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Boyfriend's habit
Old 12-06-2019, 01:56 PM
  #1

My 27 year old boyfriend (I mention his age because I think he's old enough to know better) sometimes puts his arm across my shoulders as we're walking along. I have no problem with that, but then he'll reach over my shoulder and hold on to my breast as we're walking. This might sound physically difficult, but it's not because he's 6 or 7 inches taller than me. I've told him it makes me uncomfortable because people can see. His response is usually that no one is paying attention, or if we're walking by a busy road, he'll say the drivers are so focused on driving, they don't look out the window and see us. So I'll reach up and try to hold his hand while pulling it away from my breast, and he usually tries to wriggle his hand out of mine so he can grab me again. Why would he do that? Am I crazy to think that's inappropriate in public?


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boy friend
Old 12-06-2019, 03:02 PM
  #2

If you have clearly asked him to stop and he insist on continuing doing it I'd say he has a control problem. How long have you known him? Why would a man who cares about you continue to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable?

You are no hormone freaky teenagers.
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Old 12-06-2019, 03:09 PM
  #3

I agree that you told him it makes you uncomfortable so it should stop. Period.

I agree with you that it is inappropriate in public, but you shouldn't need anyone's affirmation if YOU are uncomfortable that's all the matters. Your feelings matter and nobody should be making you question that.

To me this is a huge red flag and breakup material.

Last edited by MKat; 12-06-2019 at 06:12 PM..
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BF habit
Old 12-06-2019, 03:12 PM
  #4

It’s inappropriate for starters. But, because you asked him to stop and he didn’t, that makes it far worse. Tell him again. If he doesn’t stop, walk away girl. To me, it sounds like he doesn’t respect women.
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Boyfriend's behavior
Old 12-06-2019, 03:14 PM
  #5

I agree with PPs. His actions show that he is a control freak, and he does not respect either your body or or your feelings. Huge red flag, for sure!


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Old 12-06-2019, 05:01 PM
  #6

If youíre uncomfortable with his behavior and he continues thatís not cool. A lack of his respect in public is a huge red flag. Head for the door.
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Old 12-06-2019, 05:03 PM
  #7

Not. Cool. You asked him more than once to stop, and he’s made the choice not to. He’s rationalizing his actions to diminish your feelings. Land an elbow in the gut
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Old 12-06-2019, 05:12 PM
  #8

Thank you for your thoughts. I've been with him for about six months, and this isn't the only controlling thing he's done. One of the times I asked him to stop, he told me I was boring. I don't want to have to break up with him, but I'm getting really concerned.
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Old 12-06-2019, 05:31 PM
  #9

I think this should be your EX- boyfriend's habit.
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Old 12-06-2019, 06:07 PM
  #10

It's not ok for him to treat you like that. He is not respecting you at all. I agree he should be your ex.


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Old 12-06-2019, 06:43 PM
  #11

I think that behaviour is weird in the first place, and more troubling since youíre telling him to stop and heís not.
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Old 12-06-2019, 07:06 PM
  #12

Huge red flag. First, it's very inappropriate. Second, you told him not to, and he continues. For me this would be a deal breaker.
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Old 12-06-2019, 07:28 PM
  #13

Any guy that does not respect your wishes, especially with respect to your own body, should not be your boyfriend. Period. It doesn't matter what he thinks. It matters what you think. I would not keep dating him. Think how he will be if you are living together or married. He will not suddenly respect your wishes, he will be worse. Big red flag!
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Old 12-06-2019, 07:43 PM
  #14

Thanks for your thoughts. I've been with him for six months. Sometimes when I ask him to stop, he tells me I'm boring. There have been a couple of other things he's done that are controlling. I was hoping this would get better, but I'm not feeling very hopeful.
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Yes. It is controlling behavior designed
Old 12-06-2019, 08:53 PM
  #15

to groom you to accept his will over your own. It will escalate.

If he does not respect your wishes in public, what makes you think he will respect them in private?

Lose him. Immediately. Do not even think of accepting the flowers he will send because he is SO sorry and will never do it again.

