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Rude offspring
Old 08-07-2020, 07:44 AM
  #1

My DXH and I divorced 26 years ago. It was a marriage that faltered from the start and we were both very young. There are 2 children, one is 39 and one is 36.

This week I had a dermatology appointment .5 miles from daughter's house. I go the same time every week to get a treatment. She knows exactly what time I go, as we've talked about it. As I started driving away from the doctor's office I realized that I had to use the bathroom. Office waiting area was super crowded so I didn't return. Called daughter twice. She hung up on me twice. Texted her that I needed to come by and use her bathroom. She responded that she was busy. I texted again and said that it was an emergency. I have a medical condition.

As I was pulling up in her driveway I received the text, "Dad's here." It was too late for me to use my invisibility powers so I simply rang the doorbell. My grandson let me in, I used the bathroom, said hi to all assembled, and left. My grandson let me out. My daughter looked at me like I was an axe murderer.

She is turning 39. Yesterday I took her birthday gift over and heard how upset she was with me. She 'cannot be in the same space with both her dad and I.' It makes her VERY uncomfortable. She hadn't seen him in 8 months and this was a very special time for them all. I apologized and left. Her dad lives 30 minutes away and yet I am the one who gets called to babysit all the time, often on short notice, and always at her house.

My grandson and I have a wonderful relationship and I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that. I don't really need advice and I don't need validation or criticism for my actions. Today is her birthday and she clearly doesn't want to celebrate. I invited her earlier this week, before all the drama and she never responded.

Next time I have a bathroom emergency I'll go in the bushes.


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Old 08-07-2020, 07:51 AM
  #2

I'm sorry that happened to you. It must have been sad and frustrating for you.
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Old 08-07-2020, 07:59 AM
  #3

I have a bladder condition that makes me have extreme urgency sometimes, so I get that emergency feeling. I canít believe your Dd couldnít be civil about such a minor interaction. It sounds like no big deal at all, but she blew it way out of proportion.

Family can be so difficult
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Sorry :(
Old 08-07-2020, 08:00 AM
  #4

No criticism here, I just sorry that you are in this position. I have three adult children now. One is married with two kids that I used to see on a regular basis but then they moved in with her parents to a cabin in the woods hours away due to Covid. (a long story). I have to say though your daughter is not acting like an adult. You've been divorced for a long time and should be able to be in the same room together without the world coming apart. I also think she is not thinking about the future with your grandson. There will be kindergarten graduations, sports, birthday milestones, does she expect to have two celebrations for all of these just so you two are not in the same room? Maybe you could bring up that with her. Life is too short to be concerned with petty issues. I'm glad you have a good relationship with your grandson. Kids don't need all the drama, just love.
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Old 08-07-2020, 08:04 AM
This message has been deleted by MathWA. Reason: Oops - my mistake
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Old 08-07-2020, 08:07 AM
  #5

That situation sounds extreme. I am also divorced, daughter is not close to the ex, she is in the same age range, and she can act like that. Not respectful. She was not like that before the D. We were very close.

Iím sorry this happened to you. Itís an uncomfortable situation in more ways than one.


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Old 08-07-2020, 08:18 AM
  #6

When adult children tell you it's not a good time for you to drop in, don't drop in. Period.

Open and clean bathrooms are found in practically any large convenience store with gasoline pumps. I know from experience.
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Old 08-07-2020, 08:26 AM
  #7

I am sorry this happened to you and your feelings. I am glad you could get it out safely here. Your feelings are real and your own.

I heard you say you didn’t want advice, validation, or criticism. I am sorry some other posters ignored your request.

((Hugs))
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So sorry
Old 08-07-2020, 08:59 AM
  #8

Just sending hugs. You are wise to do what you need to do to preserve the relationship with your grandson.
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Old 08-07-2020, 09:06 AM
  #9

(((musiclover))) That's great that you have a wonderful relationship with your grandson.
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No validation or criticism
Old 08-07-2020, 09:23 AM
  #10

I am sorry it created problems.


