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How do you sleep before your "adult" kids get home at night?

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How do you sleep before your "adult" kids get home at night?
Old 05-28-2019, 03:43 PM
  #1

My DD is home from college, and in a show in the city 35 minutes from our rural town. Rehearsal ends around 10-10:30, which means she gets home after 11:00. Sometimes, the kids like to go to a burger joint for shakes and fries after rehearsal, so it's even later. She also gives rides to a couple of other kids who live out our way. I get up at 5:30 a.m., and usually go to bed around 9:00. I need my sleep to wrangle my preK kids all day! lol!

The problem is that I just can't sleep until she's home. I try to! But I can't turn my brain off of "Mom mode" until I know that she's here, safe and sound. It will be fine once school is done, but I have 3 1/2 more weeks of this!

Any suggestions? Or do we all suffer through this?


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Old 05-28-2019, 03:54 PM
  #2

My mother always set an alarm clock for whatever time you think she should be home-like midnight. She used to put it outside her door, but you could put it somewhere near your room. Your daughter turns it off when she comes in. You get to sleep, and, if it goes off, you can start worrying then, not sooner.
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Old 05-28-2019, 03:56 PM
  #3

I'm just like you, Ruby07. When they are away at college I sleep just fine but I can't sleep until everyone that's coming home is home.
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Old 05-28-2019, 04:05 PM
  #4

When I was in college I was at my parents' house for the summer. I drove an hour and a half away to go out with friends. We drove to the nearest bigger town an hour away (opposite of my parents). We went to dinner and we saw a movie. Then we drove an hour back to my friend's house and hung out. Then I drove to my parents. I walked in the door at 4 a.m. and my mother was sitting in the living room. She didn't say a word. She stormed off up the stairs. Pretty sure she has never gotten over that. I thought she was crazy (still do a bit) but I understand it a bit more. Of course getting home at 4 a.m. when I didn't live in her house was kind of a normal thing. It happens when you live in the middle of nowhere.
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Old 05-28-2019, 04:06 PM
  #5

I never really slept that well and don't now when I am aware of on the road travel by my grown up kids. That's a mom life


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Old 05-28-2019, 04:12 PM
  #6

Oooo...I like that alarm clock idea.
Except my spacey kid would never remember to turn it off
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Old 05-28-2019, 04:16 PM
  #7

Usually our dog let me know, but even with that ... when my kids first started being out late, but still had a "curfew" I used the alarm clock. As they got older and it was simply about me being unable to sleep soundly because I'd wake up and wonder if they were home, I used the hall light. They'd turn it off when they came home, so if I woke up and didn't see light under the door I'd know they had come home and turned it off. Then I could go right back to sleep without even thinking about it.

It does get better. I currently have my 24 year old living here part of the week due to a weird work schedule and I don't even pay the slightest bit of attention. Even our dog decided not to worry about him and sleeps through his comings and goings!
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Old 05-28-2019, 04:17 PM
  #8

worked closing shift at a movie theater on Friday and Saturday nights, usually coming in at 12:30-1:00. We would go to bed, and the understanding was that they would wake us when they got home. They'd just pop their head in the door and say, "We're home," and that would be that.
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Old 05-28-2019, 04:47 PM
  #9

My mom expected me to tell her when I got home. Sometimes shed be asleep. Other times not. I never had a curfew, but I had to tell them where I was going and an approximate time to expect me home.
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Old 05-28-2019, 04:49 PM
  #10

My DD worked at a fast food place that closed on weekends at 1 in the morning, meaning it would be after 2 by the time they closed and she could leave. There was a light in the house I left on and she had to turn off when she got home. Spacey as she could be, she always remembered that, and I was able to easily tell at 2:30 if she was home or not.


