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I hate WHEN people ask me
Old 12-06-2019, 05:03 AM
  #1

“How much weight have you lost?”

I’m not even a big fan of “You’re looking great,” “you’re getting skinny,” or any other comment along those lines from people I’m not close to.

Maybe it seems mean, but I almost cussed a woman out at church last night for this. Granted, she and I don’t have a good relationship. I’m really only nice to her because I am friends with her daughter who is a really fun woman.

We had our angel tree gift wrapping party last night for one of my small groups. I was having fun having snacks with friends and cuddling my friends 9 month old, and this woman followed me around asking me every few minutes how much weight I’d lost and how I’d lost it. I even told her I don’t talk about my weight in public and this night was about 25 kids we were doing Christmas for, not my weight loss. (Keep in mind she asks me the same questions at least once a month.) I started just walking away from her after I addressed it directly. I still got followed around.

Yes, I have lost almost 80 pounds in 13.5 months. Yes, it has been a huge change in diet. No, I don’t want to talk with you about it. I reserve those conversations for my best friend and my family. Losing weight is an emotional thing, I’ve lost approximately 28% of my starting weight. I’ve gone from being morbidly obese to being slightly over “overweight” according to my BMI. This is an emotional thing. Some days I really struggle with the way my body looks and how I am getting attention from guys for he first time in years. This is weird and uncomfortable. The word “skinny” freaks me out because skinny is a “sick word,” an eating disorder word.

I’m so glad that after the New Years I don’t think she will be part of that group again. I love her daughter. I can’t stand her. We’ve had friction for years because four years ago she said that I was mentally incapable of working and needed to be in the mental hospital due to my bipolar - when I made a comment about wishing I could find a few better stress relief tactics so I could reduce my anxiety medication. (This woman was projecting her own issues on me, I know.) This just has not worked well for us having any form of friendship because she still brings that up in social conversations. She is in denial of how bad her mental illness is and projects it onto others.



Last edited by Zephie; 12-06-2019 at 08:42 AM..
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Old 12-06-2019, 05:15 AM
  #2

I agree with you. When I have lost weight, I have never liked discussing it. I know some people love to talk about their weight loss but others don't. People should get the hint. Just ignore her or change the subject.
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Old 12-06-2019, 05:20 AM
  #3

Unfortunately she is extremely mentally ill and has no “others awareness.” There is no changing the subject and she follows you around.

I’ve actually had to have a pastor intervene before to get her to stop following me at a party.
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Old 12-06-2019, 05:28 AM
  #4

I'm sorry this happened to spoil your fun evening. Good for you for working on your health. I'm in the same process and it's not always easy. I hope you're right that she will not be in your group much longer.
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Old 12-06-2019, 07:55 AM
  #5

Quote:
I hate people who ask me “How much weight have you lost?”

I’m not even a big fan of “You’re looking great,” “you’re getting skinny,” or any other comment along those lines from people I’m not close to.
I realize the woman you describe has issues, but when you tell other people you don’t want to discuss weight loss (I assume you mean all the details you just posted here), do they stop?

I don’t mind people commenting because I think they mean well and are often looking for suggestions. You’d be amazed how many people ask me about my hiking poles. However, I’m pretty sure if I told them I don’t want to discuss my fitness plan, they’d drop it.

I’m betting all those people you hate, with the exclusion of the troubled woman, think they’re giving you a compliment. Zia, h0kie, and others posted here, “Assume good intentions.” I really do believe most people mean well.


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Old 12-06-2019, 07:56 AM
  #6

How absolutely annoying!

She's the kind of passive "mean girl" that really annoys me. She's asking so she can repeat it to someone else in a manner that implies "look how fat she was before". It's just plain mean.

I just don't discuss dieting, weight loss or gain, or anything pertaining to my weight or health with anyone except my son. I feel like it's just not their business. I am a reserved person when it comes to other people until I get to know them, and even then, I've been burned in the past.
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Old 12-06-2019, 08:03 AM
  #7

Does she respond to "Please stop talking to me about this. It's none of your business and it's boring."

I get tired of those kinds of conversations too. Did I look so terrible before I lost weight that you feel a compunction to tell me how much better I look now? Or how the clothes I'm wearing don't fit? Maybe I can't afford new clothes or a tailor. Sometimes when people comment in what they think is a positive way, I want to swear at them so mostly I smile coldly and say, "thank you" and then quickly change the subject.

Musing: why is it socially acceptable to comment on someone's weight loss but not their weight gain? Can you imagine if people started saying the same things to people who have gained weight?
"It's looks like you've gained a few pounds. You look...um...not as good. You're going to have to get some new clothes because those ones are looking a little snug. So, how did you gain the weight? Oh, you ate more and exercised less? Huh."
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I have had the
Old 12-06-2019, 08:20 AM
  #8

same problem. I had another teacher tell me I shouldn't be eating something in the teacher's room because it probably wasn't on my diet.....who does that!!!!

