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Thank you notes
Old 11-18-2020, 01:35 PM
  #1

Are thank you notes a thing of the past? I was taught to write them, and I still do. What are your thoughts?



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Old 11-18-2020, 01:42 PM
  #2

I was brought up to write them also. I still do. I think it shows a level of respect . I raised my children to write them (well made them growing up), I don't think they do as adults now. Both boys. However I have 3 grown nephews who write the most outrageous funny thank you notes.
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Old 11-18-2020, 02:03 PM
  #3

We were brought up to write them. My mom is rabid about it. I still write them. My brother and SIL don't. Neither do my nieces and nephews.
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Old 11-18-2020, 02:05 PM
  #4

It is the polite thing to do when someone has spent time and money to search for the perfect gift.
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Old 11-18-2020, 02:10 PM
  #5

My adult children write them. I will accept if DD sends a text or an email as long as it is a heartfelt thank you. My brother's daughters send them or they will call to say thank you. But my DHís side of the family never sends any. Not for shower gifts, wedding gifts, graduation gifts or their kidís birthday gifts. Frustrating but they live close by and prepandemic we saw them often.


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Old 11-18-2020, 02:19 PM
  #6

I was brougt up to write them. I raised both of my kids to write them as well. DD still does, she is working on writing about 175 from her wedding last month. DS's wife was not brought up to write them. I am trying to teach DGS about them. DS'S wife is getting better at even saying thank you for something in person. Her family is strange, but I have talked to DS and said you know she's an adult and a mom and should at least know how to say thank you for something. It drives my DD crazy.
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Old 11-18-2020, 02:19 PM
  #7

I am in my early 30ís and still write thank you notes. However, I probably donít write them as often as some. If I thank somebody in person I donít also send a thank you note.

I write for every student that gives me a Christmas gift or an end of year gift and send it home with them the day I receive the gift.
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Old 11-18-2020, 02:27 PM
  #8

I think expressing some form of thank you is just plain good manners. I grew up writing thank you notes but I realize that times have changed so I need to change too. IMHO - a thank you does not need to be a written note anymore so a phone call, email or a quick text is fine with me.
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I write them
Old 11-18-2020, 02:30 PM
  #9

I mail thank yous to my students at Christmas and at the end of the year. I think it is important to let them know I appreciate whatever they give me.

I also write thank you notes to friends. Family gets thanked verbally at Christmas/birthdays, etc.
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Old 11-18-2020, 02:48 PM
  #10

I write them and have taught my children too, though they don't have much occasion to write one. Granted, I only write one for a gift or kind gesture. I know a woman who would write a thank you if she received a card. She kept Hallmark happy

I also will send a text if I don't have an address.


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Old 11-18-2020, 02:54 PM
  #11

I was able to make Boy write thank you notes until he was about 16 and then he started writing email thank yous. I think he's kept it up but I'm not convinced.

I still send handwritten thank you notes to my family every year after Christmas. My goal is to have them written and mailed before Jan 1.

I would love to receive a hand written thank you note but I know people have less and less time and interest now. Mostly what I want is acknowledgment they received the gift because it just seems polite.
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Old 11-18-2020, 03:02 PM
  #12

I think they should still happen!
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Old 11-18-2020, 03:40 PM
  #13

If they open the gift in front of me (whether at a home party or at a shower) and say thank you then, I donít expect a written thank you. But, if we mail a gift, at the minimum, I expect a text thank you. I have been known to text and ask if the gift was received or should I notify the post office that the package is missing. The good thing about using that text message is that, in the past, it has resulted in a prompt text thank you for the next gift package.
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Old 11-18-2020, 03:51 PM
  #14

No, I don't think they are a thing of the past. I just think some people make excuses to justify being too lazy and too disrespectful to take the time to write one. My opinion, it's a sign of having good manners and being respectful of the person who took the time and spent the money to get the gift.

No acknowledgement is just rude.

Recognizing that times have changed, I do think that a phone call, text, or email could take the place of a handwritten note. But, I am forever impressed by someone who takes the time to respond to a gift with a handwritten one. That's just me. Perhaps it was the way I was raised.

I don't fall for the excuse that "if it was a gift from the heart, one shouldn't expect a thank you", or "it doesn't go with the whole meaning of giving a gift.

Expect no further gifts from me if I don't get some type of thank you, especially if it is for a wedding, baby shower, graduation, gift to an adult.

I think a good percentage of adults know it is good manners to write a thank you note. Whether they wish to do is up to each person. It's also up to each person who does not receive a thank you note to form their own opinion of the person who did not send them one.
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THanks for the input
Old 11-18-2020, 03:52 PM
  #15

Lately, graduation money, wedding shower, wedding gifts, and baby gifts have not be acknowledged. Due to covid, I sent money or a gift, so an in person thank you was not possible Our niece posted a blanket thank you for all those who attended and/or sent gifts to her shower on FB. I think it's rude and lazy to not take the time to write individual notes. I'm glad I'm not alone
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Old 11-18-2020, 03:55 PM
  #16

Yes, I absolutely write thank you notes, or at least make a phone call to verbally thank the giver, something personalized and not a generic whole group thing. (As a gift giver, any kind of acknowledgment is ok with me.)

