[Akitia]

I want to report an updated on my firing situation. It is long, so please know I appreciate your reading it to the end.

I am feeling a little ashamed of myself because I think I should be happy.

I was so depressed after being fired, I thought about suicide every single day, some days I couldn’t or didn’t get out of bed.

There were a few days that I caught a glimmer of hope; on those days I would apply for positions. I would apply for a bunch of jobs; any job and any position. Most went unanswered.

I was afforded an interview at two schools that I really wanted to work; I was rejected for both. I got back into my pajamas and went back to bed until the next glimmer of hope appeared.

I applied to seven schools at once, five responded, and I interviewed with three. Fortunately, I received two offers, and I accepted both. Of course, I couldn’t keep both, I had to make a choice.

Unfortunately, both schools are in a district that is over 2hrs from where I live. I made my choice and began the paperwork for employment; I am suppose to report to work on Monday.

The shame is this, although, I will be making $9000 more than the position I was fired from, I am not excited or happy.

I do not want to relocate, I do not want to commute, I do not want to pass on the opportunity. I do not mean to be ungrateful, I JUST DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO!

I would love to hear your input - what do you think? I look forward to your responses.

[cruxian]

Congratulations on the offers and the job position!!! Akitia, is it possible for you to go and talk to a therapist? You've had a lot to process over the last couple of months. It's hard for me to judge, simply from what you've written, the depth of your unhappiness. It might be nice to have an outside perspective.
What do you do? I'm not sure exactly what you mean. Do you mean do you start the job or not? TBH, I don't really have the option not to work (other than going on welfare). I'd report to work on Monday. I'd also figure out how far away I'd be willing to commute. Two hours---no, so I'd be moving closer.
Best of luck.

[Song of Joy]

Congratulations on 2 job offers! That has never happened for me.

I don't know if you rent or own a home in your current location, but I would move to your new community. If you own, find a rental company who will manage renting your existing home and then decide after a year or two at your new school if you want to make the move permanent.

If you were able to get that many interviews, it means you are highly sought after and you may be able to find a job closer to your preferred area after a year or two in a new situation.

Also, please take care of yourself. You will need all your strength for this change. I agree with Cruxian that you should visit the doctor and perhaps take some meds until you feel like yourself again.

Once you recover from the hurt of the other situation, I think you will find new depths of resilience in yourself. If you can practice gratitude for all the little blessings in your life, I think you will go beyond resilience to great strength. Just look at all you accomplished when you were feeling like the wind was knocked out of you! I can't imagine your impact once your strength returns. And now you will have a heart that understands others who go through your experience and can be a comfort to others.

A song I love says, "Nothing is wasted". That is my hope for you.

[calumetteach]

That is a great increase in salary. I think I would try to move closer to work and know that it doesn't have to be a permanent thing. Having a purpose and and income seems to be the most important thing for you right now.

I am so sorry for your hurt and I know how hard it is to move on from that. I would bet that many of us at PT have had difficult situations at work and have had to start over from a previous job or position. You are strong and you can move forward.

I also think you need to talk to a doctor and find a good therapist. If you don't click with one (though you should give them a chance) try another. The first session is the hardest since they need a lot of information in order to understand you and help you.

I am wondering if you came from a family that was critical or something. My parents loved their kids, but always questioned us and there was a lot of criticism. I am still working through that and I am well over 50.

Also, try to find something you can be grateful for as you start and end the day. Try to focus on that. We are here for you and sending you good thoughts.

[Akitia]

With tears flowing - I thank you - and I hear you -THANK YOU

[Haley23]

I agree with the therapy suggestion. And with your raise, you should be able to afford it, if you want to look on the bright side .

Are you renting right now or do you own? If renting, I'd start looking to move ASAP. I've done it a few times and it is some work, but nowhere near the amount of time that you'll spend commuting 2 hours each way daily. If you own, it's obviously more complex but with that kind of commute, I'd still be starting the process. You could even sell your place and rent for awhile so you don't have so much going on at once.

