I've come to the realization that I will never be able to have kids. The first time I ever went to the ob, it hurt, but I made it through. The second and third time, because I wasn't sexual active and have no history of anything, my midwife decided not to do anything. The fourth time, she had to stop the exam because it hurt so badly. I've since moved about 3 hours away. Went in for an annual exam today and I felt like an idiot. Again, the new provider had to stop. It just hurt too badly. She made me feel like an idiot. I was trying to brave it out but she appeared to getting frustrated and said "forget it Come back next year and we'll try again." Honestly, it hurt so badly. Not pressure, but like a stabbing pain. I kept telling her and she just told me to relax. I tried but it's hard with the pain. It hurt badly, and that was just speculum-no fingers, no pap, nothing, and it was the smallest speculum they had.
I'm not planning on ever returning to this midwife. She was awful to me. Very condescending, made me feel like an idiot for asking questions and being nervous. She was very aggressive, too-even the self breast exam hurt because she was rubbing so hard-I've had those every year and never had a problem, plus I do my own monthly. Even though I know I need to get a new doctor, the thought of going back to anyone frightens me majorly. It hurt, badly. In fact, 12+ hours later, I can still feel it a little. It's not painful anymore, but I still feel something-. And again, that's the just speculum which she could even complete.
I don't know how I will ever be able to go to the ob again, make babies,or have babies. I guess I will be single the rest of my life with the only hope of single parent adoption. The thought of anything down there anymore scares me.
Please go back to a gyn-ob there is someone out there who will be able to exam you. I had the same problem with my Cancer gyn-ob fortunately it turned out not to be a problem because I ended up with a D&C and he was able to examine me under anesthsia [sp]. My regular gyn-ob is less painful. I say its because I have cobwebs because it has been many years since I had any type of relationship. Don't stop yourself from living, ask friends, families who they would recommend. Even neighbors. I am sorry but that female was a b***h.
ETA: I'm still so angry for you. The way you were treated was unconscionable and the level of ignorance among women's health professionals is deplorable. Please know that you do not have to suffer like that again. You can find a compassionate professional who understands your pain.
Oh yes, this was my story years ago. I remember the first dr didn't believe that I was a 22 year old virgin. She was nice but it was an awful experience.
Then when I was married I had a great dr who was so quick and gentle and painless!
When I found out I was pregnant I was terrified. I tensed up when they did the first exam and it hurt so badly. But they don't really check you when you're pregnant and when they do it's usually a finger or two.
You're not alone. My dr who delivered my baby (c section) found a different way to do a pelvic exam: laying on my side and it's so much more comfortable!
Find a dr who will be patient and compassionate. Be straight up with them before the exam and tell them you are sensitive to cervical exams. (This helped me a ton) also this sounds weird but I found that male drs are way more gentle and careful. I had an older male dr who was so quick I had no time to tense up!
Also, through counseling I realized that I tensed up down there due to am unwanted sexual experience I had with a boyfriend when I was on college. Knowing that helped me a lot.
Try a pelvic floor physiotherapist. A good one can help you understand and get better. There are also books on this subject that you can read in the privacy of your home. You don't have to live without sex or pregnancy. A vaginal exam is never going to be a fun time but it shouldn't involve pain.
There are physical therapists who specialize in "women's health" at the phd level. Many OB/GYN docs aren't familiar with all the wonderful things these therapists can do. These folks are trained in pelvic floor therapies and other female specific disorders. There is a good chance that your issue can improve with therapy.
Please don't get discouraged because of the pain. I suffer from pelvic floor disorder. Intercourse was very painful for me. I've had surgery to correct it (didn't work), was told it was "all in my head" (obviously not), was told it was "temporary", etc. Finally I met a gyno that was amazing and knew it was not "in my head".
She recommened women's physical therapy for me and it helped so much. Not just with the intercourse problem. My posture is better. I used to suffer from UTIs. Now I don't (with the exception of 3 I had right after having DD, but that's a different story).
I went on to have 2 children. My first was a micro-preemie at 18.5 weeks who I delivered vaginally. My second was a c-section. My point being there is hope. You need to find a gyno that will listen. Please google "vaginismus" (which is what I have/had).
Intercourse is no longer painful for me. It was too the point where my husband and I could never complete it, so it was absolutely amazing that we got pregnant 2 two times.
With my therapy, they also taught me how to relax which was part of the problem. I would tense up because I knew I would experience pain. I learned proper breathing techniques, which helped a ton. I also had to use vaginal dialators. Please don't give up. I hope for the best for you.
pregnancy does not feel like a vaginal exam...it doesn't really feel like anything
My friend was very sensitive to exams. She has them use the speculum for teenagers. Can you get recommendations from co-workers? Then call the offices and see if you can have a meeting with the doctors?? Usually you can get a feel of their demeanor with one meeting.
I hate the exams, they are painful to me as well, but in just a few minutes they're over.
Can I ask why you are seeing a midwife? I just looked up midwife to confirm the definition and role of a midwife is what I thought it was.
I think you should see a gynecologist. Explain to the doctor before the exam what you have encountered. Ask about the pelvic floor physical therapy that others have mentioned.
Please don't give up. As you can see, this problem is more widely experienced than you thought! I had issues, too.
While in college, I had to have an exam and got funny looks for being a virgin, as PP did. I actually had a hymen band which had to be removed surgically. That didn't end the issue and had to talk to the dr after marriage, but was okay later. I have 2 grown children.
Don't give up!
Last edited by multigrade; 06-12-2014 at 02:50 PM..
Reason: clarity
I was first examined by a woman and she hurt me! Then I saw a male ob/gyn, and he was fabulous! Later, had to see the woman in the practice and REALLY hated her because she was so rough! She ended up delivering my first baby - and it was horrible! When she was the one on call for my second baby, I threatened her if she hurt me. Finally, my regular ob/gyn delivered the third.
My advice is see a man. Because they don't have the same parts, they are more gentle. Women seem to think that everything they feel is the way other women feel it too.
1) Find an OB/GYN. Call around or ask around about one who specializes in your issue. Trust me, they're out there, and most deal with fertility issues of ALL kinds, including your issue. A good place to start is with your insurance provider.
2) I agree with finding a male doctor. I know that this sounds counter intuitive, and the OB who delivered my DD was a female, but she is a rare breed. All other female docs were horrible towards me. My new OB/GYN is wonderful- I had to start seeing him when my issues became too complicated for my regular OB/GYN
I have had several ob-gyns and have a doctor that I love now. I had a doctor that I loved but she is located 50 miles away from me now. Someone recommended a female gyno to me that she loved and I HATED her. I found that she wasn't interested in my questions and wanted to get everything over with quickly. I actually lifted my head off the table at one point and she yelled at me. She was incredibly rude. I asked my GP for a recommendation and he gave me the name of my current doctor. He is wonderful. He seems to have all the time in the world to answer my questions. I have a family history of breast and colon cancer and he takes the time to talk to me about my concerns. I know that some women only want a female gynocologist but I feel so comfortable with my doctor - I could ask him anything. You need to find a doctor you are comfortable with and can talk to about your concerns and the pain you are experiencing, that definitely is not normal and should be addressed by a doctor. A pelvic exam is no day at the beach but it shouldn't be as painful and difficult as you described. This shouldn't keep you from becoming a mother.
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06-11-2014, 07:55 PM
I just looked up midwife to confirm the definition and role of a midwife is what I thought it was.
perhaps a glass of wine?
