Grandchildren question - ProTeacher Community




Home Join Now Search My Favorites
Help


      Retired Teachers


Grandchildren question

>

Reply
 
Thread Tools
sky22's Avatar
sky22 sky22 is offline
 
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 1,361
Senior Member

sky22
 
sky22's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 1,361
Senior Member
Grandchildren question
Old 10-30-2018, 02:56 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #1

This is the only place I can ask this question because I wanted to know how other former teachers feel. I absolutely love my grandchildren...
ages 4 months, 2, 3, and 5. Don't mind watching them a few hours at a time, or if they are sick on an "as needed" basis.

However I don't enjoy feeling obligated to take them all day for sitting when the parents work. I feel really guilty about my attitude and am not sure where it comes from. Perhaps because I never had that option when I was parenting as GP lived far away. As a former elementary teacher I feel like I should want to do this. So... I am feeling so guilty. Would love to hear opinions on the subject.
The four children are in two different families and it would not be 4 together.


sky22 is offline   Reply With Quote

MathWA's Avatar
MathWA MathWA is offline
 
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 6,001
Senior Member

MathWA
 
MathWA's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 6,001
Senior Member

Old 10-30-2018, 03:17 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #2

I dont have any grands but Im sure I will during the next 5 years. I love babies and can hardly wait!

My thoughts are the same as yours. Babysitting occasionally to give parents some fun time sounds great. I will also be there for any sickness or emergency. But...I do not want another job. That includes babysitting M-Fr while kids work. Thats not why I retired. I gave 30+ years to teaching and now I finally have time for me. I deserve this.

My boys make a lot of money and can well afford nannies or day care. I plan on letting them arrange for that. They can and they will.
MathWA is offline   Reply With Quote
Cassyree Cassyree is online now
 
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 2,302
Senior Member

Cassyree
 
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 2,302
Senior Member

Old 10-30-2018, 03:21 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #3

I have 4 grandchildren from babyhood through upper elementary. Two families. I don't do regular daycare. I've never been asked to do daycare. I adore my grandkids and I babysit for parent nights out, have sleepovers at my house, and care for sick children when I'm needed. When my kids were young, I lived 500 miles away from my family. There were no relatives available to help with childcare. My husband and I figured it out and made it work.

My sons and daughters-in-law all work and have good jobs. They are not struggling financially. I say this because I have a wonderful friend who does provide daycare for her grandkids and before and after school care. The family does have money problems, and I know she wants to help. She loves her grandchildren.

Nevertheless, she is exhausted all the time. She has given up much of her social life. This is her choice, not because she wants it this way, but because she would do anything for her kids (and especially for her grandkids). Are they grateful? As far as I can tell, not in the least. They feel entitled to her help-weekdays and weekends. And they continue to make the same kinds of choices that got them into their current difficulties.

*I love my independent retirement life and the activities and freedom it brings. I taught with a woman, however, who wanted nothing more from retirement than being a SAHGM for her potential grandchildren. She hated that she had had to teach and not stay home with her only child. Believe me, we all heard about it for years. Some retirees truly want to be full time grandparents, and retirement is all about freedom to make choices. Unfortunately for her, there have been no grandchildren.

Last edited by Cassyree; 10-30-2018 at 04:02 PM..
Cassyree is online now   Reply With Quote
juliet4's Avatar
juliet4 juliet4 is offline
 
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,954
Senior Member

juliet4
 
juliet4's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,954
Senior Member
Babysitting
Old 10-30-2018, 03:54 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #4

Nope. And I do not feel guilty one bit. We will fill in if our one local dd and her dh are both traveling but those little ones go to day care during the day. We do morning and evenings if it is a several day stint. I have traveled to NY to watch another two, once for six days while dd and her dh vacationed. Wow...that was exhausting. We try and give each family one weekend per year of watching kids so they can get a break. If we have plans, we say no. All our kids have great jobs and plenty of money. They do not need everyday help and I would not do it. I feel Iíd become resentful if I gave up too much of my time. We love our grandchildren so much but sixty something is not the time for long term childcare! Donít feel guilty.
juliet4 is offline   Reply With Quote
Oh-snap54's Avatar
Oh-snap54 Oh-snap54 is offline
 
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 247
Full Member

Oh-snap54
 
Oh-snap54's Avatar
 
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 247
Full Member

Old 10-30-2018, 04:01 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #5

Iíve provided childcare now for one gs for four years. I wish I had my life back honestly and no way would I do it for another kid should they get pregnant again (not likely). Iíve given up friends, a neat house, leisure time and sometimes I am resentful because my dd could be more frugal and work less.

