Update on Embarrassed, Angry and hurt - ProTeacher Community




Home Join Now Search My Favorites
Help


      The VENT

Update on Embarrassed, Angry and hurt

>

Reply
 
Thread Tools
QueenBee2011's Avatar
QueenBee2011 QueenBee2011 is offline
 
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,754
Senior Member

QueenBee2011
 
QueenBee2011's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,754
Senior Member
Update on Embarrassed, Angry and hurt
Old 08-18-2019, 08:32 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #1

Hello all,
So I had my meeting with my P. It was mostly him telling me that the teacher only came to him out of concern for me. Then, it was revealed that it was more than just my partner. It was two other teachers too. So three teachers got together and discussed my mental abilities. I thought one of the three teachers was my friend.
After meeting with him, I had to sit with the Assistant P and my grade level partner to discuss how we were going to move forward this year. There was absolutely no mention of what my partner said. It is very obvious that my partner and the asst. P are buddy-buddy. I felt like the odd man out. It was excruciating. I am seriously not sure how I'm going to get through the next weeks meetings. I am so hurt and angry at these women for doing this to me.
I mentioned what happened to a friend who is upper management in HR at some company in my area. She told me that what happened was completely inappropriate and that it sounds like they are trying to force me out. I'm going to get some more information from her.

I just don't want to go back.


QueenBee2011 is offline   Reply With Quote

FLteachESE's Avatar
FLteachESE FLteachESE is offline
 
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 3,749
Senior Member

FLteachESE
 
FLteachESE's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 3,749
Senior Member

Old 08-18-2019, 11:26 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #2

I can understand you not wanting to go back and being embarrassed again.

I want to ask about the forgetfulness and your memory. Have you had more occurrances since?

I went back and read your original post and think that they definitely went beyond their rights for the "little things" that occurred. IF they were really caring about you they should have addressed these issues with you personally.

So back to me asking if anything else has occurred? I have an awful memory. and I am constantly messing up my words and not able to remember things. I have flubbed some emails too. At first it was little things and I was embarrassed, actually still am but it is better because people know I know and it is not intentional.

I went to the doctor about it.Went to the neurologist about it. No nothing wrong with my memory, he said ( as Im sitting there thinking hes nuts) but he suggested it sounded very much like I am distracted. Huh... couldn't imagine that, being a teacher and all! So my next step was psychologist for ADD testing. Unfortunately, havent been able to get in yet.

So now I own my forgetfulness and move on. It is not hindering my job with the students, though it is frustrating at times. And soon we will see if it is ADD. Luckily my coworkers are not like yours - I am truly sorry that you have to work with them.
FLteachESE is offline   Reply With Quote
noonespecial noonespecial is offline
 
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 824
Senior Member

noonespecial
 
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 824
Senior Member

Old 08-18-2019, 11:27 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #3

How horrible for you! I am so very angry for you. What is wrong with people??

No, if it was truly a concern for you, those teachers should have came to you and not admin. I am so very sorry.

I have no advice, just sadness and anger that you are going through this.
noonespecial is offline   Reply With Quote
grade2rocks grade2rocks is offline
 
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 695
Senior Member

grade2rocks
 
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 695
Senior Member

Old 08-19-2019, 03:22 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #4

I'm so sorry for you - your colleagues should have come to you if there was a concern, not admin. Your admin should have shut them down, and not try to have you "make nice" now. Admin has to know they were out of line, and is just trying to make it all go away quietly, so admin doesn't have to deal with it.

I would be so hurt if I were in this situation, that I would basically "shut down", mired in sadness, and would end up with these bullies getting what they wanted- me leaving. Don't let that happen-move on from sadness to righteous anger, and take action.

Don't let them make you feel "less". Go in next week, do your job, be cordial and professional, but do not trust them. Interact with them as necessary, and briefly document (yes, all year). You can be professionally cordial without being unfriendly. Please take care of yourself, and be proactive to protect your job, and your mental health at the same time.

Get information/advice from your friend in HR. The next step may be to go to the union or even get advice from an attorney. They shouldn't be allowed to slander you like this.

