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Terrible writing award?
Old 11-10-2020, 04:45 PM
  #1

From online People magazine:
Quote:
A couple from New York City who’d just celebrated their wedding with family and friends died just four days later after they drowned while on a Caribbean honeymoon.
just....just
They died 4 days after they drowned?

What else do you see?


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Old 11-10-2020, 04:48 PM
  #2

They died four days after they were married. The sentence was very poorly written.
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Old 11-10-2020, 04:51 PM
  #3

To be honest, I was more concerned about the couple passing away than the wording from the magazine. That is such a sad thing to happen. My prayers are with the family and friends.
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Not needed
Old 11-10-2020, 05:47 PM
  #4

To me, the 2nd just is not needed, and makes it seem just like you said "just 4 days after they drowned" which to me, if they lived that long after drowning is quite a miracle! Obviously, that's not what it meant.

The first time I read it, I recognized it was a sad story and got what they were trying to say. The second time, I realized how poorly written it was.
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Old 11-10-2020, 05:52 PM
  #5

Someone got paid to write that. Oh I hope it wasn't a former student of mine!


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Commas
Old 11-10-2020, 06:40 PM
  #6

Could have saved the sentence

Very sad news for the people
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Old 11-11-2020, 03:54 AM
  #7

That is very poorly written. Sadly I see things like this too often. Doesn't an editor proofread and make corrections to something like this?

Last edited by travelingfar; 11-11-2020 at 01:09 PM..
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