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Settle an argument for us
Old 08-06-2021, 10:39 AM
  #1

Disclaimer: Iím in an area where itís the norm to give and get large cash gifts at weddings. Please donít respond with your personal feelings about large cash gifts.


That being said, dh and I are arguing about how much to give to the couple who invited us to their wedding tonight. The groom is a co worker of dhís. Itís a second marriage for both. Itís at a big fancy banquet hall. Usually we give $500. However since itís a second marriage for both, I say $250-$300 since they both already had big weddings and received big cash gifts for their first marriages. Dh still wants to give $500. I think itís too much for a second wedding. Would you cut the amount for a wedding that was a second marriage? By the way, we went to the groomís first wedding and gave a gift for that.


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Old 08-06-2021, 10:43 AM
  #2

Iíd give a lower amount. Right or not, I give gifts also based on how close I am to the person. A coworker (unless they are close friends, as well) wouldnít get as much as a family member or good friend.
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Old 08-06-2021, 10:48 AM
  #3

I agree with PEPteach.

If your DH is close to this coworker, give more.
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Old 08-06-2021, 10:50 AM
  #4

Easy for me to give away your money. Iím with your DH, Iíd give the same amount I gave at the first marriage. We all make mistakes, right? Time for a fresh start?

P.S. I adore your Tilt pictures.
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Old 08-06-2021, 10:50 AM
  #5

I would go with DH's thoughts since it's his coworker. If I were choosing for one of my coworkers I'd want to have final say since I am the one who has to work with him/her. Either way, it's a nice gift!


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Old 08-06-2021, 11:03 AM
  #6

I doócut the amount I give for second weddings.
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Old 08-06-2021, 11:11 AM
  #7

Iím with you in principle but I do agree that since your DH is the one with the closer relationship to the groom he gets to decide.
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Old 08-06-2021, 11:22 AM
  #8

I would give $500.

DH works with the groom and may have overheard or had conversations with others about what they were giving the couple.

From a divorced person's perspective I would probably need the money more the second time around.
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Old 08-06-2021, 11:32 AM
  #9

Big fancy wedding hall-
I would give $500. Same amount for all weddings. Sounds like the couple are planning a very special event.
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Old 08-06-2021, 12:07 PM
  #10

Wow! The most I have ever given is 100. That is a huge amount of money. I guess since it is his coworker I would let him choose. I can't believe people get 500 per couple. Who can afford that?


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Old 08-06-2021, 12:10 PM
  #11

It might be embarrassing for your dh to give the lower amount because he does work with the groom. I would agree with your dh.
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Old 08-06-2021, 12:37 PM
  #12

What if you split the difference and give 400?
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Old 08-06-2021, 12:40 PM
  #13

Iíd go with $500 because of the work situation, but Iím not a fan of big blowout events for second weddings.
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Old 08-06-2021, 12:42 PM
  #14

I would let DH have the last word on this one.
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Old 08-06-2021, 12:42 PM
  #15

Inthink it is too much for the second wedding.

A large gift for the first wedding is fine because the bride and groom are just getting started in life. With a second marriage they are already established with homes and careers. A smaller gift is appropriate.
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Old 08-06-2021, 12:58 PM
  #16

The lower amount is quite generous, but I would defer to your husband who works with him.
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Monetary Amount
Old 08-06-2021, 01:04 PM
  #17

Honestly? I think maybe cut the difference and give $400? I tend to think that how close the coworker relationship is is more important than the fact that it's a second marriage and also take into account the couple's overall financial standing (do they take vacations or buy new cars or have a nice house? or did they suffer financial hardships in the previous divorce and ensuing years?).
Either way I hope you enjoy yourselves.
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Old 08-06-2021, 01:12 PM
  #18

Husbandís coworker. He gets to decide.
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DH's call
Old 08-06-2021, 01:19 PM
  #19

His coworker.
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Old 08-06-2021, 01:46 PM
  #20

I think your DH should decide since he has to work with this person, and it could be awkward for him if he doesn't give the expected amount.
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Old 08-06-2021, 02:52 PM
  #21

Let dh decide. We usually let the relative/friend of the person getting married decide on the amount for the gift. The amount ranges from $300 to $1,000 depending on the couple getting married and how close we are to them. My usual amount is in the $400-500 range.
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Old 08-06-2021, 07:37 PM
  #22

Just got home from the wedding. I took the advice from the majority here and went with dhís gift amount. Thank you everyone for responding! I appreciate your advice.
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Old 08-07-2021, 01:06 AM
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