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MissESL MissESL is offline
 
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Student Issue - How to Handle?
Old 09-05-2019, 03:21 PM
 
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I have a student who is in eighth grade. I had him last year as well, and I feel like we have a reasonable rapport.

Middle school is a weird time for kids. They’re figuring out who they are, and I’m all for that - however, this boy has recently begun making what u find to be inappropriate statements to two other boys in the class. His comments include-

-hey, sexy
-your pants are cute
-i’d tap that
-I love you, ____

-among others. The boys to whom he makes these comments have never complained; in fact, they ignore him. In the past, I’ve asked him to be respectful to others and be careful what he says, because some things could be taken the wrong way.

I don’t know if he thinks he is making a funny joke, or if he feels attracted to these boys - I would not want to make any assumption on someone’s sexuality, though. I know he’s “gone out” with a couple other girls in his year, but also know that doesn’t mean anything with young teens necessarily.

I’m just not sure how to handle this. Have I done enough, should I sit down and talk to him more specifically, or should I just ignore it because the other boys are?

Thank you for your opinion!


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Keltikmom Keltikmom is offline
 
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Student issue
Old 09-05-2019, 05:16 PM
 
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His choice of gender attraction isnít the issue as much as the fact that his words are sexually harassing. Think about it: if he said them to a girl, everyone would be all over him. Same goes if heís saying it to boys.

You need to talk to him...if you have a guidance counselor, invite them as well. He needs better language if he wants to show his interest in anyone.
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MaineSub MaineSub is offline
 
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Old 09-06-2019, 01:12 AM
 
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Sometimes I think we try too hard to explain and reason with kids whose logic is very different than ours. I sincerely doubt this is him finding out who he is--it's equally likely he's just trying to be funny and macho. He's violating school policy and he needs to stop. That's the conversation I'd probably have with him. The policy reflects an expectation. He's not meeting it. I suppose that sounds insensitive but sometimes things can be fairly simple and straightforward.
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RetiredKat RetiredKat is offline
 
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Old 09-06-2019, 02:43 AM
 
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That is a tough situation. There are a number of possibilities. You may want to talk to him but I think that you should not be alone with him. A counselor or administrator should be present. His actions need to be addressed to protect you as well as the boys he's harassing. They may be bothered by his comments more than they're willing to admit. You can't predict how their parents will react if and when they find out. Definitely speak to an administrator to determine how to proceed. You need to protect yourself as well as the other students.

I may be way off base but is there any possibility that he is being abused and this is his way of acting out? I truly hope I'm mistaken but maybe his comments are really a cry for help.

From the tone of your post, I think he's fortunate to have you on his side.
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MissESL MissESL is offline
 
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Update - sort of
Old 09-08-2019, 12:44 PM
 
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Thank you for your advice and even more, I appreciate your kind words. So much.

The student was absent Friday, so Iíve had a few days to consider the situation and make a plan. Iím going to start if tomorrow with letting the counselor know, and have a private conversation after class with the student. Iím also going to try to pay more attention to when he says inappropriate things and quietly remind him if our conversation.

If I notice it continuing - Iíll further enlist the counselor. She prefers to be hands off initially - an informed but silent partner, but steps in when truly needed.


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Please, please...
Old 09-08-2019, 04:57 PM
 
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Be very careful of being alone with him. At the very least, be sure your door is wide open and a colleague is nearby. Reach out to him but protect yourself too. I still think it would be better to have the counselor with you, especially in this situation. Let him know you are both concerned for him and he can talk to either one of you at any time.
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