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What do I do? I feel bad but I was doing my job
Old 11-21-2019, 05:12 PM
 
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So my teacher friend got called in for a meeting, she is grumpy and can be a little mean to kids and when I needed advice on how to talk to a hard headed person (I’ve told her what would work better twice but didn’t listen to me) my boss recommended that I ask the P, so I did and he calmly said that he has had reports filed about her from other people and would like me to send him an email about everything. I tried to put it off for as long as I could because she would take it as a betrayal and I didn’t want to hurt her she was my friend after all. But my P persisted about the email to the point I had no choice.

After I sent it....she did feel betrayed and she’s passive aggressive towards me and a lot of other coworkers who she knows sent emails about her, I tried to be nice and explain to her that my hands were tied I had no choice because what if a parent complained? They would know that I was in there all the time I could lose my job! But all she did was completely blew me off and started crying and saying you betrayed me when I’ve had her back all year long. I’m there for the kids I’ve seen them so stressed that they start crying. When people ask me how is she in the class I tell them she’s great she’s an awesome teacher, all I wanted to do was find a way to get through to her and it turned into a mess...I just want to quit...I feel guilty because I sent an email...she made me feel horrible...I tried to apologize and she threw it back in my face. She wouldn’t even let me try to speak. I left. At this point I’m just going to ignore her and stay away from her... I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.


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Old 11-21-2019, 07:40 PM
 
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I think the P should come in the the classroom to observe this teacher if the P feels there is a problem.

I can see you felt your hands were tired, but we all make choices. She may not understand your perspective of the problem, but I can understand why she is hurt by your actions.

Maybe space and time will heal the wounds.
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Old 11-22-2019, 05:01 AM
 
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Quote:
when I needed advice on how to talk to a hard headed person (I’ve told her what would work better twice but didn’t listen to me) my boss recommended that I ask the P, so I did and he calmly said that he has had reports filed about her from other people and would like me to send him an email about everything.
I’m curious if you are this teacher’s team leader? Do you have a position in which she reports to you? If not, I really think you set yourself up for being asked to report every thing on her. You went to your boss (charter school?) on how to deal with a “hard headed” colleague who “didn’t listen to you twice on what would work better.”

Personally, I wouldn’t work in a school where the Principal asks teachers to report on other teachers and “email him about everything.” It’s the Principal’s job to get out of their office and observe their staff’s performance- how they relate to students, colleagues, and parents in addition to how they perform as a classroom instructor. If your Principal was doing his job he’d be the one to observe her being “grumpy and a little mean to kids.” If the problems are more serious, then your Principal has an even higher obligation to perform his responsibilities. Asking teachers to report on other teachers is really unprofessional- it’s divisive and destroys relationships and morale. You’ve witnessed that first hand. It’s also interesting your colleague seems to know who else has reported her to the Principal. It sounds as if their names aren’t kept confidential. What a mess.
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Old 11-22-2019, 05:36 AM
 
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I think Zipline summed it up well and asked all the right questions. I would not have sent that email.
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Old 11-22-2019, 07:41 AM
 
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I feel similarly to the previous two posters.
I'm also unsure of a few things: are you in a position of authority/evaluation over your friend? If not, I'd have given admin's request a hard pass. Commenting on job performance is the role of administration or whoever evaluates her.
You mention teacher reports and parent complaints. I have no idea what the nature of the complaints/reports might be. What kind of reports could other teachers give on a colleague? What might the parents be complaining about? TBH I think it's highly unprofessional for admin to be discussing job performance with this teacher's colleagues and mentioning this kinda stuff. Not necessarily your fault that they mentioned it but....


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Old 11-22-2019, 05:17 PM
 
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Zipline is absolutely right! i can understand you feeling obligated to do what your principal asks. You were in a difficult position. She never should have asked you report on another teacher. Now you know what to do - or NOT to do.
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Old 11-22-2019, 09:53 PM
 
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I agree with Zipline. You were out of line sending an evaluative email if you're not her supervisor. If you are her supervisor, corrective discussions take place face to face and not through emails.

This entire scenario lacks a bit of credibility or perhaps its judgment it lacks. In any event, avoid evaluating other teachers and stay in your own lane.
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