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My brother killed himself ....
Old 04-18-2019, 01:44 PM
 
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this past fall. Partially due to gossip at work and elsewhere. My administration knows this...
and now they are encouraging people to gossip about me. I am saddened! Is there a hidden
message, and what should I do?


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Old 04-18-2019, 02:58 PM
 
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Talk with your P or a close coworker. You need compassionate support at this time.

Last edited by Renea; 04-18-2019 at 08:09 PM..
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Old 04-18-2019, 03:05 PM
 
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If you have proof that the gossip is being encouraged, consider going to HR.

On the other hand, is there any possibility that it's not really gossip, but that you are understandably sensitive right now. You've been through an incredibly difficult experience. I'm so sorry about your brother.
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What horrible people :(
Old 04-18-2019, 03:22 PM
 
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Do you have any close colleagues who could run interference for you? Someone who could shut down gossip and spread the word that people need to stop talking about this behind your back? A "Hey, let's not talk about Ms. X behind her back. Her family is going through a hard time and we should be supportive." If it's just you, I would be super proactive at this point and hijack some meeting time or send a mass email explaining the basic details and offering to answer any questions. I would even say that gossip about the situation is very hurtful. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, go to your principal and be straight with him/her and just say, "I need the gossip about my family situation to stop. It's hurtful to me and distracting to our professional working environment. How can you help me with this?"

I'm very sorry for your loss, and it's very sad that your grief is being compounded by your colleagues. This isn't a healthy situation.
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Old 04-18-2019, 03:23 PM
 
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I agree with TAOEP. The conversations could be borne of care and concern for you.


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Old 04-18-2019, 04:11 PM
 
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We've had similar situations at a school I worked at. The admin met with everyone, except for that person. They waited until they were out of the building and said and someone else stated- "This is a difficult situation for this person. Please respect the person's privacy". Unfortunately, if this is coming from admin than I would ask a friend to stand up at the end of a staff meeting or send an email to the same effect.

*I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you are seeking support and taking care of yourself. ❤️
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Old 04-18-2019, 04:55 PM
 
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Could it be they are worried about you and don't know how to approach you?

If you are sure this is malicious gossip, I would go to HR and file a grievance. If they are speculating about your brother's death and making rumors, start documenting.

I am sorry for your lost, please take care of yourself.

You are not alone. Here at the vent we care about you. Let us know how you are doing from time to time. Also, it may be a good idea to go see a doctor and a therapist to help you cope with the pain.
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What to Do
Old 04-19-2019, 01:14 AM
 
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Contact the employee assistance program for guidance on how to proceed.

I'm so sorry about your loss.
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Thanks.
Old 04-19-2019, 02:57 AM
 
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My administration are the ones who are encouraging people to gossip about me, and they have covered their asses by filing a professional development plan against me. I joined the union, and got them involved.
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Gossip?
Old 04-19-2019, 04:27 AM
 
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Like malicious?

I guess I can't even think what you'd gossip about a suicide at the work place, that wouldn't make the person talking look like a total a**h**e.


If someone fired up, "Buffy's brother was an addict and it was only a matter of time before the inevitable happen..." I think anyone hearing that would say WTF, dude, check yourself.

You have the right not to say anything to anyone about how your brother died. It sounds like you told no one at work other than an family member died. What my sister does for their HR department is send out an email blast pretty early on..

"Buffy has had a close relative die due to unfortunate circumstances. She would prefer to only focus on work, and has supports in place deal with this issue. Please respect Buffy's privacy at this time."

This way everyone gets the memo to shut up and leave you ALONE. My sister would probably include "brother" instead of relative, especially if the death was covered in the media/social media. It backs off the "I need to know everything loons", since that information is public knowledge.

I've had 4 relatives kill themselves. Usually, people treat you like asbestos, and pretend the person never existed. I'm assuming people are worried about you, and want to do "something". Thing is not everyone wants "something". Some want work to be the one place that those thoughts don't chew on their brains.

HR dropped the ball for you.

I would do the email blast that you want work to be work, request for privacy, and you have supports in place and appreciate everyone's concern. Unfortunately it's on you to shut this down.

Official statement from HR (administration) should back everyone off.

(gentle hugs) Sorry about your dear brother


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Old 04-19-2019, 07:32 AM
 
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How cruel can people be?! What a sad state of affairs. You probably wish you could move away, leave this whole mess behind you, and start fresh, but people can't always do that.

I'd go to HR. I hope you have some kind of proof that they're intentionally gossiping about you.

I sure hope things improve!
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Old 04-19-2019, 02:52 PM
 
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If your brother worked for the same district and they drove him to do this. Yes, that totally explains why they are bullying and harassing you. If that is so, you need to lawyer up.

I am just assuming he may have worked in the same place, you were vague.

Hope everything goes well.
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Sorry
Old 04-22-2019, 09:30 PM
 
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About your brother.

You must distance yourself from bad people .

Find new job. Move to new town. Save yourself.
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