[shamberries]

How do I encourage independence in a 5th grade student who is constantly being enabled by his parent? She wants me to check his bookbag every day to make sure he has all of his homework and books. However, I don't want to embarrass him in front of his peers.

He does not have an IEP, but she does not want him to miss recess when work is incomplete. All work she wants sent home to do at home with her and then complains about having so much homework. She reteaches the lessons and then complains about having to do so.

This child is not learning about responsibility and consequences. If he forgets an assignment, it's my fault because I didn't update the homework app during the day. (Sometimes I don't have time because I'm teaching and I update it after school.) At the end of the day, I say over and over and over what they need to take home to do for homework.

Help me!

[bernard1]

Can you do lunch detention? IS there a buddy that can help make sure he has what he needs to take home for the night?

I understand and feel your pain.....

How much homework does he have?? My guys only have math (a worksheet) and spelling. Is it the work he isn't completing in class that takes up most of his night? Can you use part of specials to have him make up work?

[CatLady2B]

Get him an assignment book to write his assignments in. You initial it after he shows you that he has all of the materials in his bag. (I don't initial, but use a stamp/stamp pad.) He may do it to get the stamp every afternoon, then have mom initial when he is finished and has the work in his bag. Every Friday, if he does this all week, put a sticker in the assignment book. You are not putting anything in his bag, just stamping the assignment book.

[bernard1]

We also use planners.....sorry I guess I take for granted everyone has them....but having the parent initial each night and the child write them each day is effective!

[shamberries]

We actually use an app called MyHomework and we all post assignments on that. That way the child doesn't need to be responsible to write the info down. She wants me to check his bookbag to make sure he has all of his books.

I want the child to become more independent by packing his bag. I stand at the front of the room and over and over tell them what to put in the bookbag.

She does not give consequences if he forgets something. It becomes my fault. I think by 5th grade I shouldn't have to check a bookbag. He can do that when I'm standing there saying it over and over. He is choosing not to do it because he knows that he doesn't have to. He knows that mom will always bail him out. He can just give her excuses and she buys it.

[frazzledtchr]

I am so tired of parents enabling their kids and blaming everything on us! By 5th grade, these kids are able to record assignments and pack their book bags themselves. (At least they should be!) We don't hold them accountable for anything anymore and it's just crazy. I told one class yesterday that I wouldn't want to go to any of them if they become nurses or doctors or lawyers, etc because they are lazy and don't show any desire to be responsible. I wouldn't trust them as adults if they continue to behave the way they do now!

Maybe make a scene packing up this boy's bookbag for him and he'll realize it's better to do it himself than have the teacher do it in front of everyone!

[Lakeside]

What about a checklist he could use himself? Put each subject in the first column, and the materials he has for that subject (book, notebook, whatever) in the second column, with check boxes next to each item. With the assignments in mind (either you're saying them to the class, or they are written on the board, or whatever) he is to go through each item, and if he needs it, put it in his bag and check it off. If he doesn't need it, "x" the box instead.

At first, if you think he needs support, he could bring just the checklist to you to review. That way, you're not making a big production in front of the other kids, but you can catch it if he, say, packs his notebook instead of his textbook.

You could make it reusable in a dry-erase sleeve, or just print a bunch of copies.

[angelajw]

I was also going to suggest a checklist he could be responsible for. I would also let the boy and his mother know that by Christmas you will be phasing out your responsibility and moving it to the boy.