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change2R change2R is offline
 
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Feel unwanted
Old 06-27-2017, 08:33 PM
 
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I saw one of my coworkers today. We were talking about our new class lists. She was talking about how several of my parents have called her & told her they are so upset that their child didn't get in her class. She said one of the.parents told her that her child has cried & cried because they didn't get my coworker as their teacher. She went on & on about how much they wanted her but got in my class instead. That makes me feel great.


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Old 06-27-2017, 08:41 PM
 
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Gosh, I am sorry. That is extremely insensitive of her. Did you think of just asking her how she thinks that might make you feel?
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Your coworker
Old 06-27-2017, 09:30 PM
 
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A few thoughts.....

I'm trying to imagine the context that might have made it reasonable for your coworker to say all that to you. I'm struggling.

I agree with kahluablast. I'm not sure if she's being deliberately unkind, but its certainly insensitive. She also may be exaggerating or even untruthful.

One of my coworkers had a family who was upset their child was in his class. Later in the year they told our boss they had realized they were wrong, as they were so impressed at the changes they saw in their kid.

And finally....

Quote:
She said one of the.parents told her that her child has cried & cried because they didn't get my coworker as their teacher.
Kid is disappointed? Good. That's called building resilience. We had a whole PD on how children need to sometimes not get what they want. (You'd think its just commonsense....but we had specific 'training' on how important it is to say no. ) I can remember being disappointed with the teacher I got...I also remember getting over it and having a good year.
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Rude
Old 06-27-2017, 10:14 PM
 
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That was just mean and rude and ____.

But I agree- it does REALLY hurt.

BUT I am sure it will change once they get to know you. Who knows maybe their friends in the other class will be saying that they WISH they had gotten you instead.

I have had many parents request me only to get another teacher and vice versa, it usually always works out in the end.
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Old 06-27-2017, 10:43 PM
 
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That was mean and childish. I could not imagine telling another teacher what was said about them. OTOH: perhaps the teacher is lying.


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Old 06-28-2017, 01:11 AM
 
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What a crappy thing to do! I wonder if what the teacher said was even true. Even it is, the absolute only reason I can think of for her to tell you this is that she's feeling insecure and inferior to you, so she's trying to make herself feel better.

Also keep in mind that there are certainly kids/families that are happy to be in your class too. Even if what this teacher said is true, that's only a few kids. My gut is that perhaps one child/family did call and say something (and people have all kinds of reasons for requesting one teacher over another, it doesn't mean that teacher is "better") and the teacher exaggerated it to "several." I just simply can't imagine a scenario where "several" parents get a teacher's phone number and take the time to call her just to say that they wish their kids were in her class. That seems very fishy to me.
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One of those things
Old 06-28-2017, 01:28 AM
 
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It's certainly a case of things that does no good when shared. I wonder why your teaching partner shared this with you? What's your relationship like with this adult? I think it would be different if you'd been working with this person forever and there's thicker skin. It also makes me wonder how we share info with some parent or guardian about their kid especially during conferences because sometimes it may feel that we're attacking their parenting style when all we are doing is stating our observation or facts.
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Old 06-28-2017, 02:33 AM
 
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I also wonder why she shared this with you? What was the purpose? I would watch my back with her. She thinks she's "all that" and doesn't seem to be aware that words hurt. What a mean thing to say!
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Mean people suck
Old 06-28-2017, 03:17 AM
 
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I hope you don't put up wth all her "honesty" all year. She was hurtful on purpose. She must have low self esteem to try to build herself up in such a mean way. If she starts again be ready with questions (the one asking questions is in charge of the conversation.) "Is this information helpful? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Why are you telling me things that obviously might make me feel badly?"

She must've been that kid who runs and tells people all the not nice things she heard said about them. Not cool at all. Try to put it out of your mind. I'm sure it happens to every one of us, but nobody is rude enough to tell us.
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Wow!
Old 06-28-2017, 03:49 AM
 
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There are no words for such rude behavior. The child who cried needs to be in your class to learn how to be a good kind person. He/she wouldn't learn it in "her" class. It was divine intervention.