When people tell me I look good when I lose weight.....it makes me feel horrible because I must have looked awful 20 pounds ago~
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great article on weight loss
Old 12-06-2019, 08:21 AM
  #9

This is really good...
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/losin...ushpmg00000006
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Old 12-06-2019, 08:36 AM
  #10

Yes, most people respect it. I will frequently say, “thanks, but I’d rather not discuss my weight loss.” I’ve rarely had anyone else push the topic.

Also, I missed a word in the part you quoted in my original post. I’m going to add it now. It should have had WHEN in there, but I missed that when I reread before posting. Thanks for pointing that out.


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Old 12-06-2019, 08:39 AM
  #11

I hate that! Eat what you want around me, offer me a cookie if you have extra. I may say yes, or more likely I’ll say no, but I still like good food.

I had an aftercare kid ask me if I just didn’t eat bread anymore a few weeks ago. I told him that I like it but it doesn’t like me. He just nodded and said (all super serious), “I get it. I love milk but it doesn’t like me.”
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Annoying
Old 12-06-2019, 08:40 AM
  #12

That would be annoying for a person to follow you around commenting on your weight. I agree with Amiga, however, some people do think it is a compliment to ask about weight loss. I just lost 20 pounds and I do take it as a compliment when people notice and ask how much I've lost. If it bothers you, though, I would keep repeating that I don't want to discuss my weight with anyone.
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Old 12-06-2019, 09:07 AM
  #13

I would have eventually been tempted to answer her repeated questions with... “I ate less food. Now go away.” Her repeated questioning was in no way complimentary. It was intrusive and insensitive considering your previous answers to her questions.
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Old 12-06-2019, 09:32 AM
  #14

I would distance myself from her and not have any conversations with her. There's no telling how she perceives things. You are definitely comfortable with who you are,so you can be happy about that !
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Old 12-06-2019, 10:18 AM
  #15

Quote:
I will frequently say, “thanks, but I’d rather not discuss my weight loss.”
You’ve brought it up quite a bit on here so I’m assuming it’s different if you choose to talk about it.

It’s hard to know what is going to bother people these days. I recently lost 25 pounds and I think I would’ve been hurt/annoyed if nobody noticed . I feel like when people notice, it gives me more motivation. I realize it’s a touchy subject and people are coming from different places.
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Sometimes it is really
Old 12-06-2019, 01:03 PM
  #16

AWKWARD! I had the experience of some people coming up to me and saying something about noticing a weight loss, not a lot just between 5 & 10 lbs. but because I am petite it shows. The conversation often went, hey, you lost weight. You look great! How did you do that? Terribly awkward pause while I grasped for a way to answer, some times I deflected and sometimes was at a loss and just stammered..Uh,, uh.. cancer.

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weight loss
Old 12-06-2019, 03:10 PM
  #17

Quote:
It’s hard to know what is going to bother people these days. I recently lost 25 pounds and I think I would’ve been hurt/annoyed if nobody noticed
I feel the same way. I had no idea it was hurtful for someone to comment on a person's weight loss. I don't know if I'd ask how they did it necessarily, so hopefully that's more the part that bothers you?

Even now, I want to tell you how proud I am of what you've accomplished (but I won't). That's my gut instinct when someone loses weight. I would hate to not acknowledge the hard work and dedication it takes.
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Old 12-06-2019, 03:11 PM
  #18

I can see both sides of this issue -

On the one hand, I like to assume good intentions of most people and when people make a generic "you look great" comment, I know they are trying to be kind.

On the other hand, I understand that making comments about one's weight can be problematic.
*Many people have strong emotional feelings about their weight.
*What if someone has lost weight because they're sick? (My BFF has spent years fighting a chronic illness and because of it, has a very restrictive diet. Yes, she's lost a lot of weight, but I bet she'd trade the weight loss to be healthy again)
*What if someone is fighting an eating disorder? (Another close friend of mine has mostly succeeded in fighting her Anorexia, but she is definitely uncomfortable with comments about her weight)
*Most of the time weight comments are directed at women; men don't have the same societal expectations.
*Sometimes even when someone has lost weight on purpose and gets a compliment, it's natural to wonder if people think they look "good" with the weight loss and "bad" with the weight gain. (Ex: I fluctuate ~20lbs. Do I want attention when I've lost? Yes and no; I definitely don't want attention when I've gained)

Zephie, I understand how it's easier to post here somewhat anonymously about your weight while still wanting to protect your privacy. Also, that woman from your church sounds like a narcissist.
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