And She’s Still At It! - ProTeacher Community




Home Join Now Search My Favorites
Help


      The VENT

And She’s Still At It!

>

 
 
Thread Tools
Angelo Angelo is offline
 
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,348
Senior Member

Angelo
 
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,348
Senior Member
And She’s Still At It!
Old 03-26-2022, 07:40 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #1

I’ve posted before about a relative of mine who described herself as a “helicopter mom and proud of it” and “warrior mama bear” and so on and used to blather on FB about how terribly she felt her son with a learning disability was treated at school. All the teachers (or it certainly seemed that way) were awful, unfeeling, incompetent, etc. The schools were run by idiots who enforced policies that made no sense. And on and on. And she had a little echo chamber of women in her circle who appeared to like and cheer on everything she wrote.

When Junior went off to college, she ranted about how the professors and the dean wouldn’t talk to her because her son was an adult. She went on about how “It’s great that they think a 19 yo KID (and YES I said kid) is mature enough to handle his own affairs, and I wish that were the case too, but I know my son, and he’s not there yet. Maybe these profs need to read more about the frontal lobe of the brain and that it’s not fully-formed in boys until their mid-20s. If I left everything up to Junior, he’d just accept whatever arbitrary grade they gave him and never schedule appointments to discuss improvement strategies. Sorry, Fiddlesticks University, but this warrior mama isn’t going away!”

She went quiet for a while. Then this week, she posted a rant about how she tried to attend the contract and salary negotiation for Junior’s first full-time job (ironically at the college he graduated from) and was turned away. She’s making noises about suing the college if Junior doesn’t get the salary and benefits she thinks he deserves because “They are taking advantage of his youth and inexperience. My son has anxiety issues and would find it difficult to speak up if they treated him unfairly.” She posted a link to an article about a mother who attended all classes and took notes for her quadriplegic son. Then she commented how it’s sad that mother gets called a saint while mothers who step in for kids with anxiety and learning disabilities are labeled “helicopters” or “Karens.”

Honestly… I think she’s the one who needs therapy, not her ADULT son.


Angelo is offline  

DSLBUG's Avatar
DSLBUG DSLBUG is offline
 
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,314
Senior Member

DSLBUG
 
DSLBUG's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,314
Senior Member
Unbelievable!
Old 03-26-2022, 08:37 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #2

I always look forward to your posts. This is one is over the top!!!
DSLBUG is offline  
twinmom95's Avatar
twinmom95 twinmom95 is offline
 
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 7,974
Senior Member

twinmom95
 
twinmom95's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 7,974
Senior Member

Old 03-26-2022, 09:20 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #3

And how much of his anxiety has actually been caused by or exacerbated by her over the top expectations and/ or actions? What a piece of work! What is WRONG with some people???
twinmom95 is offline  
Haley23 Haley23 is offline
 
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 11,047
Senior Member

Haley23
 
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 11,047
Senior Member

Old 03-26-2022, 09:22 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #4

I think it's a miracle the kid graduated from college and actually got a job in the first place, given that background! It's a wonder he can do anything independently!
Haley23 is offline  
jazzer jazzer is online now
 
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 6,767
Senior Member

jazzer
 
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 6,767
Senior Member

Old 03-26-2022, 09:28 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #5

Unbelievable. She can not compare a situation where a mom helps her quadriplegic son with her and her son who probably does not have a disability like that.

It is ok to help people do what they truly physically or mentally cannot do for themselves, but not for someone who more than likely can if given the chance or forced to do it.


jazzer is online now  
Keltikmom's Avatar
Keltikmom Keltikmom is offline
 
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 13,835
Senior Member

Keltikmom
 
Keltikmom's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 13,835
Senior Member
Mama bear
Old 03-26-2022, 11:21 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #6

Does she not realize she has been telling her son, all his life, “you are too stupid to take care of yourself?”??????
Keltikmom is offline  
dutchgirl's Avatar
dutchgirl dutchgirl is offline
 
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 5,340
Senior Member

dutchgirl
 
dutchgirl's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 5,340
Senior Member

Old 03-26-2022, 11:25 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #7

Oh geez,

What she's taught him is that he is not capable of living without his mom's help. How sad.
dutchgirl is offline  
123rabbit's Avatar
123rabbit 123rabbit is offline
 
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,744
Senior Member

123rabbit
 
123rabbit's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,744
Senior Member
Wow
Old 03-26-2022, 11:33 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #8

Takes all kinds. Hope the son enjoys his job. Does the son still live at home?
123rabbit is offline  
Ima Teacher's Avatar
Ima Teacher Ima Teacher is online now
 
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 31,996
Senior Member

Ima Teacher
 
Ima Teacher's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 31,996
Senior Member

