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for those trying online dating...warning!!!
Old 04-17-2008, 05:39 PM
 
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Ok, I've been on eharmony since Oct. and have met a few guys, dated a few times...no chemistry. Then last week I find someone who I thought I really could connect with. We exchanged questions/answers...he had all the right answers...we emailed via eharmony a few times. He gave me his phone number today. SOOOOO, I looked up his last name by googling reverse phone book and then looked him up in the court access site for my state. Well, I figured I'd find his divorce on there, but much to my surprise there is a RESTRAINING ORDER for domestic abuse filed 3 days ago!!!!!! OMG....I was supposed to call him tomorrow night, I think I'll just close him out....Ya think???? It's official.....I GIVE UP!!!!!! And, what's more, I don't care. I really don't.

So, my advice is to check out any guy BEFORE you call him. Make sure you get HIS number, look him up and check out your state's circuit court access website. I am soooo glad I did!



Last edited by chronicfun; 04-17-2008 at 05:42 PM.. Reason: added stuff....I also realize I wanted to post in lounge, not here, oh well!
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Old 04-17-2008, 05:41 PM
 
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Wow, thats crazy!
Ive never tried an official dating service but in my teens I was meeting guys off the INTERNET. Yes, I know, it can be very dangerous. Believe me I know!!!
But, I did meet my daughters father off of AOL. He was 25 I was 19, he is now 33 (ill just share his age and not mine HAHA).
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so smart!
Old 04-17-2008, 05:46 PM
 
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Can I just tell you how smart and level-headed you are?! I know it's frustrating, but better to find out now who it is that you're dealing with.

This just reminds me how lucky I am to have married someone who's been my best friend since we were 10 years old. (I was just complaining about him - but now I need to run right upstairs and kiss him! )

It's a scary world out there...if I were single I'd be really tempted to turn into a "crazy cat lady".
(If you squint your eyes and use your imagination, it kinda looks like a cat - right? Well...hmmm... off to smooch my hubby!)
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give your hubby
Old 04-17-2008, 05:52 PM
 
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MORE than a smooch! You are blessed! I know I am too...in that I am level headed enough to not get sucked into a bad relationship. Dodged another bullet!

Btw, my kitty is sitting here next to me on the couch as I type.....I could see getting a few more. Yup, they do kinda look like kitties!
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Old 04-17-2008, 05:57 PM
 
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I'm glad you shared! I'm married, but after being married so long, if I ever found myself in that situation (online dating), I'm not sure I would have remembered to do what you did. Probably, but who knows. I tend to be very trusting by nature!Can't even imagine what it would be like to date again.

I bet once you stop looking....something or someone will fall into your lap!


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Match
Old 04-17-2008, 08:00 PM
 
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Eharmony didnt work for me. I used match and singlesnet. They both were good for me. Its hard when meeting people online, but who knows if you would meet someone like that in a bar, ya know?
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good for you, chronic!
Old 04-18-2008, 03:00 AM
 
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My sister had met a guy online and he talked a very good game. He shared his full name, his job, where he lived, and wanted to meet her. At the time I had a home business of judgment recovery, so I had access to some membership sites where I could look up people. It turned out this guy lied about his name (), his job, the city he lived in, and the fact that he was STILL married. He wasn't smooth enough - he left at least a little truth and we figured out the rest. When she confronted him, he said they were separated, but didn't explain the other lies. She blocked him immediately.

I met my husband online, not through any ads, we had met in a chat room. He's a gem, truly, and I shudder to think he could have been another jerk. I was so lucky!
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Wanted to add...
Old 04-18-2008, 03:10 AM
 
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I just wanted to add that THIS IS NOT JUST AN ONLINE THING! I think online dating gets this horrible rap, when it's just people in general. yes, it's easier to lie about your name and whatnot...but even guys you meet out in public could have a domestic abuse charge against them. Would you think to look them up? I think people in general just need to be more cautious. Not just online datiers.
 
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I agree
Old 04-18-2008, 03:44 AM
 
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that obviously this could happen online or offline. I just felt a bit more secure after emailing back and forth and had never encountered this before (someone having a restraining order when I looked them up). I've never met guys in bars before. Before doing the online thing, I met guys through friends and got to know their background that way. I was upset last night and realize not all guys online are abusers! It's just a good reminder to slow down and really get to know someone before meeting or dating. I was just glad I didn't call him, then he'd have my cell phone number if he had caller id.