I've moved 3x as an adult and am currently in the middle of moving from an apartment to a townhome I recently bought. I'm a list person. If it would be helpful for you, I'm happy to share my moving to do list and break down of what should be done when. Just let me know.

[Munchkins]

I wanted to add my congratulations and my concern for your emotional well being. I pray this job will bring you happiness and a sense of purpose.

I think that if you don’t want to make a “permanent” move for whatever reason, you could rent a studio or maybe a room to use during the school week, and go home on weekends if you want.

I took a job far away (800 miles) but we kept our house and are renting only a mile from the new school. It cut out all the travel stress.

Let us know how you’re doing- we care!

[Akitia]

Thank you -yes - please share your list.

[Akitia]

I am trying to be okay - I am my sole survivor - I had to take the job

[JanetL]

Congratulations! I wish you a wonderful school year!

[GoodEnough85]

I can tell what I would do... I too hate change and I hate moving... separately and together.

BUT, what I would do in the situation would be to use part of the pay raise to arrange some kind of housing in the new location--temporarily--something on a month to month or short lease or even a hotel or room to rent thing. You can keep the original place until you decide. You can go "home" on weekends...

THEN if you are adjusting to the new location and can see a future there, give up the old apartment and city. If not, immediately start looking for next year's position and ride out the present job for the contract time.

I would NOT give up the position.

[Haley23]

Thank you -yes - please share your list.

Because I was anxious about something going wrong with my house closing, I didn't give notice at my apartment until right after that, so now I have 30 days to move and am doing so slowly. BUT, honestly I could have easily done it all in a week or 2. But if you're feeling stressed, no harm in taking your time.

First (I'd start this even if you're not even looking at places yet):
-Start purging your belongings. Now is a great time to do the Marie Kondo/does it bring you joy thing. I looked through all of my things and decided if I used/enjoyed that item enough to deal with the hassle of packing and moving it. Of course it will depend on how much stuff you have- I'm not a pack rat, but still had stuff to get rid of. I set a goal to throw out at least one trash bag's worth of stuff every day. I also organized the stuff I was keeping.

Then:
-Work on changing your address (assuming you have access to the new place- don't do this until it's yours/you've received keys). I made a list of all the places I needed to contact and it seemed like a lot, but with so much being online now and I was able to do this in about an hour one night. Here's the places I had:
-USPS
-DMV
-Employer
-Health, vision, and dental insurance
-Car insurance (I actually ended up getting a discount, as my new neighborhood was considered safer )
-HSA card
-Bank
-Credit card (different company than my regular bank)
-Cell phone company
-Amazon

-Start taking things off the walls in your current place. Again, figure out what you want to save and what you can get rid of. When you start with the walls, you're still packing, but not causing disruption to the things you're still using daily.

-Shop for any big new things you want/need for the new place. I decided to do a new look for my living room, so I got new furniture, which was actually delivered today. I'll look for smaller touches/decorations later as it's not important to have the entire place decorated perfectly upon move in. The only other big thing I need is a washer/dryer, which I'm actually going to look for today.

-Look through a few online reviews and choose/schedule movers. IMO it is 1000% worth it to just hire professionals. My move should cost me less than $300 including tip.

-Start packing up belongings, starting with the items you use less frequently and won't decide you still need in the middle of the packing (i.e. lesser used kitchen/cooking things, clothing, extra hangers, etc.) Make sure to label boxes with the room and general description of items. The movers will put the boxes in the right room for you.

-Deep clean wherever you're currently living. Because I have a cat, I'm waiting until we move into the new place and then I'll come back and do things like clean the oven with Easy Off, use bleach on the shower tiles, etc. If this isn't a concern for you, this is also something that can be done early.

-Set up new services/cancel old services, or transfer services for:
-Internet
-Cable if you're getting it
-Electricity/Gas
-Gym membership, library cards, any other local memberships you have

-When you get into the new place, unpack things that you need to use right away. I'm the type of person that will just want it all done once I'm there, but if you're not, set a goal for a number of boxes you'll unpack daily so you're not living in box city for forever .