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Old 07-13-2018, 11:43 AM
  #1

I just found out that my son and his girlfriend of 2 years are sexually active (from her mother). They will both be 18 in 2 months and seniors next year. I had a conversation with him yesterday and asked him about it. He was honest with me. We've always had an open dialogue and I intentionally do not freak out about things or have unrealistic expectations about my kids being perfect angels. I have talked to him about sex and using protection for a long time. She is on birth control and has been for years for hormonal issues.

My question is, I guess, how do I walk the walk following my philosophy I've always had in my head about things. Obviously I would have rather them waited but you can't unring that bell. I emphasized to him that NO birth control is 100% and what a struggle it would be for many many years if she got pregnant. They're both high achieving kids and involved in many things and will probably both recieve scholarships. Now I'm just bleh. I feel awkward and don't want to but I can't help it. I haven't seen her yet. She's over a lot and we do lots of things together. I know it would happen sooner or later but I was hoping it would be after they went to college and I wouldn't know anything about it. Lol.


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Old 07-13-2018, 12:53 PM
  #2

Yeah. Itís a hard part of parenting. Iím glad they are open about it and have some
protection going on.

The first time I found out my son was having sex was a pregnancy scare. That was a horrible couple
of weeks. Now they are all adults and I breathe a sigh of relief.
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Old 07-13-2018, 01:56 PM
  #3

I think you are such a great mom for not freaking out and the fact that he had an open and honest conversation speaks a lot about that. I think you covered what I would cover in that birth control is not 100% and it is important to use condoms even if the girl is on the pill to protect against STDs. I can imagine it is awkward but it sounds like they have been together awhile and are almost adults so I guess the main concern is making sure he does not become careless in using protection.
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Good Job Mom!!
Old 07-13-2018, 03:02 PM
  #4

It is great that you have an open relationship about this. When I was in this situation with my kids, they knew I would remind them. "Be safe, wear a helmet!!) It was awkward at first, but it got easier. I actually told DD's boyfriend at the time that he owed me at least $20/month to pay for his half of the BC bill. It shocked him, and I think he only paid me for one month, but it made them both think twice.
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Old 07-13-2018, 03:29 PM
  #5

But him some condoms and make sure to stress the importance of using them! You really canít do anymore than make sure he is safe.


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Old 07-14-2018, 05:27 AM
  #6

After my girls became sexually active, we still had rules about it. First of all, I've always told my girls (since years before they were sexually active) to use TWO forms of birth control EVERY TIME.

We also talked a lot about respect. One aspect of being respectful meant not having sex right under my nose, so to speak. I don't want to be enjoying a movie and a glass of wine, and hearing the bed creaking upstairs. So we continued the rule we had before they starting having sex: the bedroom door will be open at all times.

We have talked about how no still means no, even after you've become sexually active. Just because you're in a relationship, doesn't mean it's always a *yes*. I have had this talk with the boyfriends present as well.

It's a HUGE step-up in parenting when your kids become sexually active. But I believe in laying the groundwork years ahead of time by having these conversations a lot (especially in the car, when they can't walk away !).
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