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I need support
Old 03-01-2022, 12:25 PM
  #1

It's my dd 23 again this time! I'm still dealing with all the stuff with my dh but that has to sit on the back burner for now.
My dd is depressed and anxious. She is crying all the time. She doesn't even know why she's crying. She has a therapist who she likes. The therapist gave her the name of a psych to give her meds. But that appt wasn't until next week. I told her to call zocdoc which she did. She spoke to someone earlier today and was prescribed lexapro (thank gd) But she's still inconsolabe.. I mean crying, can't say why, feels like ####, can't eat. You name it. She says she goes to work and no one knows she's depressed because she puts on a fake face and attitude. But then she calls me and is hysterical. I'm at the end of my supportive rope. I feel like I'm going to lose it. I don't know what to do for her. I can't take all this with her and my dh. I feel like I'm going crazy. The dr told her she may not feel good for the first week and it may take up to a month for it to work. How is she going to go on for a month like this? Please give me some words of wisdom. I'm going crazy and my heart is pounding.


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Old 03-01-2022, 12:37 PM
  #2

I have no words of wisdom, just great sympathy for all you are dealing with.
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Old 03-01-2022, 12:39 PM
  #3

So sorry that you are dealing with so much. No advice but sending good thoughts and ((hugs)).
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Old 03-01-2022, 12:51 PM
  #4

This is just my experience but if medication makes her feel bad it’s not the right one. There are a few I reacted badly to…. Like having a bad flu. If a medication works it should help within a week.

I understand totally what both of you are going through as I’ve been on both sides of it. It will get better ❤️#🩹
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Old 03-01-2022, 01:07 PM
  #5

I'm sorry for all you are going through. Has your daughter had a physical with bloodwork lately? Maybe something is off in the blood. Is she extremely worried about your husband (his health)?


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Old 03-01-2022, 01:17 PM
  #6

Really sorry your DD is going through such a sad and difficult time. It must be so hard to see your child hurting so much. I don't know a lot about the medications which is why a psychiatrist needs to prescribe them.

Medication needs to be absorbed so it wont' work instantly after being taken. I'm sure you know that. Some medication, sounds like this one, needs to build up in the body. Hence the month. So your DD needs to take it for awhile to give it a chance. It would be helpful to keep a log so the data can be shared with her psychiatrist. If the medication is not working, there are others that can be tried. I'd encourage her to keep the appointment next week. Go with her, if you can, so you can ask some questions. Write down your questions beforehand - I would ask a ton of questions. Ask about lexapro - is this what s/he would have prescribed?

In the meantime, her therapist should be able to suggest some self soothing things she can do. Is there anything that she likes to do? Anything that can distract her mind? And if things just get so so bad, take her to the ER. Your DD is lucky to have you. Please try to do some self care so you can keep supporting your daughter.

P.S. Can she take time off from her work for medical reasons?
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Old 03-01-2022, 01:18 PM
  #7

No clue, just sending hugs.
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Old 03-01-2022, 01:48 PM
  #8

Life is so stressful anyway with what is in the news and personal issues just compounds it. I so hope that a medicine or coping skill is found that helps her. Is she sleeping? I know that when I battle insomnia and when I’ve had a bad night I have to tell myself to get through the day and a good sleep will help. I wonder if they can give something for her to sleep. I know someone who takes amnitriptoline and it helps them sleep. I think it’s an antidepressant also. Vent away…I hope it helps you as well.
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Old 03-01-2022, 02:18 PM
  #9

No advice, just sending you virtual hugs.
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Old 03-01-2022, 03:13 PM
  #10

I've heard that psych meds can take weeks to take effect and then they may need titration and increased. One site about Lexapro says, "It may take 1 to 2 weeks to feel a benefit from this drug and 4 weeks to feel the full benefit of this medication. Tell your doctor if your condition does not improve or if it worsens." Dealing with the titration is really up to your daughter.

Have you considered seeing a therapist for medication and counseling for YOU? At this time you deserve as much support as possible. You have so much to deal with right now. I'm so sorry the load is heavy.


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Old 03-01-2022, 04:17 PM
  #11

I'm sorry your daughter is front and center again. Your husband deserves your energy right now and understandably there's a limited amount of that. Your daughter is getting medical help. She gets through the work day without being hysterical just fine. You've been the recipient of her hysteria for years. Tell her you need a break from that because you are helping your husband who has his own medical crisis. He is your first priority. She can unload on her therapist for a time.