So itís okay to do what you really want to do. You have no moral obligation to provide free childcare.


Oh-snap54 is offline   Reply With Quote
anansi's Avatar
anansi anansi is offline
 
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,119
Senior Member

anansi
 
anansi's Avatar
 
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,119
Senior Member

Old 10-30-2018, 04:10 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #6

You retired from a full-time job. Enjoy those beautiful babies on YOUR terms, helping out in an emergency, once-in-a-while, etc. NOT full time if that's not what you want. This is YOU Time and I hope you know you deserve it!
anansi is offline   Reply With Quote
cvt's Avatar
cvt cvt is offline
 
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 10,020
Senior Member

cvt
 
cvt's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 10,020
Senior Member
grandkids
Old 10-30-2018, 04:56 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #7

My grandchildren live 1200+ miles away, so I don't get to see them very often. I babysat them in the past when the parents had to go out of town for a few weeks. They paid for my flights, and I thoroughly enjoyed the time with the grandkids. Having said that, I would not do this if it were an every day obligation. I understand that day care and before/after school care are very expensive, but I would resent the demands on my time in retirement. If that sounds selfish, so be it.

One of my best friends fell into that trap when her DD and grandchildren moved closer. The occasional babysitting became a "could you take the kids to school and pick them up after school" thing and ended up being a full-time commitment during the summers. When she said she needed more time to herself they were very offended. She eventually solved the problem by moving 200 miles away from them. Now she watches the grandkids occasionally when the parents want to go away for a weekend.
cvt is offline   Reply With Quote
Keltikmom's Avatar
Keltikmom Keltikmom is offline
 
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 10,785
Senior Member

Keltikmom
 
Keltikmom's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 10,785
Senior Member
Grandchildren
Old 10-30-2018, 05:01 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #8

When DD got pregnant I told her I would watch my Gs once day a week. For a short t8me it ended up being twice a week. But I said ďI raised my children. I didnít retire to babysit.Ē I watch him if heís sick, or they need a day or night here and there.

The short time I watched him twice a week I was exhausted.
Keltikmom is offline   Reply With Quote
cubbies's Avatar
cubbies cubbies is offline
 
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 456
Senior Member

cubbies
 
cubbies's Avatar
 
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 456
Senior Member

Old 10-30-2018, 05:07 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #9

I watch my two-year old twin grand babies once a week. I work part time and I have a specific day to keep them. I thoroughly enjoy it and look forward to seeing them each week. This may be the last year Iíll be keeping them once a week because of possible preschool next year. I only have the two, so maybe thatís why I feel differently.
cubbies is offline   Reply With Quote
amiga13's Avatar
amiga13 amiga13 is online now
 
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 20,312
Senior Member

amiga13
 
amiga13's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 20,312
Senior Member

Old 10-30-2018, 05:47 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #10

No daycare and no guilt. I told my children long ago that Iíd raised them and that was it. My 1 grandchild is 500 miles away, so I donít even do the occasional babysitting I would be willing to do. I feel no guilt whatsoever in making retirement time for me. And, lucky me, my kids get it and support it.


amiga13 is online now   Reply With Quote
annie_g's Avatar
annie_g annie_g is online now
 
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 6,364
Senior Member

annie_g
 
annie_g's Avatar
 
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 6,364
Senior Member

Old 10-30-2018, 06:54 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #11

I have a 5 month old grandson. We have him once a week and I love it. Itís exhausting, though. I donít think I could do it every day. My DH is around but I do all the work. I want to, though. I love it! We also keep him overnight once in a while. I like knowing that heís growing up used to being with us regularly, and Iím looking forward to doing more stuff with him as he gets older. I get to see so many little changes from week to week. Tomorrow I get to see him dressed up for his first Halloween. Iím glad we live close to my son, DIL, and cutie pie!
annie_g is online now   Reply With Quote
PoohBear's Avatar
PoohBear PoohBear is online now
 
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 9,326
Senior Member

PoohBear
 
PoohBear's Avatar
 
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 9,326
Senior Member
babysitting grandchildren
Old 10-30-2018, 08:22 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #12

I watched my grandchildren 2 days a week. That worked perfectly for me.....I got grandma time, my children got a break on daycare costs and I still had time for my own life. They did ask me if I'd be willing to watch them fulltime and even offered to pay but as I told them, I already raised my children and I didn't want to raise my grandchildren. I wanted to be grandma and have fun with them not have all the daily responsibilities.

