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Old 08-02-2020, 07:53 AM
  #1

Yesterday my DH got a text from his second cousin. Seems she and her husband were cleaning the basement and found a check we had give them for their wedding 19 years ago. 1. Would you have texted him or just tear up the check? 2. Would you write them a new check? DH and I have differing opinions.


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Old 08-02-2020, 07:56 AM
  #2

Wow. I think if they messaged you as a "Haha, look what we found!" sort of way, that is one thing. But if they were angling for you to send them a new check, that is rude.

I would not replace the check. They need to take better care of their gifts. If I lose a gift card, Starbucks doesn't replace it.
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Old 08-02-2020, 08:11 AM
  #3

I agree with Mallory!
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Old 08-02-2020, 08:25 AM
  #4

I’m with Mallory on this. I hope they were texting with the idea of sharing how immature they had been then, not hoping for a replacement. They could frame it as a memento.
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Old 08-02-2020, 08:35 AM
  #5

I think I'd reply, "How funny!" That's it. No check.


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Different perspective
Old 08-02-2020, 08:47 AM
  #6

First, I would have laughed with my husband when I found the check but would not have texted a second cousin unless we were close. Then, I would do it in a joking manner never expecting a new check.

With texting it’s hard to read the true communication.

Weddings are hectic and someone else could have been in charge of gifts.

I might be tempted to write a new check, especially if their money situation was not good now. Also, I would have noticed at the time that the check hadn’t been cashed.

When I didn’t receive a thank you note from a teaching partner‘s son and her new daughter in law I gently checked with my friend about the gift. Upon checking the couple have never received my gift. I had purchased it from a department store registry. It turns out that there were two weddings with the same last name in the same town with the groom having the same first name within two weeks of each other and the other couple had received the gift.
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agree with you all
Old 08-02-2020, 08:48 AM
  #7

I did not see the text, but I'd have never sent it in the first place lest it seem I was asking for a replacement...............after 19 years. I told DH to do what he wanted, but that I thought it was rude. I think he will send a check.
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Old 08-02-2020, 08:54 AM
  #8

Ummmmm yeah no. Fun story. End of story.
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Old 08-02-2020, 08:56 AM
  #9

That actually happened to us. We found two checks (my uncle, and my brother) when my daughter moved out from her sweet sixteen several years earlier. We were very embarrassed and went back and forth if we should make a joke of it just to let them know that it didnít get cashed, nor would it, but we apologize for the oversight. They were significant amounts and I was worried they eventually noticed the discrepancy in their checking and thought we were ungrateful.

We ended up not saying anything in the end and shredded them, but I still felt like we should have sent some sort of recognition for the oversight. But I was worried they would think that we were asking for permission to cash it or send another one.

I fairly pretty confident your cousins were just embarrassed and laughing about it. I would not write them another check, nor do I think they would expect it.
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Old 08-02-2020, 09:40 AM
  #10

What was the purpose of them texting? Was it a Ha-ha, isn't this funny, look what we found? Or was it "Can we still cash this?", "Can you rewrite a new check" type thing?

If I were them, I wouldn't have said anything. I would have had a good laugh and maybe saved it as a memento or something, but I would be too embarrassed to say anything!

If I were you, if they didn't ask you to rewrite it or to cash it and just stated what they found, I would reply with something like "too funny! What a momento" or something like that and moved on. If they asked for me to rewrite it, I would be taken a back, but assuming I had the money in my account, I think I would just to make them happy and avoid the conflict/drama.


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Old 08-02-2020, 10:21 AM
  #11

I'm surprised when you were balancing your checkbook 19 years ago, you didn't realize they never cashed it.

I would have probably texted, even though it's 19 years later, just to clear up what happened (or didn't happen to your gift). I would be embarrassed, but I would want you to know what happened. I assume they thanked you for it at the time.

I don't think I would feel like I had to write them a new check. You gifted them at the time, it is their fault they didn't take care of the money. Of course, if you feel you have the means and want to be nice, you could offer them a new check and be prepared to write one if they accept your offer. For me, it would depend on how close I was to them relationship-wise.
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Old 08-02-2020, 12:59 PM
  #12

Agree with MalloryJames!
I see it similar to finding a gift card that has now expired. Too bad I didn't find it in time, but that's life. Anyway, 19 years later? That money would have been long ago spent, with no recollection of how, lol.
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Old 08-02-2020, 02:41 PM
  #13

Well, I would think after 19 years, they should not expect a replacement check. Too funny! I would have just torn it up and thrown it away.
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Old 08-02-2020, 02:46 PM
  #14

I'm not sure they were asking for a new check. I would have totally texted just because I would think it was funny. I agree with others that I would respond something like, "Too funny!" I would not send a new check nor do I really believe they're expecting a new check.
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Old 08-02-2020, 02:57 PM
  #15

I would have texted as a ďHaha, look what we found. Can you believe it? Sorry if we didnít send you a thank you note.Ē Because I would be worried that even after 19 years they wondered why they didnít get a thank you.
I would never expect a replacement check nor would I send one.
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