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Not nice!
Old 06-28-2017, 04:01 AM
 
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What your coworker said was not nice. I don't know why someone would say that to another teacher. You just do your job and I promise that by the end of the year that student and parent will love you. If a student is crying that he/she didn't get a certain teacher, my thought is that perhaps that teacher focuses his/her time on being liked rather than on the important parts of our job. Like the other posters, I question the truth in what you were told. A parent might have said that to your coworker just to make her feel good by the way. It may not be true at the parent's level. Either way, it was not nice for your coworker to share it with you. Your coworker sounds childish.
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I agree with Munchkins
Old 06-28-2017, 04:07 AM
 
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I have found that teachers who brag or belittle other teachers do so because they are insecure about their teaching methods. Still, it was a horrible thing to say to you! I hope that you don't take it to heart and that you have a great year with the students who are lucky to have you as their teacher.
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Uhoh
Old 06-28-2017, 04:34 AM
 
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I try to give the benefit of the doubt in situations- maybe someone misspoke, intentions were to try to help, etc., and it didn't come out right.
Here's the red flag: parents are calling her at home and she's having these conversations about you without simply saying, "I think you'll like change2R once you meet her?". This will not end well for her.

Personal: I had a few parents come up to me last fall and say they had wanted to have their child in my class. It wasn't because of my teaching reputation- it was because they knew me from church, activities with my son, etc. I told them they would really enjoy the teacher they had been assigned, and I was right! The parents' requests most likely have nothing to do with your teaching ability and the relationships you build with your students.
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Old 06-28-2017, 05:28 AM
 
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I agree with Mrs Readalot. The majority of the time, parents don't request teachers based on teaching ability. A lot of the times they base it on relationships built outside of the school and/or familiarity with that teacher. Or even solely the teacher's personality and what they hear about the teacher through their child.

"That teacher's class is always having so much fun!"
"That teacher's class gets to do anything they want."
"That teacher's class gets to play cool games and chew bubblegum."
"That teacher lets her class use their cellphones."

When kids say things like that, the parents want to make their child happy. They want their child to have fun in class. They want their child to play cool games and chew bubblegum. They want their child to use their cellphones. Because they don't want their child to be in the "other" class that doesn't get any of that. They want their child in the "cool" class even if it's not in the child's best interest. Even if your class is just as engaging.

I think this conversation between you and your colleague was a good one to have. I believe Maya Angelou said something along the lines, "If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Your colleague wanted to gloat. Wanted to make herself feel valuable and important. That's not a good professional relationship to have. Do your part and stay professional towards her, but know how she is and keep your distance when appropriate.

I hope you have a wonderful school year!
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Old 06-28-2017, 05:40 AM
 
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Jerebo was correct in her perception of your situation.
There is simply no circumstance or excuse for telling you this information!

Keep in mind that:
#1.Your coworker could be lying about parents being so devastated.
#2.Your coworker is telling the truth and is intentionally trying to hurt you and inflate her own self-worth.
#3.You can't trust anything this woman will say about you behind your back. Tell her nothing you wouldn't want the world to know.


You know the cruelty of this woman. Keep your distance.

Last edited by Renea; 06-28-2017 at 12:33 PM..
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People amaze me....
Old 06-28-2017, 05:42 AM
 
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With their thinking. This was mean and very insensitive to you and your feelings. Why would she even mention it? Also if she is talking to these parents about this she is being totally unprofessional.

My personal opinion is parent requests should not be considered. Here is something to make you smile....I had a kindergartner come up to me near the end of the year (I teach 3rd) and tell me....my brother ( a 2nd grader) does NOT want you as a teacher. She was so happy to tell me. She then proceeded to tell me that he wanted one of my teammates because she is nice and gives lots of candy and no homework. I smiled and told her I hope he got whomever he chose! But I know my teammate and he is in for a big surprise! I shared it with my coworkers at lunch and we had a big laugh.

Relax and remember you are a good teacher and as you build community your class will love you! Best wishes.
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Not too nice
Old 06-28-2017, 05:45 AM
 
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I can sympathize with you and have had similar stresses - although that was a very direct way to state this to you! Is she upset about someone who wanted u as a teacher ?it just seems so bold to say that! I would be very upset too , not only because of the students but because of the way she acted about this!
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Hurtful Coworker
Old 06-28-2017, 06:06 AM
 
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She was soooooo wrong. I won't advise -- you already got lots of great advice. If there's any truth to her words, it shows a lack of professionalism on her part & poor leadership at the school. Personally, I'd put her on my "adult mean girl list" and avoid her as much as possible - even consider changing grade levels or schools if she seems to be there to stay. In my head, I'd say, "I'm disappointed that I wanted Teacher A or Teacher B as a coworker, but I got YOU." 'Might even go home and cry and cry about it to PT.