Quote:
As a former elementary teacher I feel like I should want to do this.
Just because we spent our careers with children (and enjoyed it) doesn't mean we want to spend our retirement with children. Don't feel guilty and enjoy your occasional babysitting.
PoohBear is online now   Reply With Quote
EdfromBama EdfromBama is offline
 
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 282
Full Member

EdfromBama
 
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 282
Full Member
re: taking care of grands...
Old 10-31-2018, 02:30 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #13

Good morning to all-
Last year we moved to Arizona to help watch grandsons. We had two weeks' lead time, and we basically had to pack up the van and move out and re-start our lives in a totally unfamiliar place. We went to their house, fed the boys breakfast, got them ready for school, took them to school-on different schedules, so I made four trips to school every day.
We helped them with homework, my wife took the younger one through a very effective pre-school, pre-reading and math program she set up.
We were exhausted at the end of the day.
If it were not for weekend roadtrips, we just could not have made it.
Our intentions were good, and we did help the boys a lot, but it became obvious to us that we were really not helping my son's family out. He and daughter in law needed to raise their kids.
So we told them that at the start of this school year when both boys would be in school full-time, we were going home.And we did.
We miss the boys, and we miss seeing them all, but it's much better for everyone now. We must be very careful of acting on benevolent impulses- sometimes they come at a very high cost.
good day to all- Ed
EdfromBama is offline   Reply With Quote
grade2rocks grade2rocks is offline
 
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 940
Senior Member

grade2rocks
 
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 940
Senior Member

Old 10-31-2018, 05:01 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #14

I love hearing all these scenarios! But I want my grandkids to know me as "Grandma" - I think it changes when one is their main caregiver. I also want the flexibility to enjoy my retirement, and not be locked into a non-flexible schedule.

While I was teaching, I took care of my grandsons (from birth) two days a week during the summer- but because I wanted to! We do fun things! We go on field trips. I thoroughly enjoy them. And then they go home.

However, then their parents would also ask for occasional babysitting at night. This was too much! I couldn't handle having them 12- 15 hours.

I could not handle doing all day everyday day care. And if I have them for a special day, I cannot also do it at night. It is simply too tiring for me, and not fun.

I love Ed's comments. There are lots of needs to be balanced when considering doing daycare, and my needs are as important as the parents'/grandkids' needs.
grade2rocks is offline   Reply With Quote
ThankaTchr's Avatar
ThankaTchr ThankaTchr is offline
 
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,523
Senior Member

ThankaTchr
 
ThankaTchr's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,523
Senior Member
Anansi is right
Old 10-31-2018, 05:40 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #15

It's all on YOUR terms. I am close proximity to my DD, so I watch them on a weekly (occasional) time until there is a set schedule with the 2 kids (4 and 1). But my recently retired friend has a DD who is a single mom with 4 kids. She EXPECTS grandma to be there. I don't know what the outcome is BUT it's individual. AND remember...we are a different generation then these guys. Maybe they say thank you and respect your time-perhaps not. "Knowing yourself" is a great place to find balance.
ThankaTchr is offline   Reply With Quote
Coopsgrammy's Avatar
Coopsgrammy Coopsgrammy is offline
 
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 4,626
Senior Member

Coopsgrammy
 
Coopsgrammy's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 4,626
Senior Member
No guilt
Old 10-31-2018, 08:04 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #16

I love my grand kids, and will watch them for a morning or an afternoon if it fits into my schedule. When DD needed full time day care, I offered one day a week. It worked out ok, but eventually, DD found a full time person because I was not as convenient.
Coopsgrammy is offline   Reply With Quote
2grade 2grade is offline
 
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,227
Senior Member

2grade
 
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,227
Senior Member

Old 10-31-2018, 08:07 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #17

Every family is different as are expectations for babysitting. Grandparents also have different expectations. These expectations can change as circumstances change, ie: proximity, age, health issues. I believe that none of us would deny giving babysitting help where help is truly needed.