You need to find a good counselor for yourself to help you through your husband's medical crisis and to help you find boundaries with your daughter. Wishing you all well.
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Old 03-01-2022, 04:22 PM
  #12

I'm sorry you (and she) are going through this. It's really tough. She's letting her real emotions show through for you because it's a "safe" space, but that means you are getting the brunt of it. I don't know what to tell you, but I will say that I have been through something similar with my own 21yo. In our case, it helped to make a schedule for sleep and eating. Activating some progress towards change was really helpful (but meds kicking in was the most helpful).
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Old 03-01-2022, 04:42 PM
  #13

I'm sorry you're going through so much right now. It is quite normal for antidepressants to take a while to kick in so I don't know what to tell you for the short term. If it were me, I'd try not to withdraw my support for a couple of weeks yet, to give the meds time to begin working. Also (not to scare the bejeebers out of you) there can be suicidal ideation for a short time when young people first start an antidepressant. When the meds start to kick in, I'd establish some boundaries and try to get her to rely on her therapist.

But you know what your breaking point is and it sounds like this is what you're worried about. I agree with everyone who has said that you should find a counselor for yourself. You're carrying a very heavy burden and you shouldn't have to do it by yourself.
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Old 03-01-2022, 04:59 PM
  #14

When I went through a period of severe depression and was much like your daughter. I would be able to hold it together at work, but as soon as I got home the crying would start with no identifiable reason. Also, it may take a few tries to find the right medication. I went through several before finding the one that worked long term

One thing that helped me get through it writing in a journal. It was a way to just let all the negative thoughts out, even though cognitively I knew most of the things I was perceiving about myself and the way I felt the people around me were perceiving me were false, emotionally I just needed to get those thoughts out and putting them on paper helped.
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Old 03-01-2022, 05:10 PM
  #15

Your plate isn’t just full, it’s overflowing. You’ve gotten good advice and strategies from your friends here.

One thing that might help, and it will be hard to do. I know because I went through several years of this with one of my DDs. Every now and then I had to say “I hear you and I know you’re having a really tough time. But, at this very moment, so am I. Can we change the subject or finish this conversation tomorrow?” I always followed through with a call the next day.

Our kids use us as sounding boards and safe havens…..but as adults they also need to understand we, too, can have a bad day.

Hoping her meds kick in soon enough and that your husband gets some relief.
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Old 03-01-2022, 06:00 PM
  #16

No advice to give, just lots of virtual hugs.
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Old 03-01-2022, 06:16 PM
  #17

So sorry you're going through this. Hope she gets relief quickly.
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Old 03-01-2022, 06:31 PM
  #18

DD is on a good med. It can take a month to fully kick in. Like others have mentioned, try to establish your own boundaries because you need them so much right now. When a parent steps back, the young adult will try to rely on themselves. Hugs.
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Old 03-01-2022, 08:04 PM
  #19

sorry, i'm not aware of her entire past....

--yes, it will take a couple weeks for meds to kick in--at first, the side effects can be icky

--not all meds work for everyone--she may need to try a few before she finds one that works for her--this can take a long time

--there is a test she can take that will determine what chemicals she is low in and will help figure out the best meds (or a selection of them)---that came around long after i had to experiment, so haven't had it done

ask her what she needs. (are you near her?)

one time my mom came over and just kicked my butt around the house, making me do some housework and helping me. another time she drove me to a therapist when i didn't think i could do it. just let her know that you are there for her.

good luck to her and you!
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Difficult times
Old 03-01-2022, 10:23 PM
  #20

I agree with Cassyree. Your daughter reminds me of my mother who would repeatedly unload her unhappiness on me (only and always me), and then go peacefully to bed while I was left upset, frustrated, and worried. Any helpful suggestions I made were countered by “yes, but…”). I finally had to set boundaries.
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sorry you and your daughter are struggling
Old 03-01-2022, 10:33 PM
  #21

Until the meds kick in I would try these things..

exercise
time in the sunlight
journaling (about anything)
listen to uplifting music
watch funny movies
eat dark chocolate
enjoy a scented candle
color
talk to a friend or other family member
get a massage
count her blessings each day to gain a more positive attitude
establish and keep a consistent sleeping schedule

Help her to find some small joy in her day. A warm blanket to cuddle from the clothes dryer, a childhood toy, favorite meal or side dish, play a board game....

She should not drink any alcohol.

Praying both of you can get through this difficult time.
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