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Angelo Angelo is offline
 
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I will LOOK at you...
Old 01-14-2020, 07:06 PM
 
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... when I’m speaking to you. Ever have a situation where you have a parent and student side by side for a conference? Kid sits silently while parent does all the talking. It happened to me today, and not for the first time. When I turn my face and make eye contact with the student and ask a direct question, shouldn’t that indicate I want an answer FROM THE STUDENT, and not from the parent? People... your kids are in high school. Do. Not. Speak. For. Them!! Especially when someone asks them a direct question! Then parents wonder why their kids are passive, lack initiative and intellectual curiosity, and are painfully risk-averse (and that their grades reflect that: mediocre, middling).

It’s especially infuriating when a kid has clearly gone home and fibbed to the parent about something, and I’m calling him out on it, but I can’t because the parent keeps jumping in and won’t let the student speak. I had one mom who was clearly becoming annoyed by my attempts to get answers from her son that she asked him to leave the room so we could “speak privately”. She then rounded on me and said I needed to stop “badgering” her son (he wasn’t doing his work in Math class, and he had mom convinced his poor performance was all the teacher’s fault). Mom felt my trying to shift the conversation away from the teacher and back onto her son and his accountability for his learning was “badgering” and “brow beating”.

Or in conversations about college when I ask a kid what he’d like to major in or if he wants to play football or how far away from home he’d like to apply, and mom jumps in and answers instead: “Well, we’ve given it a lot of thought and we feel a Business degree for undergrad is definitely the way to go.” Is this a Royal ‘We’ or what?

I think we have yet to calculate the amount of damage being done to the next generation by parents who don’t even trust them to answer basic questions for themselves.


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Look at me
Old 01-14-2020, 07:17 PM
 
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I am afraid. These are the children who are supposed to take care of me as I age.
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Old 01-14-2020, 08:08 PM
 
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Don't count on it, Keltikmom
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Angelo
Old 01-14-2020, 08:26 PM
 
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You are spot on in what you say.
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Old 01-15-2020, 08:17 AM
 
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Wow. You prefer to use eye contact? But....but........most children nowadays are only able to look at a screen. They even communicate with their parents mostly through a screen.

I'm big on eye contact too. I'm sorry if that's not your cup of tea but I learned that it's important for communication.


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Old 01-15-2020, 08:37 AM
 
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I’ve lost count of how many times I have said “please look at me when I’m speaking to you,” in the last 12 years.
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Old 01-15-2020, 03:02 PM
 
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I have had that happen in conferences, too. I stop the parent and say I want to hear the student’s response.
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My Response
Old 01-15-2020, 03:18 PM
 
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Look at the parent and say, "I will wait for your child to answer the next question I am going to ask. You are not allowed to answer for him/her."

I would also be conferencing with the parent and without the child present that talking and making decisions for your child is detrimental to his/her emotional and social growth. Let the parent chew on that for awhile.

By the way, I have done both of these things.
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Old 01-16-2020, 05:59 PM
 
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Semi related, I sub and always try to ask students about what they have been doing in class, what they are reading in English as that is my area, etc. It helps me with the later classes if I know what is due and when, and what they have been up to. I always have students who just don’t look at me or answer me. When I address a kid directly, sometimes they just look at me like they are a deer in headlights, and go back to the phones. It is very frustrating and make me worry.
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