I’m wondering if I’m suffering from depression. I’m in my 40’s. I feel like my life has no purpose-I don’t have kids, but I can’t say I ever really wanted them. My long term boyfriend thinks that I just can’t be happy. He basically says when something good happens I just find something else to complain about. I feel like that I’ve always been that way. I remember being depressed with my life in college too. I don’t have friends really-I’m a big introvert. My dog passed away almost a year ago. I feel like some of my happiness was tied in with my dog. That seems a bit sad. Any advice? How do I change? What do I do?
I think it's good to be aware of your general mood and the general circumstances. This has been an incredibly stressful year for everybody with lots of hard things going on under the best of circumstances. Sometimes it's hard to tell if the unhappiness is situational and how much is a general mood.
I'm also a huge introvert and value my alone time but...I still have friends of various degrees of closeness. Do you want more friends?
The having kids part isn't essential for happiness obviously.
Pets and dogs are awesomeness.
So my advice FWIW is to figure out what makes you happy. You, not your BF or anyone else. Like dogs? Get ones, there's lots out there who would love a good caring home. Want some friends to chill with? Pursue that (although it's harder in the current situation). Having a hard time figuring things out? Zoom with a therapist.
Best of luck!.
It would be a good idea to talk to a professional about your feelings. I can relate to a lot of what you posted, but in my case I know it’s not depression; it’s just me. Your natural outlook on life just may be different than other people’s, but it would be good to rule out anything medical.
You might try daily gratitudes! They really help, imo.
I tend to be/used to be a pessimist...not depressed, per se, but definitely had a hard time understanding "happy" and what that meant/looked like. I always tied it to something/someone, when essentially, it comes from within.
As for "purpose"...if you like animals, could you volunteer at an animal shelter or something? That would bring you joy and purpose.
I know I'm rambling...but I get where you are coming from!
I would see my family doctor and get a recommendation for a therapist. I think a therapist will help you sort out your feelings. I don't think that some of your happiness was tied to your dog. Our dogs are special to us and when we lose them, we can feel more alone. I like the idea of volunteering at a shelter, I'm sure they could use your help caring for our furry friends.
I feel like I could have written this exact post (same age and life circumstances), the only difference is I lost my dog 4 months ago. I feel like I lost part of my soul when I lost her.
Since I am in the same boat as you, so know that you are not alone.
Make an appointment with your doctor if needed. Mine had a survey he asked me for both depression and anxiety. Even though I knew I suffered from depression it took me years to admit it to a doctor to get medication. It hasn't been a magic cure, but it does help. I hadn't been seeing a therapist, but after losing my dog I have been struggling enough that I decided it was time. Especially since the appointments are virtual right now. They are very backed up right now though, at least where I live.
A negative what we like to call, attitude, is a major symptom of depression. I've had it and I've witnessed DD with bipolar depression. It is miserable!
I think it might be a good idea to set up an appointment with your primary care doctor. Sometimes there can be physical reasons for depression like thyroid or hormone issues. If that all checks out ok he or she could prescribe a mild antidepressant. Or you could try seeing a counselor first for awhile and go from there.
Other helpful things are spending some time each day in the sunlight, exercise or carving some time out each day for doing something you enjoy.
Im a big introvert, too. And while I'm not overtly happy all of the time I do know that for the most part I am content in life. Two thoughts popped into my head while I read your post:
1) I love my dog so so much, and would be heartbroken to lose her. I would bet that part of you is still grieving. Have you thought about getting another one? The best thing about dogs is their unconditional love, and I can 100% guarantee your dog would want you to have more of that love in your life.
2) Do you have EAP services through your district? It's a really good place to find someone to talk with quickly. A counselor can help you figure out if this is your "normal" or if you need to talk more, try out meds, etc.
Therapy can help if it's depression, and even if it's not clinical depression it can still be super helpful to have that help and support.
Also, don't be afraid/ashamed to try medication if you think you need it. I know there's stigma around it, but there really shouldn't be! Do what you need to keep you healthy mentally as well as physically. ((hugs))
Personally, I use Betterhelp for therapy, and it works really well for me. It's all virtual and you can write, video sessions, and/or telephone sessions with your therapist. Feel free to PM me if you want more info, or I think I can send you a trial link (I'd have to double check on that).
You can also see who is available locally that your insurance will cover. Many regular therapists are doing teletherapy now, and most insurances will cover it. Don't feel discouraged if the first person you try doesn't "click", sometimes it can take some trial to find the right person for you.
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12-31-2020, 04:43 PM