She's mean & immature. I have a colleague who loves to toot her own horn and the princ buys it. But her scores are no better and one day she'll get to heaven and be told she was no better than everyone else. I got a "Teacher of the Week" award from a local radio station. She saw me 100 times since that and never once even said, "Congratulations." I know when she heard, she must've said, "WHAAAAAAT?????" Sometimes sucess is the best revenge ..er...I mean response.
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School
Old 06-28-2017, 06:34 AM
 
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At our school it really isn't the teacher that gets parents upset. It is more than likely their snowflake didn't get in class with the
*cheer team
*baseball friends
*neighborhood clique
*best friend

You get the picture. Then snowflake cries and cries that they don't want teacher javamomma they want teacher smith down the hall.
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Teachable moment
Old 06-28-2017, 08:23 AM
 
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This coworker is showing her true colors so tread carefully and watch your back. Focus on the positive too by decorating your door or bulletin board with a kind words/golden rule theme. Let the students add more encouraging quotes with illustrations. Hopefully she will learn a much needed lesson. When your door or bulletin board get compliments share that she was your inspiration.
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Old 06-28-2017, 11:07 AM
 
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Hope she's feeling proud! I'm so sorry she made you feel so bad!
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personality
Old 06-28-2017, 11:33 AM
 
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Honestly, it's just the teacher's personality. I worked with someone like that and I soon came to realize it was her way of helping herself feel better. Apparently she didn't get enough affirmation from anyone else, so she made her own. Some people just need their egos stroked on a regular basis.

While I don't agree with it, I'm just saying that's probably not an issue with you. You just happened to be the one there.

I've had parents AND students tell me they wished they were in my class, but I would NEVER tell another teacher they said that. In most cases, it's just because they know me (or her in her case) outside of school or are friends with a former student's family, etc... It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with her teaching ability. There's also a chance that it was very exaggerated.

If/When something similar happens again, just smile and nod and either change the subject or get busy doing something else. I didn't feed into the conversation with any comments and they soon ended.

I do understand your feelings. Like the others said, let the child/parents find out for themselves how wonderful you are.
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Your colleague is a bully - been there.
Old 06-28-2017, 12:06 PM
 
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Quote:
I agree with Mrs Readalot. The majority of the time, parents don't request teachers based on teaching ability. A lot of the times they base it on relationships built outside of the school and/or familiarity with that teacher. Or even solely the teacher's personality and what they hear about the teacher through their child.

"That teacher's class is always having so much fun!"
"That teacher's class gets to do anything they want."
"That teacher's class gets to play cool games and chew bubblegum."
"That teacher lets her class use their cellphones."
Add to that, "The PTA President's kid is in that teacher's class."
"That teacher is young and good looking."
"Sue's best friend's son had that teacher, and she is really strict (read, 'except with your kid'."
"That teacher always gets the well-behaved students."
"That teacher has high test scores."
and on and on...

I think your colleague was completely insensitive! What was her point in telling you that? If you follow all the "Mean Girls" posts on here, she was probably trying to knock you down to where she thinks you should be. Classic bully behavior.
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Feel your pain
Old 06-28-2017, 02:51 PM
 
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I was on both sides of parent requests during my 40 years in the classroom. This was just plain mean of your teammate. I would never tell a teammate I'd been requested. I'd actually see if the cry baby child could be swapped with another student. Who needs any worries as you start your new school year. Is this a private school? Most public schools know better to honor parent requests as it undermines the building of a collegial, positive school culture and morale...when a principal believes in the capibility of the staff there is no need for requests. I LOVE the door quote! Plan some fun activities that support your standards for the first few weeks of school...I found I had to play the "fun" game in order to build my reputation with some of these young parents. If this continues transfer to a new school. I did and had great success with more positive, noncompetitive teammates and parents who,valued learning, structure, and positive success. Stay clear of this coworker as she may be undermining you in the parent community in order to build her own reputation.
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Old 06-28-2017, 02:57 PM
 
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I'm sorry that happened to you.
It was wrong, inappropriate and not true.

I hope you can find it in your heart to simply 'smile and nod' because your co-worker has some pretty serious needs, issues, flaws. Pick your word.

