aware of when this reply is used over most any other reply. I'm sure many will disagree, but to me it implies I was a potential problem. Seems that it tends to be used by the younger generations. Silly, I know, but if I had my choice, I'd prefer several of the other responses she suggests in this video.

"No worries" is just a nice response (to me) because it reminds me of my friends who came to visit from Australia a few years back. They were the first ones I had heard use it long before the term was used here in the U.S.

"My pleasure" usually from a store or restaurant employee, seems robotic and empty. Sometimes I've heard it after involved people work out a problem and one truly was glad to help the other. In that case, to say "my pleasure" seemed a sincere response.

Your thoughts?


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Old 09-20-2020, 08:54 AM
  #2

I think of "no problem" as reassurance whatever they did for you was NOT a problem.
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Old 09-20-2020, 09:01 AM
  #3

This is interesting to me. I have long felt a slight annoyance when I say thank you (as I always do) to any clerk, receptionist or businessperson and they reply, “You’re welcome.” Why? Because it negates the symbiotic, “it takes two” relationship. I feel they should reply, “Thank you.” A business only survives with customers or clients. They owe as much to me as I do to them. I hope that makes sense.

That being said, there are times when a worker has gone above and beyond and they fully deserve that sincere thank you from me.
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Agreed
Old 09-20-2020, 09:13 AM
  #4

Quote:
I think of "no problem" as reassurance whatever they did for you was NOT a problem.
I agree, that's how I think of it, too.
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You're welcome
Old 09-20-2020, 09:14 AM
  #5

I often say "you're welcome" because that was how I was brought up. However, I have to admit, I don't really understand it. You're welcome = you are welcome. Welcome to what? I don't get it. Sorry, maybe I'm stupid, but I don't get how that is a natural response to "thank you". "You're welcome". You're welcome to do what? What/where were you welcome to? It doesn't make sense to me.


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Old 09-20-2020, 09:16 AM
  #6

I’m thrilled with any resemblance of a positive response. Not going to get caught up in the form it takes. Sometimes people blurt the first thing that pops into their mind. Hello social anxiety.

I almost told the doctors office I love you. I rarely talk to anyone on the phone to anyone other than my DH and that is our standard end the call phrase. It all works.
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Old 09-20-2020, 09:25 AM
  #7

Funny, it bothers me a little when a server or clerk answers "no problem" when I say thank you, because after all they are doing their job so it shouldn't be a problem. But I think it's mostly younger people who do it, and I don't think they mean it that way. I do feel in a business setting it would be nicer to say "you're welcome" though.
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Old 09-20-2020, 09:30 AM
  #8

Quote:
I’m thrilled with any resemblance of a positive response. Not going to get caught up in the form it takes. Sometimes people blurt the first thing that pops into their mind. Hello social anxiety.
I agree with this. I hate that we as a society (not saying anyone here in particular, just to be clear) can get so hung up on even perfectly polite phrases, with how one is better than another. Part if it is my tendency (due to anxiety) to already overthink everything I say.
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Old 09-20-2020, 09:33 AM
  #9

I listened to what I could, but found the video annoying.

I say:

You're welcome (not yer welcome)

No problem

Not a problem.

My pleasure

And I'm sure several others if I really think about it.

Quote:
I’m thrilled with any resemblance of a positive response. Not going to get caught up in the form it takes. Sometimes people blurt the first thing that pops into their mind.
This!!!! What bothers me is people who don't respond at all when I say thank you. Even a "have a good day" would be better than nothing.
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Old 09-20-2020, 09:39 AM
  #10

I don’t care what the response is, but “thank you” almost always initially strikes me as a correction. Like as if my saying “thank you” was incorrect so they’re telling me it should have been the other way. It only strikes me that way for a nanosecond and I don’t get bothered by it, but that’s the way I hear it initially.

I don’t hear a difference between “no problem” and “no worries.” They’re both phrases telling you not to worry about having (potentially?) been a bother.


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I agree
Old 09-20-2020, 09:42 AM
  #11

about the positive response. I like having some sort of acknowledgement. I use "no worries" with many of my friends. The only time I hear "my pleasure" is at Chik-fil-a. None of the responses really bother me.
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Hmm...
Old 09-20-2020, 09:59 AM
  #12

I frequently say "you're welcome."

A "thank you" directed to me by someone means I did something for them, a service, or something nice, or something to help them out. My saying "you're welcome" in return is a courteous, conventional expression that conveys in a short phrase that you were welcome to my assistance, I was glad to do it, and I'd do it again.

I like the phrase "my pleasure" also, and use it at about the same rate as I do "you're welcome."

"No problem" to me is a bit rude, almost like a brush off.