Oh, and, yes I do look up any guy, even ones I met through friends, just to check them out. For what it's worth I even look up parents of the kids in my class. It has really shed some light on some home situations.

Last edited by chronicfun; 04-18-2008 at 03:48 AM.. Reason: added a thought.
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Old 04-18-2008, 05:35 AM
 
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I'm going to throw this story out there, but I certainly wouldn't take a chance with a random guy that you just met....
A friend of mine just had a restraining order against him last week. Everyone who knows this soon-to-be ex-couple knows that his wife is the LOCO one, but she went to the judge with a story and got a temporary 6-week restraining order. I know that you don't know what goes on behind closed doors, but this woman is wacked! He can't do anything about the restraining order until the hearing comes up, and he is unable to see or talk to his kids!

But, as I said before, there is NO WAY I would assume a restraining order wasn't for legit reasons if it was a guy I didn't know for a l-o-n-g time. It's just way too risky!!


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Meeting new people!
Old 04-18-2008, 06:21 AM
 
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There are better ways to meet people than these websites.

Join a gym, visit the library, take up carpentry or whatever workshop is offered at your local homedepot, visit a book store and sit at the cafe and meet people, join a book club, i can go on and on.....
Point is..... give yourself a chance to meet nice, real, local people from your community by simply getting out of your house and putting yourself out there

P.S. i'm only in my 20's


Best of luck/wishes
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Old 04-18-2008, 06:37 AM
 
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I guess that for us who have been a bit bruised by life, online dating is a way of getting our feet...well, not too wet too fast, just splashed At least that's how I see it
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as far as meeting "real" people
Old 04-18-2008, 07:02 AM
 
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in the real setting of the very small town I live in....I teach first grade, have a 4 y/o son and my life is school and home. On the weekends I work around the house and get caught up. I know of a few single guys in town. Some are into things I don't approve of, some are gay, and some don't want to get involved with a single mom. For me online dating has been interesting. It's helped me define who I am and what I want/don't want. It also allowed me to go on a few dates with a few nice guys, but for several reasons those did not work out. While my subscription to eharmony is almost up, I'm not giving up, even though I felt like it last night. I'm going to focus on enjoying my life and giving all of my attention to my son (not that he's been neglected in this process since I get online while he's asleep and date on the weekends he's with his dad). Anyway, I know to each his or her own. I don't understand the bar scene, but would never tell someone to NOT do it...you just never know where you will find someone to connect with.

SunGirl....I did think about the situation you mentioned. Like you said, while it's a definate possibility, I'm not taking ANY chances!!! Even if it was the woman he was involved with who was the psycho,if I get involved with this guy, I have to deal with a psycho ex girlfriend....no thanks!

Sorry for the rambling.....I feel more realistic about this whole dating scene. I tried online, parts of it were fun and it DID boost my self-esteem, but it's just not working right now. I'm giving it up to God!
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My ex-husband just married a
Old 04-18-2008, 07:52 AM
 
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woman he met on plenty of fish. It is a free dating service. They dated two years and I think she is very nice.

Ruby
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I agree Chronicfun!!
Old 04-18-2008, 11:18 AM
 
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I wouldn't have taken the chance either! Definitely not worth it.

Great point about dealing with a crazy ex, especially in my friend's case....now THAT would scare me.
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Old 04-18-2008, 03:20 PM
 
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Chronic, how do you know their last names ahead of time?
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jen....
Old 04-18-2008, 03:24 PM
 
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The only way I knew his last name was because he gave me his phone number and I googled reverse phone book where you put in a phone number and they tell the name of who has that number. I then looked him up in court access. I just was online and closed him out. Phew!
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Old 04-18-2008, 04:44 PM
 
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I am so glad that you were smart enough to check. You are lucky and thank you for sharing this information with others who may get into the same situation.
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Chronicfun
Old 04-18-2008, 04:45 PM
 
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Just curious, how do you look someone up in court access?
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court records
Old 04-18-2008, 05:35 PM
 
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These are public records available for anyone to view. I live in Wisconsin and "Wisconsin Circuit Court Access" is the site I bookmark and check names when needed

I would imagine each state is different, but if you google your state and court access or something to that effect, I would imagine it would lead you in the right direction. Hope that helps.
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Court Records
Old 04-18-2008, 06:56 PM
 
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I looked up the court access site for my state and typed in my own name to see what would come up. Apparently there are quite a few people here with my name that have been to court!
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