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Old 06-15-2019, 02:18 PM
  #1

How do you relax enough to let your kiddo go? DD has had her license for almost a year, but we still ride with her. Usually I make DH go with her, but I've started riding with her this week. I'm a nervous wreck the entire time. And, honestly, both times we've went somewhere together, I ended up driving on the way home. I just can't do it. Help! She just got a job, so she'll have to drive herself soon.


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Old 06-15-2019, 02:42 PM
  #2

Mama you just need to let her go. I will assume that so far she has been a responsible and sensible driver. She has been driving for a year and thats long enough for 99% of new drivers to learn how to drive independently. She needs to know that you believe and have confidence in her abilities to drive. This will increase her own self esteem and confidence in the process. Tell her that you are so proud of her, hand her the keys and let her go. Then go mix a drink and take a bubble bath to relax. Its not easy being a Mama.
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Old 06-15-2019, 02:47 PM
  #3

Let her go! Mine had his permit for his whole 15th year so at 16 he went. At least in today's world you can text them and know they made it safely as opposed to our parents. Just do it. I was confident in his abilities and responsibility. Plus, what's the point of them having a car and license if they can't take themselves to practice, work, etc. ? Enjoy your new found freedom!
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Old 06-15-2019, 02:48 PM
  #4

I agree with MathWA.Your dd will not be confident unless you let go. I did not ride with my kids while they were driving for at least a year.
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Old 06-15-2019, 03:14 PM
  #5

You simply have to let go as hard as it is. My younger daughter has had her license for a year like your daughter so I truly understand your apprehensiveness. You have to trust her driving skills. You can download an app and track her when she is driving.


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Old 06-15-2019, 03:18 PM
  #6

I just texted my friend about this. My ds got his license last week. He has Aspergers and I worry about him socially. Today he drove himself to the beach to meet up with some friends. I couldn’t say no, because I worry that he doesn’t socialize....but at the same time I worry because he is a new driver. I have been compulsively watching his dot on find my friends all day....I mean I’m watching that dot with more attention than I even give to Netflix.

My dd is 23 (tomorrow is her 23rd birthday), I always worry about her driving as well. I’m sad she moved 10,000 miles away, but kind of relieved that she moved to a place that has great public transit and is too expensive to have a car.

Are you nervous riding with her because she is a bad driver? My dd was a scary driver, so I didn’t let her go on her own until I felt she was safe (she never should have passed the test)- but after 6 months of riding with her she was good enough to go on her own. My DS is a great driver, so I had him start driving on his own right away.

I just read the other replies. I agree, just let her go, grit your teeth and don’t hesitate to track her. I also make my son let me know when he leaves and when he gets to where he is going. That gives me moments of relaxation when I know he is safe.
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Old 06-15-2019, 03:46 PM
  #7

As hard as it is, you have to let her go. Have HER text or call you when she reaches her destination. Do NOT text her. You want her to be focussing on the road at all times. She can't do that if you are texting and expecting a reply.
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Old 06-15-2019, 06:37 PM
  #8

Its one of the hardest things to do. I have been there 3x and just have to give in and let her go! Make sure you have something to do that will help keep your mind off of it the first couple of times. Each time gets easier.

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Old 06-15-2019, 08:25 PM
  #9

We are going through this with our 17 year old DS. DH and I are remembering back to when we learned to drive, and the best way we recall learning how to be good, confident drivers was just to get out and drive. You have to go out and about in different situations and learn how to respond and react. It's not easy to let our children do this, but I think it's a necessary part of the process of independence.
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Old 06-16-2019, 06:14 AM
  #10

She has had her actual license for a year and she hasnít driven. Y herself? Time to let her go. Plan some trips you feel comfortable with: send her on an errand to the store, or to pick something up.

I would really caution parents about apps that track your kids every single move. Really, I donít think that is healthy for parents or kid. Parents do not need to know every single move their ALMOST adult kids make, and it can cause even more worry. Unless you have reason to not trust your child, then donít do that.


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Old 06-16-2019, 01:52 PM
  #11

Quote:
Parents do not need to know every single move their ALMOST adult kids make, and it can cause even more worry. Unless you have reason to not trust your child, then donít do that.
I can understand that point of view. However, people use tracking apps for different reasons. I trust my kids, they can go where they want to go and to my knowledge have never lied about where they are. I usually only use it to make sure the dot is moving when they are driving. I have used it with both my sister and my dd when they have gotten lost and they call me to find out where they are (they both have no sense of direction). My kids have used to to find out where I am as well. I have used the app to get me where I am going- I was able to get directions to a remote cabin in Alaska where my aunt was staying by clicking on her dot on the app. (She didnít have an address). So yes, if you are using the app because you donít trust someone it can be bad, but there are legitimate and nice uses of the app as well.
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Old 06-16-2019, 07:09 PM
  #12

I had a really tough time with this when our oldest was 15. We didn't even encourage him to get his license because of it! Then it happened..... he started asking to ride in other cars with friends. That was worse! At least with my own children, I know our rules, how much practice he's had, etc... That's when I realized that I needed to let him grow up, be more independent, and get his license. No, it's not easy, but it was way easier than trusting someone else's child to transport my child.

The more you let her drive, the better she'll get.
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Old 06-17-2019, 03:45 AM
  #13

I still maintain that drivers ed and your kids getting their drivers license is by far the worse parenting experience of all.
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Old 06-17-2019, 06:11 AM
  #14

My kids being able to drive is the absolute best part of the teenage years! No more mom/dad taxi, they can go pick up whatever I forgot for dinner, run errands for me, etc.

We did due diligence, made sure our kids were decent drivers, and then let 'em go. It's a milestone and I think it's important to convey trust.
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