Run fast and far or I promise you will live to regret it. Can you think of ONE thing that YOU would continue to do after someone explicitly asked you not to, particularly when it involved touching a body part in public?

He already failed to show you the respect you deserve. Any 12-year-old would know better. Remember the Kindergarten rules - keep your hands and feet to yourself.
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Old 12-07-2019, 03:11 AM
  #16

I don't think he is a control freak. I do think he is self-absorbed and just cares about himself and what he wants.
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Old 12-07-2019, 03:32 AM
  #17

HUGE red flag!!! I agree with what others said. Break up with him NOW and do NOT take him back when he promises to change. This is how abusive relationships start. RUN!!
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Old 12-07-2019, 04:58 AM
  #18

“A woman who knows her value will only put up with a man’s nonsense so long.”

You are overdue with that one. Disgusting he ever did that, but the very first time you told him it made you uncomfortable, he should have apologized to you and stopped. Continuing to brush off your feelings means you are nothing more than an object to him. Kick that jerk to the curb! There are good men out there who will respect you and treat you right! Don’t waste your time on that one.
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Old 12-07-2019, 06:15 AM
  #19

And just WHY wouldn't you want to break up with a guy like that?! There's no reason for him to do this just like there's no reason for you to stay with him. He's not respecting you at all. He's treating you like you're his property to do as he pleases. You said yourself that, "he's old enough to know better", well YOU should be old enough to know that this isn't right behavior and no man should treat his woman in this manner, so if you want to stay with some immature a-hole, don't complain later when he gradually does more irritating, horrendous things.

Please don't stay with him because...

You think you're getting up in age and "may not have another boyfriend in a long time and want to get married soon."

Believe me, you don't want a lifetime with this guy if he's already acting like this a measly 6 mos into the relationship!

"He's a great guy otherwise, it's just these "little" things he does."

Yeah well, those are legit reasons to break up. He's an a-hole and if you put up with this, it sends a strong message that you're another one of those weak ninnies who'll stay in there and put up with other things.

"Oh it's all in playful fun!"

No, it's NOT, period. He knows you don't like it, so he might as well say to you, "Shut the f up and you better just go along with it." Is that the kind of man you want?!

I could list more reasons, but not going to spend too much time typing more.
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Agree with everyone so far.
Old 12-07-2019, 06:17 AM
  #20

But the fact that he is chastising you for being "boring" because you won't let him publicly assault you is freaky. Men who find themselves in "boring" relationships use that as an excuse to prowl around elsewhere. Please do yourself a favor. Six months is not a long time. It is a lesson you learned and can now put aside.
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I usually don't pile on
Old 12-07-2019, 08:19 AM
  #21

when the consensus is so obvious, but I have to agree with everyone else: the only proper response to "I don't like it when you touch me on my breast in public" is "I'm sorry. I won't do it again."

And the proper response to his continual disrespect of your wishes is to walk away. Fast. Now. And no second chances. (And I would look up the laws on how to get a restraining order. He sounds like a guy who won't take no for an answer.)
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Old 12-07-2019, 09:01 AM
  #22

It reminds me of when an adult is abusing or degrading a child in a store. If they do that in public- what are they capable of when no one is watching.

Itís not his opinions or feelings that matter with this. It is how he is making you feel. We do not make people we love uncomfortable or refuse to stop something they donít like.

Run far and fast. Better to be single and boring than in a potentially dangerous situation.
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Please
Old 12-07-2019, 10:17 AM
  #23

Do not tolerate this. It is very disrespectful of him not to honor your feelings and its weird anyway. You're BORING because you don't want to walk around in public with him feeling you up? Ummm okay buddy. Go be an exhibitionist somewhere else.

He has issues. Get away from him.
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Old 12-07-2019, 04:24 PM
  #24

He derives pleasure from publicly humiliating/degrading you.

Misogynists are not suitable partner material. Recognize the signs.
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Hmmm
Old 12-07-2019, 08:01 PM
  #25

He does it for fun. You are not crazy to think it is inappropriate, because it is. We teach people how we want to be treated.

I would not like that anywhere. I would end up elbowing the guy and yelling or chewing him out. And he is wrong, people Do look around and notice stuff.
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