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Suicide: 18 months later
Old 03-02-2021, 06:03 PM
  #1

My brother in law took his life a year and a half ago. He left behind a wife and three kids, now ages 23, 21 and 17.

Of course their family (and the rest of us survivors) has grieved over the last 18 months but the kids are understandably still learning not doing very well. The 23 year old boy doesnít want to finish college now and is binge drinking to the point of blacking out every weekend. The 21 year old girl has PTSD, sees dead people in her bedroom at night is on several medications to help with her anxiety. The 17 year old lost her love of the sport she once adored, volleyball, has gained about 20 pounds and doesnít really care about anything or anyone.

As for me, I was there that fateful night and tried to talk my BIL out of his final act, obviously unsuccessfully. I struggle with feelings of guilt and regret that I couldnít change his mind. But I worry about his family more than I worry about myself.

I love my nieces and nephew so much and it devastates me to see their pain and my sister in law trying to make sure her kids are alright. My brother in law was a good person. Deep down I donít think he would have taken his life had he known how much hurt he would cause...at least I hope not.

Thanks for reading, itís just been a trying few days. Suicide truly has life long repercussions.


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Old 03-02-2021, 06:11 PM
  #2

Thank you for sharing these deep and meaningful thoughts. I appreciate you.
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Old 03-02-2021, 06:12 PM
  #3

My heart and my prayers go out to all of you. I am sorry the kids are having such a hard time. Do you know if anyone has been to grief counseling?

As for your brother in-law, most likely he was very sick.

May God's peace be with all of you.

Nancy
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Old 03-02-2021, 06:18 PM
  #4

(((katluv)))) I remember you sharing that when it happened. I am so sad to hear about his kids and where they are right now. Are they in therapy or getting any support? It's devastating to hear that they have seemed to completely lose hope and they are struggling so much.

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My brother in law was a good person. Deep down I donít think he would have taken his life had he known how much hurt he would cause
It's so hard for people who are in the depths of despair to realize how it may impact others. I'm so sad for all those who are hurt by his choice. My heart is breaking for all the missed opportunities and forever altered paths in your post.
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I am sorry
Old 03-02-2021, 06:43 PM
  #5

You have all been through so much. I hope they (and you if needed) all receive counseling. Prayers for you all.


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I can
Old 03-02-2021, 07:13 PM
  #6

only imagine how devastating this has been for your family. I also hope that the family is receiving counseling. Sending prayers for you and your family.
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Old 03-02-2021, 07:34 PM
  #7

I’m so sorry for your family’s heartbreak. I hope things improve for all.
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Old 03-02-2021, 08:40 PM
  #8

This was a devastating moment for everyone in your family. Can I assume you and your niece and nephews have therapists? Something I learned, and I hope doesnít feel trite to you, is: grief never gets smaller, you just grow bigger around it.

Holding you all in my heart.
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Old 03-02-2021, 10:01 PM
  #9

I'm so sorry. What a terrible thing to have to life through and with.

It sounds as if all of the young people need mental health assistance. Perhaps both a counselor and a support group with professional leadership. Referrals might come from doctor, school counselor, hospice, local ER, NAMI. You might consider it for yourself also; it would almost certainly be helpful and you would be setting an example for the family.
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One of my dear friends from high school
Old 03-03-2021, 03:46 AM
  #10

Managed to buy a gun, get to a hotel, and shot herself in the head. I was devastated. It was so hard on her 2 daughters. Her husband remarried about 3 months after she died. Ugh!


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I am so sorry for the trauma
Old 03-03-2021, 04:27 AM
  #11

that everyone is experiencing. I hope people are seeing therapists. I am so sorry for the kids. To be entering adulthood and then this....they are also probably dealing with anger, alongside the hurt.

There are support groups for survivors of this. Maybe that would help.

I guess you're not really looking for advice, just a place to vent. I do so wish I could wrap my arms around you this morning.
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Suicide
Old 03-03-2021, 05:32 AM
  #12

I am sorry for your loss. You conveyed the aftermath well. I have seen similar outcomes.

It makes me sad. Those kids are suffering from abandonment. I trust they are getting therapy.

My sister found someone who had overdosed and called 911. Your situation was different, her person was already passed out ... stomach pumped.

I trust you are in therapy. This doesn't necessarily mean psych doctors. They are warranted but there are many other things you can do to soothe yourself and feel better.

It isn't your fault. You tried where others might have froze.

((((((Hugs))))))
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Old 03-03-2021, 06:03 AM
  #13

I remember when you shared this tragic event with us. Suicide leaves scars forever. I hope your family is eventually able to process and move back to a sense of normal, whatever that may be.

Take care of yourself as well. 💕
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Old 03-03-2021, 06:50 AM
  #14

I am so very sorry for your loss and their devastation.
I have a friend who committed suicide back in December. Her 16 year old son had committed suicide almost two years before and she genuinely never seemed able to recover from the guilt that she should have been able to prevent it.
I worry so much about her husband and the 19 year old daughter she left behind.
I similarly feel that her son would never have committed suicide if he'd realized the impact.
Sending good thoughts.
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Oh no!
Old 03-03-2021, 07:25 AM
  #15

I think I missed your original post. I am so sorry for what you've been through with this. I don't know how to respond except to say I care and will pray for your family.
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Old 03-03-2021, 08:10 AM
  #16

I remember when you posted about this and am sad to read of the problems his children are having. I do suggest contacting your local hospital to see if they have any support groups the family can utilize.

My grandfather committed suicide many years ago. My aunt and dad found him. It was hard, but my grandfather was ill and I think he wanted the pain to end. My grandmother had died and he had been her caregiver for a long time. I say he always had people around him but he was lonely, feeling alone.

Your family can't live with if only, but with the fact their loved one was ill. He loved everyone but could not see he was needed. This is why I think support groups would be helpful. So many are feeling the same and can help. I will hold your family in prayers that their lives will get better as they come to terms with what happened. I don't think 18 months is to far out.
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Old 03-03-2021, 11:23 AM
  #17

I am so sorry to hear this. It sounds like everyone needs grief counseling. I'm worried about the kids. I've heard that people that commit suicide truly seriously feel that everyone (including their own children) would be better off without them. This is devastating. I hope you all find some really good support.
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Old 03-03-2021, 01:47 PM
  #18

I am so sorry for the pain your family is eperiencing. I wish you peace.
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Old 03-03-2021, 02:16 PM
  #19

Someone who commits suicide wants to escape the pain, the problem is that the pain doesnít end. It multiplies and transfers to those left behind.

I found that talking with others who are also survivors of suicide to be very helpful. A grief support group just isnít the same. Look for a chapter of Survivors of Suicide near you. My husband reluctantly went with me and we always had good conversations on the way home. It helped us to open up to each other.

Some people suffering from PTSD have been helped by EMDR therapy.
https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/emdr-what-is-it Maybe that would be helpful for your brother in lawís daughter.

My heart breaks for his kids and everyone who was left behind.
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My heart
Old 03-03-2021, 04:13 PM
  #20

is breaking for you and your family. Sending love and hugs.
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Thank you
Old 03-03-2021, 04:57 PM
  #21

For all of the kind words. The counselor at my school and all of my coworkers have been wonderful. I feel like I can talk to them anytime. I also belong to a survivors of suicide group.

The two older kids have received some therapy here and there. They are under the impression that seeking help means being weak.

Although we live 30 miles apart, I told my sister in law we are going to do more as a family together. My 24 year old son enjoys spending time with my nephew and can be a good influence for him.

I appreciate everyoneís responses. Iím hoping the rest of 2021 goes better for everyone. 💕
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