My parents (ok, mainly my mom) drummed it into us when we were growing up). When we were very little, and writing was hard, she would have us call our grandparents to thank them for birthday gifts, to be a bit more personal, I guess. Later, my grandparents moved to our city, so we saw them all the time, but it was second nature to make that special phone call to thank them. Even though neither grandparent was chatty on the phone, these were always 2 minute conversations, tops.

Years later, as an adult, I was grateful my mom had raised us to do so, because my grandmother commented negatively a few times about a cousin (one of her other granddaughters who would just write the phrase "thank you" on the back of the cashed check so my grandma would see it when she got her cancelled checks (before banks went paperless, lol) in lieu of a thank you card or call. She never otherwise criticized any of her grandchildren so it must have bothered her.
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Always
Old 11-18-2020, 04:05 PM
  #17

I still do! I know I've heard some people say if you thank them in person or send a text message, you're fine, but I still like to write a thank you note. Actually, actually writing them is kind of a pain for me, I'll admit that, but I'd feel completely guilty if I didn't write one.
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Old 11-18-2020, 04:25 PM
  #18

I write them because Iím supposed to. I donít care one whit if I receive one as long as I know the gift was received and not lost. I give it a cursory glance and then into the trash it goes. I would much, much, much rather get a phone call, text or email. I hate waste. Plus I hate the thought of a parent forcing a child to write a thank you note. They are rarely heartfelt. Email me a pic of the kid using the gift and my heart smiles.
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Old 11-18-2020, 04:51 PM
  #19

Firm believer of thank you notes here. But... when my kids do it, my SIL told me they don't need to do it (still did). These days, my teens write texts thanking relatives for gifts and, if money, what they were going to, or did, spend it on.
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No!!
Old 11-18-2020, 05:29 PM
  #20

I still write them. DD1 (21) and DD2 (19) are both VERY good about writing them too. It's one of the silly things I'm so proud of them for. DSD also almost always writes them too... I must have rubbed off. DSS not so much, but 3/4 isn't so bad. 😂😂
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thank you notes
Old 11-18-2020, 05:54 PM
  #21

I know what you mean! We were brought up to always write them. It drives my a little bonkers when I don't hear back from family and friends that live out-of-state. I always wonder if the gifts were even received!
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Old 11-18-2020, 06:49 PM
  #22

It depends on the scenario for me. I have one surviving grandparent and we have never been super close (there are lots of family issues here I won't get into). I don't even have her phone number, and I live in another state. A few years ago she started sending me a small check on my birthday. I send a thank you card back just because I feel like I have to acknowledge it somehow, and I really have no other way that I would contact her. If my mom sends me something unexpected in the mail, I'd send a text, and she'd do the same for something from me.

I've never done the marriage/kid thing, so I've never had something formal like a baby/wedding shower. I also never did any formal graduation parties because my family is so small that the idea was just silly. In those scenarios I think I would feel that thank you notes are still expected. My dad has always worked in really wealthy schools and gets a ton of nice gifts for Christmas. My mom is always ON HIM about taking his thank you note cards to school and making sure he writes them that day to send home with kids before break. I've only worked in very low SES schools, and as a non-classroom teacher never receive gifts in this setting, so not something I need to worry about either.
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Old 11-18-2020, 07:19 PM
  #23

It is one thing that ticks me off. The least you can do is call and/or text a thank you. I have stopped giving gifts to 7 of my nieces and nephew because I never get a thank you for any gift I give to them. Its obvious that they don't care about anything I give them cash or gift. I don't expect a gift from them, but I do expect a thank you in some form.
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Yep
Old 11-19-2020, 04:34 AM
  #24

I'm 34, and I still write thank-you notes. In fact, I always wonder if the couple got the gift if I went to a wedding or baby shower and don't receive a thank-you note. Personally, I feel like you certainly should for things like that. I don't always write thank-you notes to my family members (like grandmas, aunts, uncles, etc.) that I see on a regular basis when they give me gifts.. However, maybe I will start that.

One example is that we celebrated pastor appreciation week at my church a few weeks ago. My husband and I gave both of our pastors a small gift card to a restaurant that they frequent. We handed the card to the pastors, but they didn't open it then. We never got a thank-you note from either one. While it might be petty, but I think that's not cool (and I also half wonder if I put the gift card in there.. you know, teaching at home Covid brain?! In my defense, I haven't found them at my house) haha
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