Also- what is your age? Could this be ageism from both colleagues and admin?
grade2rocks is offline   Reply With Quote
Violets2's Avatar
Violets2 Violets2 is offline
 
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 2,613
Senior Member

Violets2
 
Violets2's Avatar
 
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 2,613
Senior Member

Old 08-19-2019, 05:01 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #5

I am so sorry to read this. Is it possible the main offender went and talked to the other 2 and got them to go to admin? Meaning, they could just be passing on info not sharing any observed facts?

I hope you have a strong union. I also would be as professional as possible, double check everything that needs to be/is done so as not to give them any ammunition. If you feel in your heart, there is any validity to what was said about your memory issues, then see a doctor so you have medical documentation.

I'd look into putting a transfer in as well, if that's possible in your school system.

Hang tight!


Violets2 is offline   Reply With Quote
LazyLake LazyLake is offline
 
Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 406
Full Member

LazyLake
 
Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 406
Full Member

Old 08-19-2019, 05:20 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #6

True team members should have each others' back on reminding each other of things, whether those things are due dates, reminders on meetings, or things that are not in the usual schedule. We even have reminded each other if we are late for lunch or a block class-no big deal!

It has never been another teacher to have the professional or legal power to made a judgement call on another teacher and report her unfounded feelings of another teacher's mental capabilities/get the ball rolling on the whole thing.

I seriously think you need to talk to a union rep. be sure to them them that a teacher went to the principal, and how the whole thing was handled. If you don't belong to such a group, join asap. I also think you need to look into the whole way this thing was handled, it sounds like you have a case here. I also think you might need some type of medical proof that you are capable of teaching.

If your team teachers seem to be privy on all of this, I'd be tempted to drop the word that you have been in touch with your union rep and a lawyer to make sure all involved are held legally libel for their past remarks, and actions.

I also believe that they are trying to force you out. Watch your back. Don't complain about ANYTHING that might be used against you.

A few years ago, our district was strapped for money and the word was out that teachers w/o tenure might be let go. A new teacher had the gall to tell an older teacher that all older teachers should go ahead and retire so the new teachers could keep their jobs.

I hope the teacher who started all of this has to deal with the same thing when she gets older. If that teacher was "really concerned", she and your other team members would have come to YOU.

Last edited by LazyLake; 08-19-2019 at 05:39 AM..
LazyLake is offline   Reply With Quote
Kinderkr4zy's Avatar
Kinderkr4zy Kinderkr4zy is online now
 
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 1,442
Senior Member

Kinderkr4zy
 
Kinderkr4zy's Avatar
 
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 1,442
Senior Member

Old 08-19-2019, 05:23 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #7

I dont have much by way of advice but I would like to send some virtual hugs. This is BS and I am so sorry they would put you through this and try to use the nonsense guise "we just care about you. and we worry". BS! People who care come to you directly, they dont go to someones boss.
Kinderkr4zy is online now   Reply With Quote
TeacherPK6's Avatar
TeacherPK6 TeacherPK6 is offline
 
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,092
Senior Member

TeacherPK6
 
TeacherPK6's Avatar
 
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3,092
Senior Member

Old 08-19-2019, 05:34 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #8

Ugh, I'm so sorry. I agree with all the others that if they were truly concerned they should have come to you about it. I hope that this ends up passing by without any other issues, and that you're still able to have a good year and enjoy your students!
TeacherPK6 is offline   Reply With Quote
happygal's Avatar
happygal happygal is offline
 
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 3,458
Senior Member

happygal
 
happygal's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 3,458
Senior Member
Not bad
Old 08-19-2019, 05:35 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #9

I would just smile and do my job.

I would stop reading and returning emails

Time wasters b.s.

You are above this. Pray for clarity.

I am sorry, i know what betrayal and poor friendship feels like. Hang in there
happygal is offline   Reply With Quote
elmo33 elmo33 is offline
 
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 276
Full Member

elmo33
 
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 276
Full Member
Sorry
Old 08-19-2019, 05:37 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #10

I am so sorry this is happening to you- is there any way you can take a leave? And look for something else?
I think what happened with them discussing this behind your back was wrong and they could get in trouble for it- and now they are trying to cover by saying other people are saying it too....
It seems they have teamed up ...


elmo33 is offline   Reply With Quote
imatchr2's Avatar
imatchr2 imatchr2 is online now
 
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,538
Senior Member

imatchr2
 
imatchr2's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,538
Senior Member

Old 08-19-2019, 06:43 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #11

HonestLy, I think you need to contact your union. If there is no union, I would contact a lawyer. What they did is more than likely illegal.
imatchr2 is online now   Reply With Quote
iteachk2010's Avatar
iteachk2010 iteachk2010 is offline
 
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Senior Member

iteachk2010
 
iteachk2010's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Senior Member

Old 08-19-2019, 07:20 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #12

I am so sorry that this happened to you. I don't know what their intentions were, but if they truly were worried about you, they should have spoken to you directly. I will give them the benefit of the doubt and say perhaps they were concerned and didn't know how to approach it. Now they know.

