[Snowflake29]

I am in Year 3 of teaching SPED (3rd grade). My students are either mostly on grade level or slightly below so it is more of a resource room environment vs. all day self contained. I have about 20 students with IEPs that I work with.

I just find that I am so hard on myself. For me, it’s harder to see gains than it is to see failures or weaknesses. I am constantly questioning my teaching abilities especially when I notice students are struggling. And when there is progress with one student all of a sudden a crisis comes up with another student whether it’s behavior or academics etc.

I do feel supported at my school but I rarely hear praise from my admin or colleagues which makes me constantly question whether what I’m doing is even right. This leads me to compare myself to my colleagues.

Unfortunately since my students are so close to grade level, test scores do matter at my school so like many other teachers I feel scrutinized.

Does any one else ever feel this way? I feel like I’m constantly wondering if what I’m doing is enough. On the other hand, when I find ideas or strategies that I do really like this late in the year I kick myself for not thinking of it sooner and wonder how much more progress a student would have made If I had.

Sorry just had to vent a bit. Quarter 4 is pretty stressful!

[Haley23]

Yes, all of the time! I think all teachers feel this sometimes to some extent, but I feel like it's worse in sped because no matter what I do, my kids are never "good enough."

Even if they're making growth, it's expected to be more growth than kids without disabilities, and at my school we don't have the resources to actually provide more intervention in sped (kids were already getting similar intervention in title 1).

Even if they're making more than one year's growth in one year's time, they're not passing state tests, so therefore still not good enough. My P wants to focus on the sped cohort for state testing next year because we're the only one not performing .

Then if a child magically makes all of this growth with the very little services and supports we're able to provide, they no longer qualify for sped, and are therefore no longer considered a student with an IEP who is succeeding. There may be a momentary celebration when they're exited, but that's soon forgotten and the child no longer "counts" for me.

It sounds like your school is different, but in my school if a child were performing on or even close to grade level, he or she would absolutely be exited at their triennial review and there would be pressure to exit them sooner. In my state, students need to be performing at the 12th percentile or lower and show a non-response to interventions to continue being qualified as learning disabled.

I try to focus on the positives and the growth that kids are making, and also consider how I'm setting them up for "real life." I have several students who find every aspect of school to be extremely difficult; they need thousands upon thousands of repetitions to learn even the most basic concepts. Yet they have great attitudes and continue to work hard- a life skill that will serve them incredibly well when they're older, perhaps even better than the "book smart" kids.

My best friend is dyslexic and always reminds me that she is a perfectly successful adult without being able to read 200 wpm. I think we sometimes get so wrapped up in all of our stupid assessments and targets that we miss the forest for the trees, so to speak.

[momteachsis]

I am a self-contained teacher new to my school. I've done Sped for over 10 years and I still feel that way. In fact I almost started crying when a friend who is the Athletics Team Leader told me that one of the assistant principals and my team lead were praising me as a teacher in the Team Leader Meeting. I never feel like I'm doing enough for the kids, and admin. pretty much stays out of my room, so I don't really hear the positive from them either. SPED is hard, and many times overwhelming. Luckily, I know I'm making a difference, even if the test scores don't show it.

[ElemSped13]

All. The. Time. And now that we’re at the end of the year, I feel like I have failed so many kids. I have a caseload if 30 and co-teach. It feels worse when I get compliments because I don’t feel like I deserve it.

[MsOwl100]

All the time. However, I think that's what makes us good teachers. We're always striving to do better for our kids.

[Snowflake29]

Was just feeling the EXACT same way as I did a year ago when I posted this and I do feel better after rereading that you all feel the same way at times.

This year I tried to use strategies I found successful last year, it helped keep me motivated enough to think “maybe I am doing something right” but after end of the year assessments, I still feel like the majority of my low readers are still very low. When I first started teaching I always though any progress was progress since these students struggle so much, but unfortunately with all of our expectations I feel like growth doesn’t count until it’s “enough”.

I also had one student this year who FLOURISHED in so many ways but because not all of my students had as much growth, it causes me to doubt myself saying to others “I don’t think it’s me I think something just clicked one day”

I know I taught my students a lot of important life skills this year but unfortunately life skills don’t come up on test scores and state assessments.

Sorry, just reflecting on this year and had to vent....again.