I already said no, but am wondering about my decision.
Would you allow your 16 year old son to attend a co-ed sleepover? Background info: son is not always trustworthy, but is generally a good kid- on leadership at school and works for great grades. The attendees (according to my son) : 3 young women, and 4 young men, none of which were couples, and a parent present. However, due to being "embarrassing" I could not meet or contact said parent.
As a high schooler I don’t think I would have even bothered to ask my parents about this I would have been so sure they’d say no. I think they probably would have laughed.
When my sister was in high school she did go to a coed after prom sleepover. However, my parents knew the parents hosting ( one is a town official where we live), my mom talked to them ahead of time, and got a “tour” of the house the party was taking place at.
Nope, not if you don't know and can't contact a parent. I have raised 3 teens and only had that come up once. We knew the parents and it was a NY Eve party. Girls upstairs, parents on main level, and boys in basement. That was fine but I would not be ok with a strange house and no contact.
Especially since you're "too embarrassing" to speak with an actual adult. That just smells fishy to me. I remember how my friends and I were in high school and we were relatively good kids.
I'm not a parent, but my first thought was no way! I will say though, it is kind of impressive that he asked. I rarely got into trouble as a teen and in this situation I would have probably lied to my parents and told them it was girls only.
The "too embarrassing" part is a tip off to me that there probably aren't going to be parents there, though. If he really wanted to go and thought you talking to a parent might make a difference in your decision, it feels like he would suck it up and just complain to his friends about how "embarrassing" you are over not going at all.
We hosted a co-ed sleepover after prom for five couples. All the parents came to our house for pictures before prom and were not embarrassed to ask me about the sleeping situation and if we were going to be home. If you can’t talk to the parents, I think it should be a no.
It was college, but we hosted DD’s whole Fencing team when they competed in Berkeley. They brought sleeping bags and slept all over the house. Lots of boys and girls.
I’m kinda the odd one out here. I wouldn’t let my own HS kids attend couples’ sleepovers like Hand, but I’d probably say okay to a coed non-couples group.
When my sons were 16, there were problems even at some male only sleepovers they attended - boys that age have no common sense, and will do things together they would never do independently.
Stick to your decision - boundaries are for our kid's protection.
And yes, not wanting you to contact the parent is a huge red flag.
Even for evening parties, we met the parents "just to see if they needed us to pick up any refreshments or anything"...and pick up time for dd was 11 till she was driving, and midnight curfew after that.
She was just talking about that yesterday, how dh always showed up at the party at 11 and all the other kids kind of liked seeing him (probably because after dd and dh left, the party could get started with no adult interference...).
Now that she and most of her friends are parents, they realize how much dh cared about her. Many of her friends take him as a parenting role model. I predict lots of them will be at his funeral...
I grew up attending and hosting coed sleepovers and there were couples mixed in. We stayed in sleeping bags in my basement when at my house and watch movies. My mom would make us snacks and breakfast. We had a core group of friends and our parents knew we were responsible, reliable kids. Most of us attended the same church too. So I see nothing wrong with it as long it's well supervised and there are open lines of communication.
Now, since you say your son isnt always forthcoming and he doesnt want you talking to the hosting parents, that in itself would be grounds for me to tell my own child no. That would be the trade off. You can go if iI you talk to the parents and if I cam check in.
There is no way I would allow this without being able to contact the parent. However, with appropriate supervision, I have no problem with a coed sleepover. We did this frequently when I was in high school, and those are some great memories of staying up all night watching movies and having someone’s mom make breakfast for everyone.
NO WAY! There's way too much to worry about when they're a teen or a child.
My parents never let me do it the couple times I had a chance to as a child back in the 80s. I never felt sad or mad about it. I looked at it as no big deal that I missed it. I remember saying to myself back then, "what's the big deal about being in pajamas and brushing your teeth at someone else's house?!"
I want to know a little about the parents. My sister used to flat out ask if there were fire arms, alcohol or drugs in the home. If grandma has weed card, how is that stuff secured? Who's gonna be home? What's the game plan for fun?
I don't think I would be that bold, but I need more than a 16 year old giving me a verbal invite.
If the parents seem reasonable, and have some sort of itinerary planned out, it wouldn't be an out right no.
As a parent, I would want to be contacted. Your son is wrong in that respect. I also wouldn't run my mouth to DD that Biff's parents contacted me about the festivities.
After senior prom, my son and date attended a co-ed sleepover. The boys slept in tents in the yard and the girls slept in the house. We all knew the parents well and contributed to the snacks and breakfast items. The mother of the house slept in a lazy boy.
I would not have said yes to your son as his not wanting you to talk to the parents is a red flag that something's up......or maybe he thinks nobody else will have a parent call and is embarrassed that you want to do so. I can't imagine letting a child of mine spending the night at a house (co-ed or not), and not talking to a parent.
I thought about it after I declined the idea, and wanted to be sure I wasn’t being unreasonable. ( I have been called overprotective and strict by my own friends).Thank you all for weighing in and taking the time to respond! I know relationships between the sexes have changed since I was a teenager, but wanted to make sure I was on the right path.
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10-09-2018, 05:23 PM
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