Continue to do what you do every day --- take your class and teach your heart out!
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I've taught for 25 years
Old 06-28-2017, 03:03 PM
 
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and every few years, I have a parent who is upset that their child didn't get a different teacher. I tell them that I may not do everything like the other teacher, but I will give them a quality education. They usually come around. It does make you feel bad though.
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An additional thought
Old 06-28-2017, 03:22 PM
 
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I've been on both side of the "I want YOU for a teacher." issue. I never mentioned to my coworkers if parents requested me. In fact I really didn't like knowing that a family thought I was "wonderful". I always worried that "that family" thought I would pamper their child and ignore behavior issues. A few times those worries actualized. It's not always good to have families think you can do no wrong. Eventually we all make mistakes and the family can be disillusioned.

The grass may not be greener on your coworkers side of the street.

Just a thought.
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had one of those in our school
Old 06-28-2017, 03:57 PM
 
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all I can say is LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE and it was a great day when she was outed!!!
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Old 06-28-2017, 04:40 PM
 
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A wise person once said to me, "What was her purpose for telling you?"

Her comments speak more to her character than yours.

I'm sorry. I know the comments are hurtful.
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Good ness.
Old 06-28-2017, 04:47 PM
 
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I usually think to myself "dodged the bullet on that one!"
Because usually those kids are a colossal PITA. And if the kid isn't, the parent usually is.

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co worker
Old 06-28-2017, 05:25 PM
 
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Quote:
(You'd think its just commonsense....but we had specific 'training' on how important it is to say no. )
haha. so true.. I wish I had that "training" when my OWN kids were little. Then maybe my dd wouldn't be so spoiled now!

Back to your post. Totally insensitive of your co teacher . I agree that you could've asked her how she thinks that makes you feel by her telling you this??
Also, maybe those kids know her but just don't know how great you are??
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Old 06-29-2017, 07:00 AM
 
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Everyone has said what I was going to already but I'm so sorry she was so insensitive! If she brings it up again, I'd say "that hurts my feelings that you think none of these kids or parents want me as teacher". Perhaps she's insecure about her teaching.
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Old 06-30-2017, 05:33 AM
 
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I am so very sorry that she said such insensitive words to you. I would be speechless if that was said to me but I would be fuming later and very hurt. No good was accomplished by her and she sounds like someone to be very careful around. She only cares about herself
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Hmmm...
Old 06-30-2017, 08:06 AM
 
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That was uncalled for. Pretty crummy, really. Consider this, once the kids get in your class, they will love you. Stay positive. Has she been there longer and known the families longer? If so, that could be part of it. That happens at my school. Go in with an open mind, it will all work out!
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Wow
Old 06-30-2017, 08:55 AM
 
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I'm not sure I'd give her a pass on why she told you that. If she really is that clueless at an interpersonal level, then she is in the wrong occupation. I don't believe it. Even children know not to say stuff like that.

Try to not take it to heart. Many schools have a teacher at each grade level who really do pander to parents to be the one that gets picked. I've known teachers who go into the classrooms of the grade below toward the end of the year and put on a song and dance to make the kids laugh.

Not saying that teacher is like that, but there's plenty that are. You can take this as an opportunity to examine yourself too. Are you a little too grumpy with the kids? Are you rigid or inflexible about rules and procedures? Do you have a good laugh with them and do they feel comfortable? It's so hard in these years of Totalitarian Education for teachers to have fun.

Just try and let it go. You didn't deserve that. It was very mean of that teacher. Mean or Incredibly stupid. Is she that stupid?
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Alaska35
 
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Please
Old 07-01-2017, 04:40 AM
 
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do not take to heart the information your co-worker shared with you. I agree with the advice others have given you.
These are my thoughts:
1. She is insecure. A great teacher does not have to "promote" themselves.
2. As other posters have mentioned- I would avoid her as much as possible. I would not be able to trust her.
3. I would keep teaching the way you teach.
4. I wouldn't say anything to her if she shares info like this again with you.
5. It is extremely unprofessional behavior from her.
I hope that you don't allow these remarks to interfere with your time away from school. I hope that you enjoy your summer.
One more thought- If she shared this info with you, she has probably done this to others.
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change2R change2R is offline
 
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Old 07-01-2017, 06:58 PM
 
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Thank you for all your responses. I haven't answered back because my furbaby went missing & I've spent all my time looking for her. Sadly she was never found & the vet said she couldn't survive this long without her medicine.
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Old 07-04-2017, 08:26 PM
 
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I'm so sorry to hear that. Please accept my condolences.
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