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Dd wants a bra!
Old 02-18-2020, 06:09 PM
  #1

My DD is almost 10, in 4th grade. She has recently started asking for a bra, which she is NOT even close to needing! A couple of things have contributed to this:
1. According to her, all her friends wear one (because she says she can see the straps peeking from under their shirts...I doubt many of them are actually bras!)
2. A few months ago I gave her the Body book from American girl and we started talking occasionally about puberty, etc.

A few days ago I noticed she had put on her bathing suit top (tankini type top) under her shirt, because it was the closest thing she had to a ďbraĒ! I made her take it off before she went to school.

Ughh, so not ready for this! Would you let her get some undershirt type cami to appease the desire for a bra? She really is still very undeveloped and has no need for them, and honestly I donít want to encourage the desire to grow up so quick. BUT....she feels like she is the ďonlyĒ one who doesnít and I remember that feeling well (I didnít get my period until 17 and felt so left outóHA!)

What would you do/when did you let your dd get a bra (if it was before it was actually needed?)


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Old 02-18-2020, 06:15 PM
  #2

I can't remember when our DD started wearing a sports type bra but probably around then. Her little friends were beginning to need something so she wanted to wear them too.
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DD and bra
Old 02-18-2020, 06:21 PM
  #3

Maybe one of those ďbraletsĒ, basically a scrap of lace with straps. Itís possible she wonít like it once she puts it on. And I think itís ok to tell her she doesnít really need one yet, but you understand why she wants one. It may feel like giving in to peer pressure, but to me, itís a small potatoes thing. (No pun intended.)

My mom thought I needed one, bought it, and I hated it. My very smart mother just said, ďtry it for a week. If you donít like it, donít wear it.Ē I didnít like it and stopped wearing it. For about two months, then tried it again and was fine with it.
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Old 02-18-2020, 06:23 PM
  #4

My DD got some sports bras in grade 4. She had no need of one but many of her friends were wearing them. She complained that sometimes the fabric of her shirt would rub, especially in gym class, and it was uncomfortable. I decided it was better to purchase one for her when she showed interest than wait until she desperately needed it. I hated it when I first needed a bra so I was happy to go along. BTW, she did have undershirts but felt they were too babyish.
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bra
Old 02-18-2020, 06:29 PM
  #5

I'd say buy a couple. Others had good advice. I'd also suggest having sanitary supplies on hand. If not for her, possibly her young friends that might be visiting.


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Old 02-18-2020, 06:31 PM
  #6

My daughter was around 10 when she started wearing bras. She prefers sports bras or ones like these https://www.target.com/p/girls-hanes...s/-/A-52002200

At first she thought it was ďcoolĒ, but that excitement quickly fizzled when she realized that bras arenít all that fun!

I say let your daughter give one a try. She might decide she hates them or she might decide she likes feeling more covered up. Itís a tricky age for girls when theyíre trying to figure out their bodies.
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Yes
Old 02-18-2020, 06:35 PM
  #7

When I taught 4th grade, I had to call a parent and ask them to buy their daughter a bra. Our uniform shirts were white which didnít help. Many of the 4th graders were already wearing them and yes some of them didnít really need them.
A bralet or a sports bra would be perfect for her. Itís worth it to keep her from being embarrassed even if she doesnít really need it.
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Old 02-18-2020, 06:36 PM
  #8

My 1st-grade granddaughter just got one! She is tall for her age and definitely not developed, but just feels more comfortable with one under her shirt. It is basically one of those bralette type things, and reminds me of a shorter version of the undershirts I used to wear as a child. I teach 4th grade and most girls wear something - needed or not.
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Old 02-18-2020, 06:46 PM
  #9

I remember getting my first bras in 4th grade. One was a "sports bra" that was basically just like a little tank top and another "nicer" one that was also mostly just a scrap of fabric . I don't remember really needing it (I guess I wouldn't have known either way) but I sure did feel special and grown up wearing it. I remember my mom telling me they were for "special occasions" and I insisted on wearing one every day, which is a battle she quickly quit fighting.

Not a parent, but in my non expert opinion I don't think 4th grade is too young at all. I would tell her you'll shop for some and that you both have to agree on what's purchased (so you can look for more "not too adult" ones). I wouldn't harp on the idea that she doesn't "need" one. Girls are very self-conscious about that type of stuff and you don't want to inadvertently make her feel badly about her body.
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As the mother of five daughters
Old 02-18-2020, 07:00 PM
  #10

I think my daughters starting wearing bras about that age. I was in fifth grade and had breast buds that were starting to stick out and asked my Mom for a bra and she laughed at me, and it was sort of humiliating. It was also embarrassing at school, and I think the school nurse had a little talk with me, although she should have had a talk with my mom.

So, my girls got sports bras starting at about 4th grade, before they started developing, but in line with what their peers were doing at the same age. I'd say if she's asking for them, it woudn't hurt to have a mom/daughter date and go out and pick two or three different styles that you're both comfortable with.

Also, with each of my girls, I gave them a pretty gift bag when they started their periods. The bag had sanitary supplies, a new pack of underwear, some hair accessories, and some sort of treat.