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Old 05-28-2019, 05:12 PM
  #11

Its a mom thing. If my mom hasnt heard from me by the time she thinks she should have, I get a call or text. Because I know she wont sleep, I try to text her on my way messages before I head home. When Im at MY home, going to we every day and so on, shes fine. But if Im at HER house, its a big thing. I get it - moms do it the whole time we are growing up. Its second nature and not something you can turn off.
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Old 05-28-2019, 05:14 PM
  #12

My mom used the alarm to make sure we made curfew because she couldnt stay awake. I paid my little brother to turn it off for me.
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Old 05-28-2019, 05:52 PM
  #13

I don't know if this will help but I found I couldn't sleep well at first but I sort of got used to my daughter being out and I began to slowly worry less and I was able to sleep. I did ask her to turn on her SnapMap for me so if I was trying to sleep and couldn't, I could easily check to see where she was...knowing where she was made me feel better.
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Old 05-28-2019, 07:06 PM
  #14

I never could either when our kids were at home. I like the alarm clock idea!

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Old 05-28-2019, 07:46 PM
  #15

I told mine that adults are courteous to those they live with. They let others know when plans have changed. So if you are expected home at a certain time and aren't going to make it, you call (and leave a message if no one answers).

I went to bed believing that he'd be home when I got up in the morning. Only a few times did I get a call. And then I could go right back to sleep as I knew he was ok.

A few years later he told me that he once got ribbed about calling. He said he told that that I paid his tuition and he wasn't going to put that in jeopardy.
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Old 05-29-2019, 02:20 AM
  #16

We have a nightlight in our hall. The last person home turns on the nightlight. If I wake up I can glance over and see if the light is on through the crack along the bottom of the door. This works perfectly because our hall is so dark at night that we all prefer the nightlight to be on, so the last person home always remembers to turn it on.

I was afraid at first one of the kids would forget or pay the other one to turn on the light for them. I explained to them the night light on tells me who is in the house. This is important to know in the event of a fire.
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I never slept well.
Old 05-29-2019, 03:21 AM
  #17

I would get up multiple times in the night to look out the window to see if their car was in the driveway. One night, DS forgot his house key, and was coming in an unlocked window. He got the window open and started to poke his head through, and bumped heads with Roscoe, our big male boxer, who was standing guard at the window. Scared him to death, but Roscoe never made a sound, since he knew who it was. I laughed so hard when I heard that story. 🤣
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Old 05-29-2019, 03:23 AM
  #18

OP here ---- my HS friend's mom used the alarm clock trick. We used to run back to her house before curfew, turn it off, and then sneak back out. But this isn't about curfew, it's just about sleep!! We might try this.

But last night, I left the hall light on, and texted her telling her to turn it off when she got home.

Voila! I slept! I can't believe it was that easy. I woke up at 11:20 and saw that the light was off, checked my phone and saw that she'd gotten home at 10:55.
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Old 05-29-2019, 04:53 AM
  #19

I didn't originally have any advice to give, but I love when people give updates! I'm so glad the hall light worked for you!
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I was even worse than you -
Old 05-29-2019, 07:24 AM
  #20

Whenever I knew my daughter was out late in Berkeley, I asked her to call me when she got home (this was before texting). I worried so much, especially since she felt it was okay to walk home alone! She did often compromise and ask for the "Bear walk" (people who volunteered to walk others home at night). I never worried so much about my son, but he did not go out that much or stay out late. However, when he lived at home after college and commuted 50 miles to work, then stopped at his GF's and was not home by midnight, I worried about him, too.

So glad they are grown up and on their own in a different state. Sleep is wonderful.
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Old 05-29-2019, 11:27 AM
  #21

This is what I used to do:
I would keep my door open and go to bed early. When they got home, they had to close my door. So, if I woke up in the middle of the night and the door was closed, I knew they were home safe and sound. If the door was open, then I would start to worry.
But the point is, go to sleep at 9 as usual and get those few hours before you start to worry. You have a plan in place
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Old 05-29-2019, 03:51 PM
  #22

my ds 18 waits tables and doesnt get home some nights until 1 or 2. Or he goes and eats after work or whatever. I always go to sleep as usual, but he knows to come and tell me he's home. If he's going to stay the night with a friend he let's me know.

As a bonus, his truck has really loud mufflers so I usually hear him.get home.
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