Apology - ProTeacher Community




Home Join Now Search My Favorites
Help


      The VENT

Apology

>

Reply
 
Thread Tools
brooks56's Avatar
brooks56 brooks56 is online now
 
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,999
Senior Member

brooks56
 
brooks56's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,999
Senior Member
Apology
Old 12-27-2013, 06:24 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #1

Why oh why is it so hard to get an apology from my husband who accidentally broke one of my crystal (30 year old goblets) in the kitchen a few minutes ago? I had it out for Christmas and did not put it up. He said he didn't do it on purpose as if that was an apology. I don't care so much about the goblet as the apology. He is clueless in this department and never apologizes for anything!


brooks56 is online now   Reply With Quote

Hifiman's Avatar
Hifiman Hifiman is offline
 
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 23,823
Blog Entries: 8
Senior Member

Hifiman
 
Hifiman's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 23,823
Senior Member
It's more about the timing
Old 12-27-2013, 07:13 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #2

If there were plans for sex tonight then of course an apology is in order. If not, well...
Hifiman is offline   Reply With Quote
TheTrunch's Avatar
TheTrunch TheTrunch is offline
 
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 3,379
Senior Member

TheTrunch
 
TheTrunch's Avatar
 
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 3,379
Senior Member
Perplexing indeed
Old 12-28-2013, 09:17 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #3

Is the apology a symbol of something else between you. My goodness, I could analyze this for hours.
TheTrunch is offline   Reply With Quote
Mercury's Avatar
Mercury Mercury is offline
 
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,434
Senior Member

Mercury
 
Mercury's Avatar
 
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,434
Senior Member
Sad
Old 12-28-2013, 10:51 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #4

My parents have been married for 45 years, and a few years ago I learned that my dad had NEVER apologized to my mom for anything! I was so shocked. He had called me all upset that my mom was (rightfully so) upset over something he'd done and said he didn't know what to do. When I suggested that he apologize, he was stunned! And told he he'd never told my mom 'sorry' for anything, ever, because that would mean he wasn't right. I was dumbfounded. I said Well Dad, give it a try. He said he'd think about it....then later apologized to my mom! She told me she nearly fainted with shock that he actually apologized and admitted for being in the wrong. My goodness.
Mercury is offline   Reply With Quote
Clarity Clarity is online now
 
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 6,480
Senior Member

Clarity
 
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 6,480
Senior Member
If it was an accident, why does he need to
Old 12-28-2013, 11:24 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #5

apologize? What would you expect of a friend who did it?


Clarity is online now   Reply With Quote
AndSoItIs's Avatar
AndSoItIs AndSoItIs is offline
 
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,372
Senior Member

AndSoItIs
 
AndSoItIs's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,372
Senior Member
Radio contest
Old 12-28-2013, 11:44 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #6

I won a radio contest once for guessing the one thing guys rarely say... I'm sorry. I've noticed this about them a long time ago. The contest prize wasn't that great, though.

Men lack the apology gene.
AndSoItIs is offline   Reply With Quote
TLC's Avatar
TLC TLC is offline
 
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 2,919
Senior Member

TLC
 
TLC's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 2,919
Senior Member

Old 12-28-2013, 01:17 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #7

My DH broke a piece of wedding china this week. He dropped a coffee mug on a plate. He didn't apologize, but I didn't expect him to do so. I know he was shocked and felt bad that it happened, but the truth is, he broke a piece of OUR china. Could that be it with your DH? Most things belong to both of us. DH picked out and "bought" the TV. If I broke it I would feel really bad and even cry, but wouldn't apologize for breaking it.
I dented the chrome running board on his truck and apologized. Shrunk his cashmere sweater and apologized.
But I will admit he wasn't good about apologizing for the first 15 years of marriage. Eventually, I started saying, "This is where you apologize." Maybe it simply never occurred to him.
TLC is offline   Reply With Quote
crockpotqueen crockpotqueen is offline
 
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,555
Senior Member

crockpotqueen
 
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,555
Senior Member
Apology
Old 12-28-2013, 04:07 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #8

Even if it is an accident, I would apologize. Even if it belonged to both spouses, I would apologize, too.
crockpotqueen is offline   Reply With Quote
anngirl anngirl is offline
 
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 4,096
Senior Member

anngirl
 
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 4,096
Senior Member

Old 12-28-2013, 04:15 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #9

Maybe you need to check out The Five Languages of Apology.

Actually, I haven't read it, but just the quiz and outline of its premise was eyeopening to my husband and I. We found that we were both apologizing in ways that did not meet our spouse's desire for an apology.

Take the quiz w/ your dh and open a dialogue about it: http://fivelovelanguages-m0.s3.amazo...uiz_Rev5-3.pdf
anngirl is offline   Reply With Quote
artcharm artcharm is offline
 
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3
New Member

artcharm
 
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3
New Member

Old 12-28-2013, 04:16 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #10

Apologize, everyone! Such a small thing goes such a long way to repair so many hurt feelings~


artcharm is offline   Reply With Quote
brooks56's Avatar
brooks56 brooks56 is online now
 
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,999
Senior Member

brooks56
 
brooks56's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,999
Senior Member
apology
Old 12-28-2013, 04:42 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #11

Thanks for all the interesting viewpoints. Even if I accidentally break something I usually apologize. Thanks for the laugh Hifiman! It's good to know others have had this problem as well.