But honestly, I'm happy for any expression of sincere, positive acknowledgment of my "thank you!"
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You’re welcome
Old 09-20-2020, 09:59 AM
  #13

None of the responses bother me. I’m gratified when anyone takes the time to be civil and make an acknowledgement. I suspect the varying response depend upon the situation, the action, and the age of people interacting.
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Old 09-20-2020, 10:12 AM
  #14

i like any response--even a nod and smile will do. i LIKE "my pleasure"--i don't think i hear it very often.

i'm wondering what *I* say.... maybe "you bet"--which i'm thinking some people might take offense to...

shrugs

isn't it funny how we all have our "things"? what bothers one, doesn't bother another and vice versa. it's what makes our world so interesting! for example, it bugs me a bit when sales people ask (on the phone or in person), "can i help you?" when CLEARLY i'm looking for help. i think the appropriate question is, "how can i help you?"

but i do try to remember my mom's advice "don't sweat the small stuff"...(i don't *always* follow it though.)
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Old 09-20-2020, 10:34 AM
  #15

I have to be honest. I can't imagine being bothered by the way someone replies to your "thank you". I have used no problem, no worries, you're welcome, and many others I'm sure. I am so confused as to how or why any of those responses would bother someone. They all seem sincere to me.

Last edited by Jackie; 09-20-2020 at 12:05 PM..
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Old 09-20-2020, 11:06 AM
  #16

Quote:
None of the responses bother me. I’m gratified when anyone takes the time to be civil and make an acknowledgement. I suspect the varying response depend upon the situation, the action, and the age of people interacting.
I feel the same. I use all of the variations stated previously. I never imagined any of them would be off putting to somebody

And Jackie- I’m with you... I’m honestly confused by it as well.
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Old 09-20-2020, 11:09 AM
  #17

I think saying "thank you" and "you're welcome" is being polite. I was taught that it was disrespectful to not do so. None of the responses bother me.
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Any of these are fine
Old 09-20-2020, 11:12 AM
  #18

My reaction to this discussion is, Get a life."

I'm sorry. That is a rude response. However, in each example the person's intent was to be kind and to acknowledge your thanks. There is a variety of ways to do that and some of us clearly have strong preferences for one or another. There certainly isn't agreement about which is 'best.' So just accept the spirit in which the response was made and move along.
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Thank you
Old 09-20-2020, 11:18 AM
  #19

Like TchrFvr, I also feel the 'no problem ' response is rude. But, I guess it depends on face expression and voice intonations. It depends on how it's said.

I tend to use, "Sure, Happy to help" when responding to a thank you. This phrase acknowledges their praise or thanking of me, and me responding back with my feeling of being happy to do whatever I did for them. It just feels good.
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Old 09-20-2020, 11:22 AM
  #20

I was actually just discussing this with a teammate. I'm a millennial and she's gen x. We were laughing over the fact that she discovered that apparently gen z thinks it's rude to say "ok" in a text, so they say "kk" instead. She thought to google it when she noticed both of our young teammates using it and wondered if it meant something. Apparently "kk" means "k, kewl" and signifies that you're okay with the outcome of the conversation whereas "ok" could be passive aggressive.

We were talking about how ridiculous that is and she said something about it being "that generation." And then I pointed out that boomers have somehow found a way to be offended by the phrase "no problem." She didn't believe me until she googled that also. Equally ridiculous if not more so. Be happy that someone gave you a positive response and move on.
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Any of these are fine
Old 09-20-2020, 11:24 AM
  #21

My reaction to this discussion is, Get a life."

I'm sorry. That is a rude response. However, in each example the person's intent was to be kind and to acknowledge your thanks. There is a variety of ways to do that and some of us clearly have strong preferences for one or another. There certainly isn't agreement about which is 'best.' So just accept the spirit in which the response was made and move along.

And thank you for the video link. Very interesting. I had never seen Rachel's English before and I really liked it.
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Old 09-20-2020, 11:26 AM
  #22

I agree to be happy someone gives a positive response. If you think a topic is stupid, you can just scroll on by and not respond.
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Old 09-20-2020, 11:31 AM
  #23

Life is too short! I’m not offended by polite responses.
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Old 09-20-2020, 11:54 AM
  #24

I like the Spanish response...”de nada”...”for nothing”. I guess it is sort of the same thing as “no problem”, but to me it implies that it’s such a pleasure to help you that I didn’t even realize I had done anything worth recognizing with a thank you.
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Must be my mood...
Old 09-20-2020, 11:54 AM
  #25

but I'm confused as to why anyone would get bothered by something like this. I'm with Keltikmom and Jackie. Any polite response is fine by me. It never even occurred to me that I might offend someone when I say "No problem!", because truly, if I say that, it really WAS no problem.

*shrug
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No problem
Old 09-20-2020, 12:15 PM
  #26

I take this more as an idiomatic expression versus a literal response if that makes sense. This reminds me that my mom hates when she asks someone how they're doing and they respond, "I can't complain."

I like this convo, it helps me see things from other people's perspective. I have to admit, I often reply with no problem in emails. It's one of those automatic gmail responses
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Old 09-20-2020, 12:24 PM
  #27

I’m wondering if most posters watched the video or if they took Risa’s subject title as a command.