Old 03-26-2022, 01:15 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #9

Sounds like my EX-MIL. She went to the factory where EX worked to tell them they needed to keep him on the same line all the time because changing it stressed him out too much. He ended up quitting because everybody picked on him.
Ima Teacher is online now  
Summerwillcom's Avatar
Summerwillcom Summerwillcom is offline
 
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 3,480
Senior Member

Summerwillcom
 
Summerwillcom's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 3,480
Senior Member
The community I last taught in.....
Old 03-26-2022, 01:56 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #10

had a bunch of moms who prided themselves in being "mamma bears."
Even 1 of my friends, who I love dearly, used to say it sometimes.
I was careful the way I spoke to her about it for years, but she did get the point that it was doing her kid a disservice and changed her ways!
The sad part is I have seen so many smart, talented, capable kids, grow up and get nowhere in life b/c of the way they were raised.
Sometimes their parents "help them" through college, but the kid can't get or keep a decent job b/c they are not able to problem solve or deal with adversity.


Summerwillcom is offline  
Renea's Avatar
Renea Renea is online now
 
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 13,792
Senior Member

Renea
 
Renea's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 13,792
Senior Member

Old 03-26-2022, 02:48 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #11

I'm surprised her son hasn't divorced himself of his crazy Karen mother. Many younger folks would run like crazy in embarrassment from a helicopter mom who follows him into adulthood. It seems really lacks any feelings of autonomy. Quite the dysfunctional family.
Renea is online now  
eagles23's Avatar
eagles23 eagles23 is offline
 
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,407
Senior Member

eagles23
 
eagles23's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,407
Senior Member

Old 03-26-2022, 03:42 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #12

I can't believe anyone would hire him with that baggage!
eagles23 is offline  
Gogogo Gogogo is offline
 
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 928
Senior Member

Gogogo
 
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 928
Senior Member
HEY Ima
Old 03-26-2022, 05:07 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #13

I was just thinking about what a miserable Mother-in-law she would be.
Gogogo is offline  
marguerite2 marguerite2 is online now
 
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 3,638
Senior Member

marguerite2
 
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 3,638
Senior Member

Old 03-26-2022, 05:37 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #14

Quote:
I was just thinking about what a miserable Mother-in-law she would be.
I can visualize her wanting to go on his dates, booking a room for herself at the honeymoon location to surprise them…

Her son needs a job far far away.
marguerite2 is online now  
TAOEP TAOEP is offline
 
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 3,341
Senior Member

TAOEP
 
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 3,341
Senior Member

Old 03-26-2022, 05:45 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #15

If I were her child (thanking my lucky stars that I am not), I would be seriously considering moving a couple of thousand miles away and getting a ONE-bedroom apartment.

Seriously, how does she think an employer would have any respect for a new hire who showed up with his mother to negotiate a contract and salary? And truthfully, for a first job out of school, there isn't usually much to negotiate. It generally is the employer making an offer and the potential employee accepting (or not). They might discuss the starting date, but that's about it.
TAOEP is offline  
Angelo Angelo is offline
 
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,348
Senior Member

Angelo
 
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,348
Senior Member

Old 03-26-2022, 06:27 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #16

"Takes all kinds. Hope the son enjoys his job. Does the son still live at home?"

I'm pretty sure he still lives at home. Sounds like his job is something in the Athletic department: time-keeping, equipment maintenance, that sort of thing.

"Many younger folks would run like crazy in embarrassment from a helicopter mom who follows him into adulthood."

Yeah, I've seen both types working in a private school. I've seen the kids who stare at their feet and turn red and look mortified when their mom goes full snowplow. More disturbing is the kid who either sits back politely and dispassionately as though this is completely normal or, worse, locks eyes with you and looks smug and satisfied that their mom is "settling scores with the school" on their behalf.

"And truthfully, for a first job out of school, there isn't usually much to negotiate. It generally is the employer making an offer and the potential employee accepting (or not). They might discuss the starting date, but that's about it."

RIGHT??? That was my first thought. I'm pretty sure a university compensates based on a grid that reflects seniority, experience, and education. Not much room for negotiation unless you're applying for the position of Chancellor or Provost or something like that.
Angelo is offline  
Lilbitkm's Avatar
Lilbitkm Lilbitkm is online now
 
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 4,386
Senior Member

Lilbitkm
 
Lilbitkm's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 4,386
Senior Member

Old 03-27-2022, 04:12 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #17

I’m interested to see if he still has a job after she has done this. If he does start the job, I’m sure it won’t last long.
Lilbitkm is online now  
Singvogel's Avatar
Singvogel Singvogel is online now
 
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 899
Senior Member

Singvogel
 
Singvogel's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 899
Senior Member

Old 03-27-2022, 05:41 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #18

Quote:
More disturbing is the kid who either sits back politely and dispassionately as though this is completely normal or, worse, locks eyes with you and looks smug and satisfied that their mom is "settling scores with the school" on their behalf.
Yes! We see this at the elementary school level when a student doesn't get his or her way, and then the parent (usually the mother) goes straight to the principal.