In the meantime, take care of yourself. You might feel better if you visit a doctor for a complete physical to rule out things like ADD. Bloodwork could determine if some of your levels are off. If your thyroid is not working properly, that can make you forgetful. Some medications can contribute to forgetfulness. (My father-in-law became forgetful. It started out small and we didn't think anything of it. Slowly we realized that he couldn't remember our names-he was good at overcompensating. Things got worse over time. He isolated himself. He thought he was in his childhood home and that his mother and father were still alive. He would get up at 2:00AM -shave and get dressed to go to work when he had been retired for 20 years. Then he even stopped talking. They thought he had dementia. He eventually ended up in a nursing home when my mother-in-law couldn't take care of him-even with my son staying there. We questioned his medications. Long story short-once he was weaned off some of his medications (the main one was clonezepam), he returned to his normal self and was able to move back home. He was an intelligent man with a quick wit. He outlived my mother-in-law and spent the last 7 years living on his own in his house before he passed.

If you are under a lot of stress at school or in your personal life, that can make you forgetful, too. Before the school year starts, I go through the school calendar. I add dates of important events, meetings and deadlines to my Google Calendar and set reminders. I am also a list maker. I love checking off things as I accomplish them. I personally keep Post-It Notes in business. Maybe you could keep a pocket calendar or use the calendar on your phone to jot down reminders and important dates. I would also keep all emails from those colleagues and ones you send to them in a folder-don't delete them.

Forgetfulness is also relative to your situation. During the school year, I am on a schedule and have routines. During the summer, I don't always know what day of the week it is because I am not on a schedule. I learn all my students' names the first day of school, but I've taught so many years, when I see former students, I don't always remember their names or which year I taught them. When my husband went into the hospital right before school started, I taught K all day. After school, I grabbed fast food and drove to the hospital in the city to be with him. I stayed with him until 10:00 pm before heading home. During that time, I was totally exhausted and felt lucky that I even remembered my own name.

I hope that you will have a good year. Be proactive and don't be intimidated.
iteachk2010 is offline   Reply With Quote
jov's Avatar
jov jov is offline
 
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 869
Senior Member

jov
 
jov's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 869
Senior Member

Old 08-19-2019, 07:20 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #13

LazyLake is so right...

Quote:
True team members should have each others' back on reminding each other of things, whether those things are due dates, reminders on meetings, or things that are not in the usual schedule. We even have reminded each other if we are late for lunch or a block class-no big deal!
No matter how bad the school or administrator situation was, my various teams over the years have always had each other's backs. From reading PT, it's obvious that this is becoming a thing of the past. So sad. They have created an environment where it's every teacher for themselves and even worse, bullying and mean girl behavior is allowed to go on without consequences.

QueenBee, I'm so sorry this is happening to you! From everything you've written, I have the feeling this teacher was trying to get you to retire over the summer. Probably has a friend from her former school that she wants to take your job. Your principal has no spine and let's this go on.

I agree with other PPs. Only deal with these people as necessary. Use your phone's calendar and alarm apps to make sure you get everything in on time. They are looking for you to mess up. And yes, I hope you have a strong union to help you out with this.
jov is offline   Reply With Quote
NJ Teacher's Avatar
NJ Teacher NJ Teacher is online now
 
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 7,784
Senior Member

NJ Teacher
 
NJ Teacher's Avatar
 
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 7,784
Senior Member
Absolutely inappropriate...
Old 08-19-2019, 09:19 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #14

Your principal and assistant principal are out of line for acting on heresay. It they directly observed anything that was a problem with you, it was their place to pursue it with you. It is unbelievable to me that three teachers would make judgments they are not qualified to make by extrapolating from what they think they have observed or think they know. The fact that your administration bought into it and gave it credance is troubling to me.