The video is just about different ways to say “you’re welcome” so that you sound more like a native speaker. It’s for English language learners.
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Video
Old 09-20-2020, 12:33 PM
  #28

I didn't watch a video. I read the original post and replies then added my own.
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Old 09-20-2020, 12:35 PM
  #29

I'm happy with a polite response as well. You're welcome doesn't bother me, and no problem doesn't either (I also see it as this idea that it wasn't a problem for the person to do whatever it they did). My pleasure sounds nice to me.

Quote:
I have long felt a slight annoyance when I say thank you (as I always do) to any clerk, receptionist or businessperson and they reply, “You’re welcome.”
That one does get to me just a bit, because I worked in the service industry and we always thanked customers. Checking out? Thank you for coming (or for shopping XYZ). You're welcome makes it sound like they did me a favor by checking me out (which is their job). My thank you to them is a courtesy. I always thanked them back when I was doing those types of jobs.

Quote:
I don’t care what the response is, but “thank you” almost always initially strikes me as a correction.
Depending on the inflection and words, I have definitely had that split second reaction- like "no, thank YOU!"

Realistically, I am just happy with a positive acknowledgment of my thank you. I am more bothered when people don't say thank you in situations where there should be a courtesy or heartfelt thank you. I wasn't very impressed by the video (but her looking in shock at the screen was pretty hilarious-- "Siri didn't say 'you're welcome!' "), and she must be teaching people who already have a good grasp of English because she talks kind of fast (compared to what I would expect for someone teaching English to learners).
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Old 09-20-2020, 12:37 PM
  #30

I’m with Keltikmom and Jackie and Sassy. I’m too old and entrenched to say “no problem,” but it doesn’t bother me at all. For me it’s all about sincerity and not so much word choice.

However, I was enormously annoyed by the video. I found her perspective fascinating (as in train wreck I couldn’t look away). I imagine most well educated native English speakers find her lessons food for thought. But I can’t imagine her intended audience, English learners, can follow along. So much info so briefly stated. Just to be certain, I watched her next video about commonly mispronounced words. I honestly believe this is information most native speakers need (did you see the brilliant and well spoken Barack Obama as the mistake maker?). I ask, for whom are these lessons intended?
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Old 09-20-2020, 01:13 PM
  #31

Any response given with a smile and a good vibe is fine by me.
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Old 09-20-2020, 01:30 PM
  #32

I see the videos as for advanced learners. You know the English words and the standard grammar and are ready to take on colloquialisms, nuanced connotations, idiolects, and slang.

There’s a whole message board devoted to helping non-native speakers navigate the way English doesn’t actually conform to its own rules all the time. This video fits right in with that goal. I have a Japanese friend whose standard English when she first moved to the US was basically flawless, but that actually highlighted her non-native status because she didn’t know all the rules that we break and the connotation of many specific words and phrases. She did and does know much more about Standard English grammar than many native speakers, though.
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Old 09-20-2020, 02:35 PM
  #33

My thoughts?

The video was interesting, especially where she talked about saying "yer welcome."

I am actually one who says "you're welcome." I don't say "Yer welcome."
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Old 09-20-2020, 04:19 PM
  #34

I lived in Australia, and I definitely loved them saying, “No worries.”
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No problem
Old 09-20-2020, 04:22 PM
  #35

I said "no problem" today. I was jogging in the park. I was going one way and a walker was coming toward me in the opposite direction. I stepped off the path and kept running on the grass so that we would be distanced from each other. He said "thank you" and I said "no problem." And I meant that--it was no problem and I was glad to do it. It seems a more sincere response in this case than "you're welcome."
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Old 09-20-2020, 04:36 PM
  #36

Just to clarify, the only time I find "no problem" a little inappropriate is at a business. If it's said as in the example of the jogger, then it seems perfectly fine. But I'm not all that persnickety, so it's not like I obsess over it. It just strikes the wrong tone to me in that setting.
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Old 09-20-2020, 04:42 PM
  #37

I am a retired teacher and now work part time at a local store. We are never supposed to say no problem as a response to thank you. You're welcome, you're very welcome, and my pleasure are acceptable responses. I never thought about responses to thank you until I started to work there.
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Old 09-20-2020, 05:13 PM
  #38

Thank you, GraceKrispy! I’m glad you understand my point.

This is a time when “you’re welcome” is a perfect response, although there is no need for GraceKrispy to reply to me at all. But “thank you” wouldn’t make any sense in this situation.

Tia, thank you for this:
Quote:
isn't it funny how we all have our "things"? what bothers one, doesn't bother another and vice versa. it's what makes our world so interesting!
I agree. I don’t understand why some people have to chime in here with belittling comments just because someone has a different opinion.
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Old 09-20-2020, 06:02 PM
  #39

Quote:
Thank you, GraceKrispy! I’m glad you understand my point.

This is a time when “you’re welcome” is a perfect response, although there is no need for GraceKrispy to reply to me at all. But “thank you” wouldn’t make any sense in this situation.
My pleasure!
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