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Old 02-18-2020, 07:01 PM
  #11

I think a sports bra would be the perfect answer. I get not being ready for her to grow up, but if a sports bra makes her feel better then I would do it. You don't want her being picked on. That being said I don't think it's a run out and get immediately. Sometime in the next month.
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Old 02-18-2020, 07:08 PM
  #12

I'd go shopping and get a few different things - a cami or two (that's what my dd started wearing at about that age), a sports bra, and a training bra or bralette. It's hard to see your baby as growing up, but if it makes her feel more confident then it's worth it. For a lot of girls that dance or do gymnastics or cheer, a sports bra is just a normal part of their wardrobe.
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Old 02-18-2020, 07:10 PM
  #13

Go shopping now, before she needs it. Itís easier to get used to one before it is needed.

I needed a real bra in fourth grade. (I was 9 and got my period and needed an A cup bra.) Iíd have liked the ability to get used to one before I had to wear one every stinking day.
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Old 02-18-2020, 07:13 PM
  #14

I'd get her some sports bras and/or bralettes. Who cares if she needs them? It's such a little thing to make her feel comfortable.
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Old 02-18-2020, 07:17 PM
  #15

Also, I taught 4th grade for many years, and it's better to get one too soon rather than too late. There were a few girls who really needed some coverage but that's a very awkward conversation with a parent!
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Old 02-18-2020, 07:17 PM
  #16

I would get her one! I teach 4th, as well, and agree that many of the girls have something, needed or not. I also remember when I first got one, it took a lot of time to get used to wearing one. Many days I'd forget to put it on, or wasn't comfortable, or whatever. This might ease her into it.
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Old 02-18-2020, 07:42 PM
  #17

Whew....lots to consider! You guys make me feel better about getting her one now, I was thinking it was unnecessary but hated that she was feeling left out, so to speak. I guess itís pretty common for this age after all. We will plan a shopping trip in the next few weeks and pick out something simple that she likes.

Thank you all! So glad to have the input of you all who have experience as parents and teachers of this age!
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Old 02-18-2020, 10:17 PM
  #18

Better to wear one and not need it than need one and not wear it. she will eventually need it, and if you get her a sports bra or bra-let, then she'll be kind of used to it already.
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Old 02-19-2020, 03:59 AM
  #19

I asked for one in 4th grade too- I remember it was a little sports bra. But I also went to Catholic school where I had to wear a white blouse. Iíd get her one to just cover the nipples- Iíve definitely noticed some of my students probably need one just for that reason. Good luck mom!
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Old 02-19-2020, 06:25 AM
  #20

Funny story...
At the same age, DD did not need one. But, she asked for one, and my intention was to bring her to Target and get one. However, before we got around to it, MIL came over one day and had a bag full of bras that she bought at a garage sale. She gave them to DD by pulling them out of the bag in front of DH and FIL.

Needless to say, DD was horrified. I couldnít figure out if it was horrifying or hysterical that she had so little tact. DH was horrified and FIL was clueless.

After that, it took DD months before she wanted to go bra shopping with me.

Go get them before someone else does!
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Old 02-19-2020, 07:21 AM
  #21

but when I taught 3rd gr., there were some years when the girls began to show up with little bras. No one needed them but I always assumed it was a peer thing. My guess is your DD is in one of those groups and it's no different than when everyone "has" to have a certain kind of purse or pair of shoes.
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Just a Thought...
Old 02-19-2020, 10:47 AM
  #22

I remember when I was that age...fighting to not have to wear a bra...actually, I would still love to be fighting the need for one...no such luck!!

Perhaps your daughter has rubbing on her nipples. I remember that hurting a lot long before I began to develop. The rubbing was so bad, my nipples got raw.

I would check to make sure this isn't one of the reasons you daughter wants a bra.
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Old 02-19-2020, 12:42 PM
  #23

My daughter is also in 4th grade and nowhere needing a bra yet. She has mentioned a few girls have them. If she asked me, I would get her a few to try. If she doesn't like them, she can wait to wear it.
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Old 02-19-2020, 01:48 PM
  #24

I teach third and have students who wear them and need them. I have had to have conversations with families about it before.

By fourth grade the majority of kids wear one. Normally they are wearing a cami type bra though some actually do need the support of a real bra at that age.
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I teach 4th and
Old 02-19-2020, 04:45 PM
  #25

Several of my underdeveloped girls wear little bralettes. Youíre the mom of course but lots of girls want to be like the others so they buy whatís ďinĒ.

I donít have a daughter so Iím not quite sure what I would do. What does her dad say?
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I am glad you decided to let her
Old 02-20-2020, 06:18 AM
  #26

She may not show any need but may feel a need. Not just to be included either. It is possible too that her breast or nipples may be getting more sensitive and she is "feeling" that but unable to put it into words.

A bralette or sports tank will do the job for now. Plus, I am in the group that thinks it is never too early to start those conversations. A gentle talk now leaves the line of communication open for bigger talks later.
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