The aggravation continues when the principal thinks the situation is appropriately handled by saying, "I'll talk to the teacher." This leaves things that snookums is in the right and it pulls the rug of authority out from under the teacher. If the teacher continues with routine discipline, the child is shocked.
Singvogel is online now  
Angelo Angelo is offline
 
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,348
Senior Member

Angelo
 
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,348
Senior Member

Old 03-27-2022, 08:12 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #19

“The aggravation continues when the principal thinks the situation is appropriately handled by saying, "I'll talk to the teacher." This leaves things that snookums is in the right and it pulls the rug of authority out from under the teacher. If the teacher continues with routine discipline, the child is shocked.”

Yeah, I’ve had the “shocked” kid in high school (mainly as a school counselor) who looked at me strangely when I informed them a call or email from mom would not change the answer I had already given them.

One kid came in a week into the term and wanted to change classes because he didn’t like the teacher he’d gotten and several of his friends were in the other class. I said, no, we don’t do that. He tried to argue and plead with me for several more minutes and I politely said, no, we don’t do that. You’ll just have to deal with the situation. I then sent him off to class as the lunch period was ending. I could see that, instead of heading to class as directed, he had ducked into a corner and was madly texting on his phone.

Me: Please put the phone away and go to class. You’re about to be late.
Student: Yeah, ummm… but it’s Geography next. Period 5.
Me: Yes?
Student: Well, uh… that’s the class I’m changing. Once the change goes through.
Me: That is the class you are not changing, as I think I explained to you pretty clearly in my office. If you want to start improving your working relationship with the teacher, being on time would be a good start. Off you go.
Student: Uh… my mom wants to know if it’s possible for me to switch counselors.
Me: Switch counselors? You can request a switch next August if you think I’m not a good match.
Student: Ummmm… okay… but the thing is…
Me: Just be aware that switching counselors will have no impact on your request to switch Geography teachers. That’s a standing policy. Nobody in this department is going to do that for you.
Student: Okay, but can I at least talk to one of the other counselors?
Me: About this or something else?
Student: This.
Me: Then no.
Student: So who do I have to talk to?
Me: Talk to the teacher about making it work. The answer to your request isn’t going to change just because you talk to everyone you can think of. I told you no. Other counselors will tell you no. The Head of school will tell you no.
Student: *verge of tears* Ummmm. Okay. *Continues to stand there*
Me: Okay. Now you really need to go to class.
Student: Just a minute. I think my mom wants to talk to you.
*I hear my desk phone ringing from inside my office. I ignore it and continue to look at the student*
Me: Okay. Off you go. Class.
Student: Uh… can you answer your phone? I think that’s my mom.
Me: Whoever it is, I’ll call them back.
Student: *almost panicking* But she’s calling to talk to you about switching Geography classes. She says not to go to the class until we get it settled.
Me: And I’m going to tell her exactly the same thing I told you. The switch is not happening. Having your mother call changes nothing. Now get to class. I’ve asked you several times.

The mom called admin to complain that I stood there and let her call go to voicemail and that I didn’t even hear her out before forcing her son back to class. She said that was evidence I was being hard-nosed and not willing to listen to reason. No, I explained, it’s exactly as I told the son. We do not switch classes to accommodate teacher preference or friend groups. We simply don’t do it. It’s not a question of persevering and talking to the right people. It’s not a question of making a sufficiently reasoned or impassioned argument for an exception. It simply is not done.

Kids are shocked sometimes when a parent’s intervention doesn’t automatically yield them the outcome they want.
Angelo is offline  
FLSun FLSun is offline
 
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 379
Senior Member

FLSun
 
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 379
Senior Member
Wow!
Old 03-27-2022, 06:45 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #20

If I didn’t know Angelo’s posts already, I would insist this was just made up!
FLSun is offline  
WordFountain's Avatar
WordFountain WordFountain is offline
 
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,146
Senior Member

WordFountain
 
WordFountain's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,146
Senior Member

Old 03-29-2022, 10:32 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #21

Quote:
she tried to attend the contract and salary negotiation for Junior’s first full-time job
I audibly gasped and cringed when I got to this part of your post. I’m embarrassed for her son.
WordFountain is offline  
desert flower's Avatar
desert flower desert flower is offline
 
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 3,245
Senior Member

desert flower
 
desert flower's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 3,245
Senior Member

Old 03-29-2022, 07:42 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #22

Wow. Just. Wow.
desert flower is offline  

Join the conversation! Post as a guest or become a member today. New members welcome!

 

 

>
The VENT
Thread Tools




Sign Up Now

Sign Up FREE | ProTeacher Help | BusyBoard

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 06:13 AM.

Copyright © 2019 ProTeacher®
For individual use only. Do not copy, reproduce or transmit.
source: www.proteacher.net