I agree with shutting your door and doing your job. I'm sorry that you did not mention what your partner said in the meeting with the assistant principal, because to me, moving forward means honest communication, not running to administration or colluding with two other teachers to make unfounded conclusions about someone's mental or physical health. At some point, and possibly with a union representative, it might be a conversation you want to have with your administration. While I'm sure these well-meaning administrators possibly thought your colleagues meant well, they crossed a clear professional line and caused you understandable mental anguish.

I am sorry you have to work in such a toxic place, especially since you thought one of the teachers was your friend. I hope you have a great class and great parents. I also hope that when you choose to go out, you go out on your terms. Good luck to you.
NJ Teacher is online now   Reply With Quote
GreyhoundGirl's Avatar
GreyhoundGirl GreyhoundGirl is online now
 
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 19,721
Senior Member

GreyhoundGirl
 
GreyhoundGirl's Avatar
 
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 19,721
Senior Member

Old 08-19-2019, 10:54 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #15

Iím wondering if you could use this breach of HR confidentiality to score a transfer (if you wanted) to escape this hostile work environment.

Just a thought.
GreyhoundGirl is online now   Reply With Quote
Clarity Clarity is offline
 
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,840
Senior Member

Clarity
 
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,840
Senior Member
I do not understand why you met with
Old 08-19-2019, 11:24 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #16

him alone. Did you at least take notes or record the meeting? If not, I would immediately write your P an email recounting what was said. If he does not respond, he is in agreement. That is your evidence that these "teachers" violated your privacy rights. Then take it to HR, the district, or an attorney.
Clarity is offline   Reply With Quote
Peaches Pears Peaches Pears is offline
 
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,032
Senior Member

Peaches Pears
 
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,032
Senior Member

Old 08-19-2019, 11:25 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #17

I am appalled. (seems to be my reaction to a lot of things on PT lately)

I remember when you first posted.
We offered many suggestions.
Did you follow any of the suggestions?
Did you contact your union?
Did you take someone with you to the meetings?

It is really hard to be your own advocate but somehow you need to get a support group behind you as well.
Do not allow yourself to become either a target or a victim.


I am so sorry you are in this situation.
It is wrong.
Peaches Pears is offline   Reply With Quote
Emily26
 
 
Guest

Emily26
 
 
Guest
The way this went down was horrible...
Old 08-19-2019, 05:37 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #18

And you have every right to be hurt and upset. Still, if several members of your team are expressing concerns about your behavior, maybe they're on to something? Have you spoken to your doctor? It's easy to feel "fine" while others around us realize something's not right. Please take this to your doctor, just to rule out any medical issues. Anything from depression to stress to medication reactions to dementia can cause bouts of memory loss, so please be sure you're not letting your anger at what happened keep you from taking their concerns into consideration and making sure you're okay.
  Reply With Quote
Healthyandfun Healthyandfun is offline
 
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 130
Full Member

Healthyandfun
 
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 130
Full Member
I feel so bad for you!
Old 08-20-2019, 12:23 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #19

I can only imagine how you feel. Your P and AP are not good leaders. My suggestion would to be cordial to the three people who had concerns, but did not come to you first. Talk to your partner teacher only when you must. Cut out conversation with the other two. Then, do your job to the best of your ability. Work to keep track of things, make sure to turn things in on time, close your classroom door and teach. Collaborate with the partner as needed. Outside of school, do things that are fun and relaxing to bolster your spirits. Good luck!
Healthyandfun is offline   Reply With Quote
hand's Avatar
hand hand is online now
 
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,586
Senior Member

hand
 
hand's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,586
Senior Member

Old 08-20-2019, 07:13 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #20

I am so sorry that this happened to you. I agree with PPs and strongly suggest that you protect yourself and contact your union. Please do not meet alone again with anyone in administration. You need to assert your Weingarten rights. Please make sure that you tell them you are asserting your Weingarten rights if they try to meet with you again about this topic.
If not illegal, they are certainly unethical.
hand is online now   Reply With Quote

Join the conversation! Post as a guest or become a member today. New members welcome!

Reply

 

>
The VENT
Thread Tools




Sign Up Now

Sign Up FREE | ProTeacher Help | BusyBoard

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 07:03 PM.

Copyright © 2019 ProTeacher®
For individual use only. Do not copy, reproduce or transmit.
source: www.proteacher.net