The trend today is to lay guilt on those grandparents who choose not to babysit on a regular/daily basis. I often babysat when I was a teenager. This no longer a popular choice so even occasional babysitting is left to the grandparents. I love my grandchildren but I'm over 70. My energy level has definitely changed. So, I babysit my grandchildren occasionally just to give parents a break or if there's an emergency.
2grade is offline   Reply With Quote
rusty's Avatar
rusty rusty is offline
 
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,607
Senior Member

rusty
 
rusty's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,607
Senior Member

Old 10-31-2018, 03:59 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #18

So glad to read the posts from all these folks who feel the way I do! I love my grandkids....I only have 2 ( ages 6 and 2) but they are exhausting. My son in law once made the comment that it would be a great idea for me to move in with them and run a little day care for them and their four little friends. I just laughed and said....No Way! He never brought it up again. Like sky22 said in the OP.....my parents were not near me and so I had no help from them when my kids were little. I don't feel guilty about not volunteering to watch my grandkids. I'll do it from time to time, but not on any regular basis.
rusty is offline   Reply With Quote
sky22's Avatar
sky22 sky22 is offline
 
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 1,361
Senior Member

sky22
 
sky22's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 1,361
Senior Member
Thank you for input
Old 11-01-2018, 11:08 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #19

Thank you all for responding. You definitely made me feel better about letting my guilt go. It has helped my resolution of sitting occasionally is fine. Regular basis is just too wearing and demanding of my time and energy. Thanks.
sky22 is offline   Reply With Quote
twinsister's Avatar
twinsister twinsister is offline
 
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,588
Senior Member

twinsister
 
twinsister's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,588
Senior Member
This was a great post.
Old 11-01-2018, 02:47 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #20

1) I love my 6 grandchildren (ages 2-9) with one more coming in December.
2) They all live within 10 minutes of us. (I consider that a blessing.)
3) I will babysit on days they are sick or if the babysitter is unable.
4) I always check my schedule before saying Yes if it is not an emergency. I do not feel guilty when I say no.

My husband and I are both retired. We love our grandchildren, but we love our time together too.
twinsister is offline   Reply With Quote
TheTrunch's Avatar
TheTrunch TheTrunch is offline
 
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 3,379
Senior Member

TheTrunch
 
TheTrunch's Avatar
 
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 3,379
Senior Member
I wouldn't want to do that
Old 11-01-2018, 04:31 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #21

I was going to be babysitting my just turned 2-year-old gd, but decided not to. She is the cutest little love bug ever, but she came over sick and gave it to me and here I am a week later still sick.

I'm constantly giving the older kids rides and I enjoy that. I get to talk to them a bit and enjoy them. BUT the little ones. They're too much work. I enjoy having the kinder for an hour and doing reading lessons because I enjoy that. But I don't want to babysit the little ones more than an hour and certainly not every day.

I worked my entire adult life and I deserve to do whatever I want! Don't feel guilty. We should enjoy our golden years.
TheTrunch is offline   Reply With Quote
wildflowerz's Avatar
wildflowerz wildflowerz is online now
 
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,664
Senior Member

wildflowerz
 
wildflowerz's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,664
Senior Member

Old 11-03-2018, 08:02 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #22

I donít have my own kids but dh has two kids and do one grandchild. His daughter hopes to have another baby. I asked dh if we could move to where she is to babysit for a year if they do have another little one. He gave me a firm NO. He wants to travel and babysitting would hamper that.

Our plan is to travel and babysit for those times the kids have off but the parents donít. Iím ok with a a week at a time throughout the year.
wildflowerz is online now   Reply With Quote
mrsd5's Avatar
mrsd5 mrsd5 is offline
 
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 3,454
Senior Member

mrsd5
 
mrsd5's Avatar
 
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 3,454
Senior Member
I'm lucky
Old 11-08-2018, 04:21 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #23

Three of my grands live 7 minutes away. But the only time I do "daycare" is if they are sick or their daycare provider takes a paid vacation day. Oh, and during spring break, I watch them for a week. Well, I take them to their daycare providers (two are in a school program and one is still in daycare). I pick them up and stay overnight, then take them to their daycares again. Their parents go to Vegas for their anniversary each year.
mrsd5 is offline   Reply With Quote

Join the conversation! Post as a guest or become a member today. New members welcome!

Reply

 

>
Retired Teachers
Thread Tools




Sign Up Now

Sign Up FREE | ProTeacher Help | BusyBoard

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 10:00 AM.


Copyright © 2019 ProTeacher®
For individual use only. Do not copy, reproduce or transmit.
source: www.proteacher.net