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kristeacher kristeacher is offline
 
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husband inconsiderate or not
Old 04-28-2018, 03:50 PM
 
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Okay, so I will preface this by saying I have a great husband, who on a daily basis does everything around the house. He will shop, cook and picks up on a daily basis. The one thing he can not do is admit he is ever wrong. If he does something wrong he deflects about how much he does around the home. One thing does not have to do with the other. So tonight, he went to pick up son and friend and drop them off at another friend's parents restaurant for dinner while watching a game. Before he left, he said for me to just finish putting together the shish kabob, and he would be home to grill them. So I put the shish kabob together and wait- no hubby no call and now it is an hour later. I text him. No answer. I text my son a half hour later, and he says dad decided to stay and eat. I have no problem with that, but he doesnt even bother to call and tell us to finish the dinner. He also knows I am petrified of the grill, but if I knew I would have thrown it in the oven. Then when he gets home, I tell him I am pissed off about how inconsiderate he was. He again will not admit he was wrong. He said he had prepped most of the meal and I could have just thrown it in the oven, which I did. He doesn't get that is not the issue. The issue is he didn't call and he never said he was sorry. I am so angry, and I rarely get angry.

So my question is am I overreacting?
Thanks for the advice and the vent.


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Old 04-28-2018, 04:06 PM
 
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Iím not exactly sure what you said to him. I would have said, ďIt was an inconvenience to me to have to wait to cook dinner because you did not respond to my text. It really surprised me when DS texted me back (after you had not texted me) that you already ate when you had told me that you were going to grill the shish kabobs.Ē
So, yeah, if he still didnít get it after that, NO, you are NOT overreacting. That was rude to promise to cook dinner after you had prepared everything and not follow through.
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Old 04-28-2018, 04:14 PM
 
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I would be upset that he didnít call to let you know that he was staying and especially that he didnít text or call you back... I always expect my DH to text back unless heís at work/or really busy
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Old 04-28-2018, 04:46 PM
 
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He does not acknowledge your upset over his lack of communication. I would be greatly bothered by that behavior.
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Old 04-28-2018, 05:05 PM
 
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I can understand that you're angry....but in re-reading your first few sentences, I'd say cut him some slack and get over it! You have a husband who shops, cooks and picks up on a daily basis....count your blessings!


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Old 04-28-2018, 06:02 PM
 
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No your not overreacting. He should have called to let you know he was having dinner out.
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Old 04-28-2018, 06:56 PM
 
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I'd be upset also. For one, not calling was inconsiderate. I'd be worried that something might have happened to him. Second, it was rude of him to leave you alone for dinner without telling you.
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Old 04-28-2018, 07:03 PM
 
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He was disrespectful because while he changed his plans by staying and eating he left you hanging and didn't bother to even let you know. No matter what he did to get dinner ready, he told you one thing and did another. No matter how good he is at other things, it is basic respect to not keep someone who is waiting on you hanging.
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inconsiderate husband
Old 04-28-2018, 07:13 PM
 
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I would be upset too. I think it's quite inconsiderate. He should have called to say to not wait for him.
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I am not married but...
Old 04-28-2018, 07:26 PM
 
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I would be annoyed as well. I would also explain that I appreciate all the hard work, this isnt about him not doing enough, you see that he does a lot. This is about not calling when plans change. Yep plans change all the time and nope, you dont mind that he decided to eat with the boy while watching the game, you aren't begrudging his fun. This is about communication and/or respect and how it bothers you when he doesnt communicate because it makes you feel like he expects you to be a mind reader, or respect that you were waiting for him. So you want him to be more thoughtful about communication the future, and to not outright ignore you texts, if that what happened (it may not be, he may have left his phone in the car or something, I miss calls all the time when my phone is in my purse because I often dont hear it ringing and people have accused me in the past of ignoring their calls)

I also feel like its important to have these chats, because you have to clear the air and not let things build up, and he seems to not understand where you are coming from.


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Old 04-28-2018, 11:36 PM
 
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Yes, I agree with the others. That was inconsiderate of him and although you said your husband is great otherwise, I find it a little hard to believe that this one occasion was a 1x or 1st time action during the entire length of your relationship. Never admitting when one is wrong is quite a big problem to me and gets even more taxing as time passes on the partner of someone like that.

To me, a person must not be that "great" if he does something like that and I wouldn't buy it if he said, "I just forgot to let you know."

But hey, you're the one who's married to him, not us, so if you can put up with it, great.
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Not Good
Old 04-29-2018, 04:34 AM
 
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I'm sorry you had a rough evening. It was inconsiderate of him not to contact you to let you know he would be home late. The fact that he didn't apologize or acknowledge how inconvenient it was for you after you talked with him isn't good either.

Last edited by travelingfar; 04-29-2018 at 06:16 AM..
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kristeacher kristeacher is offline
 
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thanks
Old 04-29-2018, 08:58 AM
 
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Thanks for all of the feedback, I really appreciate it. I talked to him this morning about how it was not the fact he ate out, but the fact he didn't call to tell me that was inconsiderate. He did say he was sorry this morning for not calling, so that is a big step.

You are all the best!
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Old 04-29-2018, 10:41 AM
 
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Glad he was more receptive this morning. I'd be ticked off, too. Just let me know if your (our) plans change this significantly! My husband sometimes goes into way defensive (attack) mode when I'm frustrated with something. Drives me nuts.
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