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How crappy is this?
Old 01-18-2020, 06:22 AM
  #1

My Ex and his GF gave DD19 a card for her birthday in October, with no gift, but they wrote inside, "We owe you you a trip to Costco!"

Well, it never happened. Of course. A gift card would have been better, so she could go at her convenience, and not have to go to them and say, "Umm... could we go to Costco for my birthday shop now?"

And it's also really ridiculous, because the implication is for her to purchase "necessities", not a "gift". But she actually doesn't mind that.

So now it's 3 months after her birthday, and she's heading back to college tomorrow. She NEEDS to do a big shop at Costco to re-stock on toiletries and food. She texted her father and asked if they could do the Costco trip yesterday, and he said he was busy. Today is his GF's birthday, so you know he won't be taking her to Costco today.

He's so incredibly lame, it just infuriates me. I texted him and suggested that he Venmo money to DD for her Costco trip. No reply.


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Old 01-18-2020, 06:32 AM
  #2

I'm sorry. That must be so stressful for both of you. It's probably not going to happen, but I hope does send her some money.
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Shop and get reimbursed?
Old 01-18-2020, 06:49 AM
  #3

Maybe she can shop at Costco and spend whatever he usually gives her, and text him the receipt and he can Venmo her (good idea!) I hope he keeps his word! What a lame gift, imho.

Last edited by Munchkins; 01-18-2020 at 01:07 PM..
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Old 01-18-2020, 06:49 AM
  #4

I’m sorry for you and your daughter. That’s not nice at all. I just did the Costco trip for ds going back to school. I feel your pain. When it’s their birthday, have dd give a card for a dinner to celebrate and then she doesn’t do it until she gets her Costco trip.
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My ex used to give my kids
Old 01-18-2020, 06:52 AM
  #5

Christmas cards that read, "This card is good for scuba diving lessons this summer" or "This card is good for surfing lessons this summer," etc. Not that my kids ever WANTED any of the exotic gifts he promised. Good thing, cause they NEVER got one. I told them to give him the same kind of card for his wedding to his third wife.

Even worse, when they did give Christmas or birthday gifts, they were so cheap, it was unreal. For their college graduations, he gave my daughter a bag of vegetables and flowers that they picked up on their way to the dinner at a "really nice farmer's market." They gave my son a bag of things from the hardware store with cute little messages on duct tape and a tape measure and hammer, etc. Really sick.

I will never understand how a parent can treat his children this way.


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Old 01-18-2020, 06:52 AM
  #6

I'm so sorry. That is crappy. It sounds like he's missing the perfect opportunity to spend time with her and get her the things that she needs.
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Old 01-18-2020, 06:54 AM
  #7

So sorry! My fiance' has the same kind of horrendous parents as your daughter's father who never puts his kids first either.
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Old 01-18-2020, 07:29 AM
  #8

Busy allllllll day for an adults bday? Unless they have a specific activity with a time there is no excuse for that! I still work in DH's b-day and we celebrate night because we're adults!
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I am sorry
Old 01-18-2020, 08:15 AM
  #9

Children should receive a birthday gift from their dad. He is lame.
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Old 01-18-2020, 08:17 AM
  #10

I'm so sorry. I can imagine feeling frustrated on behalf of your daughter. Sometimes hearing stories like this make me feel better that my DD hasn't seen her dad in 14 years, nor gotten anything from him. At least she doesn't expect anything.


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Old 01-18-2020, 08:43 AM
  #11

I wouldn't count on a reimbursement from dad. If he was really going to give it to her, he would have done so already. Lame.
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Old 01-18-2020, 09:28 AM
  #12

I am so sorry he disappointed your daughter. I wouldn't say a thing about it and just take her to Costco myself to stock up. Rise above...this is how your kid will learn who she can rely on. It's that whole "actions speak louder than words" thing.
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Old 01-18-2020, 09:40 AM
  #13

Dear Dad,
Thank you for thinking of me on my birthday. I'm sorry that we were unable to get together for the trip to Costco It would have been nice to spend time with you. I left for college yesterday. I look forward to seeing you on ( your birthday/Father's day)
Love,
Your Daughter.

Then ignore his bday/fathers day. Or do the same to him. Give him a card and then not have time to fulfll the obligation. Can you take her yourself, then post pictures of her at Costco with the message, Late birthday gift from mom but was able to get things I need.

What an ass.
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Wow.
Old 01-18-2020, 10:47 AM
  #14

He has been so incredibly clueless for so long, I shouldn't be surprised. Even so, how incredibly lame of him. I feel badly for your daughter.
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Old 01-18-2020, 10:59 AM
  #15

The sad truth is you'll never need to tell your DD what a jerk her dad is because he continuously teaches her that lesson. She'll know what to look for when she selects her husband and it will be anyone who is NOT like her dad.
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Old 01-18-2020, 12:15 PM
  #16

I am so sorry for your daughter. What a jerk! My brother and SIL for the last few years gives my DH a tri tip roast for his birthday. Then they ask to be invited over when he smokes it. not really funny
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Old 01-18-2020, 12:20 PM
  #17

Renea- such words of wisdom!!
I agree.
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Old 01-18-2020, 04:02 PM
  #18

Not a shortage of crappy exes out there. I have one too. Sadly, she should just have zero expectations from him.
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