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Old 08-07-2020, 09:32 AM
  #11

Yikes, so are you and your daughter NORMALLY not close? So she's doing signals as if the TWO of you already had this arrangement set up that she won't answer the phone OR give you short replies if dad's there, but it seems you were unaware of this arrangement. She seems to treat father better than you, her mother.

That's pretty cold to hang up on one's own mother, so she didn't have to be that rude. I don't care if dad was sitting right there, she should have answered and just said a proper comment to you.

BTW, you and your ex have been divoriced for almost 30 yrs now. Your daughter's pretty much 40. I think she needs to get herself out of this "uncomfortable feeling" regarding having both parents together. She should really be able to handle it by now.
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bathrooms
Old 08-07-2020, 09:55 AM
  #12

No open bathrooms here.
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Old 08-07-2020, 09:57 AM
  #13

Let me out this as gently as I can....

If my child told me it wasn't a good time, then I'd respect that. I might not be happy, but I'd respect it I know people that will disagree with me, but personal space is important, as well as privacy. I personally know people that kids and they have a complete open door policy, so they wouldn't care if someone stopped by to pee.

There were other options for you to use a bathroom. Yup, Covid-19 makes me choose wisely, but I've driven to/from Michigan and used public facilities.

Your daughter needs to grow the hell up. She shouldn't have hung up on you once, let alone twice! The fact that she can't have you & ex in same room is just childish unless you & ex have caused scenes in the past. For her child she needs to get a grip and realize that doing double everything will get old over time!

Your DD calls you to babysit because you are more reliable. Treasure that!

I hope you & DD can work things out and build a respectful relationship.
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Old 08-07-2020, 10:01 AM
  #14

Well, that is rude. But I totally get not wanting to jeopardize your relationship with your grandson.
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Old 08-07-2020, 10:08 AM
  #15

I'm sorry you're in this situation. It sounds like it was very hurtful
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Old 08-07-2020, 10:14 AM
  #16

Sonoma....none are open? Wow! We would have been screwed going to DD's. We went through 5 states and had no troubles.
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Old 08-07-2020, 10:33 AM
  #17

Iím so sorry that you had this experience. I think itís so hard when our adult children behave in a way that is so contrary to how they were raised. You are right to put your relationship with your GS first. Cherish that boy. ((Hugs))
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Old 08-07-2020, 11:17 AM
  #18

OP, I think it was unkind and wrong.
I would never deny a family member use of a bathroom even if it was bad timing. Unless it was literally a matter of a life or death emergency, or if they were abusive psychopaths or something similar (which, lol, I am sure you are not).

Hopefully your daughter will realize she acted poorly and will act differently in future situations.
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Old 08-07-2020, 01:36 PM
  #19

Iím sorry your daughter couldnít be more understanding.

My stepson also gets VERY uncomfortable when his mom and dad are in the same space. It pushes him over the edge when his mom, her wife, his father (my dh) and I are together. It has gotten to the point that the four of us get along well and we have visited them and have dinner with them a couple of times.

I suggest asking your ex to family events. That will really tick her off!
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Old 08-07-2020, 01:48 PM
  #20

Iím sorry she acted like that, some people donít know how good they have it. I would give anything for my mom to stop by and use the bathroom.
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Old 08-07-2020, 02:00 PM
  #21

(((musiclover)))

I'm so glad I know your son instead. Your daughter wouldhate me since I can't keep my face expressionless, .

BTW- LYSOL Disinfectant spray- specifically for Covid. So I can spray the books down nightly. Someone got me the kleenex- yay!!!!
And thank you!!!!!!!!
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Old 08-07-2020, 02:02 PM
  #22

This is a tough situation and many of us have dealt with rude adult children. It is hurtful for the parent and for me it opens my eyes a bit more too. I'm sorry this happened to you and hopefully you have found some peaceful and happy moments today.
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Grandsons rock!
Old 08-08-2020, 07:30 AM
  #23

musiclover,

I'm sorry for your experience but so glad you were able to come here to share. Isn't PT a wonderful place to come at times like this?

Having a warm relationship with your DG is the most important thing. You are blessed to have him in your life.

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Old 08-08-2020, 05:03 PM
  #24

I am so sorry. I know your heart is hurting. Prayers abide.

Nancy
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