[Angelo]

Do you have a list of things you say in your head but which would get you in trouble if you said them out loud? Like me, are you terrified that someday your temper might get the better of your good judgment and you might say one of these phrases out loud to a student or parent?

Post your favorite "inside-my-head" lines.

I'll start.

Parent: *angrily* Who can I talk to about this?
Me: *inside my head* Your effing psychiatrist might be a good place to start.

Student: *after the instructions have been given, posted, and the materials handed out* What am I supposed to do?
Me: *inside my head* Just try to sleep while the other children are learning (credit to The Simpsons on that one).

[bookgeek59]

My go to is "Your mother."

Others include:
What the fu*k do you think you should do?
Will you just shut the fu*k up?
I don't get paid enough to deal with your bullsh!t.

[ESDTeacher98]

Yes I know you were absent, no we didn't miss you.

I'm not sad about the school closure

I don't want to explain this after you talked thru my whole lesson

Get away from me right now

I never want to talk to your parent again in my lifetime

You are incredibly spoiled and life will be exceedingly unkind to you in the future

I want to charge for filling out paperwork like other jobs do

[lisa53]

I am way more subversive.

Did you know that the thumbs up sign is very close to an obscene gesture in West African culture? (Traveler's hint: Don't try to hitchhike with your thumb out in Accra, Ghana!)

Or that the OK sign (finger and thumb making a circle) is similarly obscene in certain Latin American countries?

I just use body language!

Makes me feel better, but doesn't get me in trouble (as long as I am careful who my audience is...)

[linda2671]

It's not my couch he'll be sleeping on when he's 40.

[LazyLake]

When admin. encourages teachers to apologize to parents stating that "parents are like our customers"
*inside my head* Of course, no problem, I can apologize to a freaking tree stump and make it sound sincere.

When a parent complains about not being able to reach me because my cell phone number was not made available to him/her!--eyebrow-->
*inside my head* That's right, and I'm not going to give it to you now.

I must confess that on the last day of school, I did lose it with one parent.
"After today, he's all yours!" (and I meant it)

[Keltikmom]

If you don’t get out of my line of vision, I’m going to rip out your arm, and hit you with the bloody stump.

Do you also take financial advice from your child?

Your village called, they’re missing an idiot.

I don’t give a flying fox what your mother told you. I’m the boss, do it my way and do it now.

[eagles23]

"Idiot" plays on loop through my brain pretty much all the time. I just keep waiting for it to jump out of my mouth!

[FUNNYJOKER]

Don't call you at your place of work anymore? I most certainly will continue calling with each interruption your poorly raised, spoiled rotten baby thinks will spice up my lessons.

How about I call YOUR boss and explain what an unpleasant person YOU are?

I'd love to record conversations with parents when they don't cooperate and blame me for what isn't my fault. Then, I'd love to play the recording to many people in that person's life.

[sonoma]

You are a nice kind person. I say these kind of things all the time.

[Claire]

Mine are mostly
WTF?
Shut the hell up
Sit the hell down
And what the f is wrong with you???


I say most of them with my face though all the time....

[mrsf70]

bookgeek59 and Claire, you both nailed it! You must teach secondary, lol.

[Loveslabs]

Are you really that dumb?

How is it that you are 25 years old and your teeth are black and some are missing?

Can you please stop sticking your tongue out and rubbing your tongue piercing under your top teeth?

How can you afford multiple piercings, salon done nails, a new cell phone, etc. but I’m the one that had to buy your kid a new coat?

This conference is about your child’s academics, not your ex, your past trauma, your child’s behavior at home, the job you can’t keep, etc.

Please bathe your child, wash their clothes regularly, and get rid of some of your cats ASAP!

[annie_g]

Hope you enjoy having your kid living at home when he's 40!

[Hammy6714]

are you f***ing kidding me?

***about 100 times a day!

[apple annie]

Yes, there ARE stupid questions.

[Tapdancesub]

As a sub, I get Where’s Mrs X? More from parents than from kids actually. Aloud I respond, “Not here today”, ticks so many parents off. In my mind, why the f&$k is it your business that the poor woman needs a mental health break from your kid.

[juliet4]

My, my aren’t you holier than thou...
Sit down and shut up (from my DH)
I do occasionally use the F word!
Some folks just think they are so f**** smart, but have no soul!

[Seriously]

I love this thread. I have thought many of these "inside-my-head" lines myself and am surprised that they never slipped out.

[Lakeside]

"One day, one day, one day..."

(as in, I'm glad I'm only here for one day, and your regular teacher is a saint!)

[Fractured]

You must have fallen off the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.


Did you eat a lot of paint chips as a kid?

Did I f*cking stutter?

You’re the dumbest kid I’ve met today, and that’s saying something.

Did your parents raise you to be this sh*tty, or did it come naturally?


Kids always come in an ask if I’m the sub. What the f*ck do you think?

[SoDone]

Congratulations! You missed the point better than anyone else so far!

Just shut the f*** up for once so I don't think your parents are wolves.

[frazzledtchr]

So glad I'm not the only one with these thoughts running through my head every day!
Sit down and shut the f... up! was my daily mantra! Distance teaching may not be perfect, but at least I'm not dealing with all the noise... or chasing runners down the hall anymore!