Yes, Clarity, even if a friend did this I would probably expect an apology, but I would not be upset at the actual incident.

I was raised to always offer an apology at times like this, even if was an accident. It always made me feel better to express remorse and not just walk out like nothing happened! Maybe it is the" I'm never to blame"mentality that gets to me, as well as "I am always right." Sometimes it is hard to live with.

An apology goes a long way!
brooks56 is online now   Reply With Quote
happygal's Avatar
happygal happygal is offline
 
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 3,773
Senior Member

happygal
 
happygal's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 3,773
Senior Member
words my
Old 12-28-2013, 05:47 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #12

former husband rarely used

sad really

Mr. Hifiman you are getting funny again.
happygal is offline   Reply With Quote
Mercury's Avatar
Mercury Mercury is offline
 
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,434
Senior Member

Mercury
 
Mercury's Avatar
 
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,434
Senior Member
I agree
Old 12-29-2013, 07:58 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #13

I apologize if I hurt someone, break something, etc; friend, family member, work acquaintance, stranger. I apologize if I intended to hurt them or not, if it was an accident or not. I would be very offended if a 'friend' hurt me by accident or broke something of mine and then did not apologize. I mean really.

Last edited by Mercury; 12-29-2013 at 09:46 AM.. Reason: spelling
Mercury is offline   Reply With Quote
TLC's Avatar
TLC TLC is offline
 
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 2,919
Senior Member

TLC
 
TLC's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 2,919
Senior Member

Old 12-29-2013, 09:19 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #14

I was thinking more along the lines of he saw it as breaking his own possession? You wouldn't apologize to yourself.
TLC is offline   Reply With Quote
Claire's Avatar
Claire Claire is offline
 
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 9,473
Senior Member

Claire
 
Claire's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 9,473
Senior Member

Old 12-29-2013, 09:26 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #15

Yes he should apologize. I do not understand spouses that refuse to apologize. It does not matter who is "right or wrong". I think it is a total matter of respect. If you directly or indirectly cause your spouse upset you should APOLOGIZE. It shows them you love them and care.

If I were the one that broke the item, my dh would still say "I'm sorry" (sorry it happened, sorry I was upset).
Claire is offline   Reply With Quote
Mercury's Avatar
Mercury Mercury is offline
 
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,434
Senior Member

Mercury
 
Mercury's Avatar
 
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,434
Senior Member
Still Apologize
Old 12-29-2013, 09:45 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #16

Quote:
I was thinking more along the lines of he saw it as breaking his own possession? You wouldn't apologize to yourself.
No you wouldn't apologize to yourself. But your spouse is not yourself. They are a separate person, and things that belong to you jointly should be apologized for when one of you breaks it.

I've broken or misplaced a lot of things over the years that my husband and I jointly own. I still apologized to him, because even though they were my things, they were also his, and the money to replace them was coming out of our money. For something like this, 30 year old crystal goblets that are used for special occasions like Christmas (and really, do you honestly believe that her husband thought of those goblets as his) it is egregious not to apologize, because they are obviously special to her.
Mercury is offline   Reply With Quote
Clarity Clarity is online now
 
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 6,480
Senior Member

Clarity
 
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 6,480
Senior Member
Just wondering about this, though:
Old 12-29-2013, 11:28 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #17

Quote:
I had it out for Christmas and did not put it up.
Did you apologize for leaving it out? I would have.
Clarity is online now   Reply With Quote
Claire's Avatar
Claire Claire is offline
 
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 9,473
Senior Member

Claire
 
Claire's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 9,473
Senior Member
interesting
Old 12-29-2013, 11:58 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #18

I am seeing a key difference here between people's thoughts. To me, the apology is for the spouses feelings not the act itself. Some seem to only equate the apology to the actual act, not feelings. I think that is interesting.
Claire is offline   Reply With Quote
MissSunnyDay2
 
 
Guest

MissSunnyDay2
 
 
Guest
Clarity
Old 12-29-2013, 12:04 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #19

Nodding my head in agreement with Clarity. If it was put up as your post suggests it should have been, you are equally at fault in the matter.

Isn't it his goblet too? You said your husband did it accidently.
  Reply With Quote
brooks56's Avatar
brooks56 brooks56 is online now
 
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,999
Senior Member

brooks56
 
brooks56's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,999
Senior Member
apology
Old 12-29-2013, 01:20 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #20

Yes, I did say that I should not have left it out and he finally apologized.
It just seems like he should have more respect for my feelings without me asking him to apologize.

Thanks for all the interesting responses!
brooks56 is online now   Reply With Quote
AprilDelight's Avatar
AprilDelight AprilDelight is offline
 
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 534
Senior Member

AprilDelight
 
AprilDelight's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 534
Senior Member

Old 12-30-2013, 02:25 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #21

I think it has a lot to do with how one is raised.
AprilDelight is offline   Reply With Quote

Join the conversation! Post as a guest or become a member today. New members welcome!

Reply

 

>
The VENT
Thread Tools




Sign Up Now

Sign Up FREE | ProTeacher Help | BusyBoard

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 03:49 PM.

Copyright © 2019 ProTeacher®
For individual use only. Do not copy, reproduce or transmit.
source: www.proteacher.net