My dear husband ( add tons of scarcasm) decided to be as hurtful as possible to me just because he got bad news about his health. I understand his frustration and anger, but it doesn't give him the right to tell me to hurry up and get fired all ready so I can take care of our son full time, OR to call me names. I'll admit that I have sent him several mean texts after he walked out of here to go to work with out so much as a good bye to me. Why can't he be supportive of me ever? It's hard enough waiting for a recall without this nonsense.
You're right. It isn't fair but I don't think he really meant it. Unfortunately, being the wives we are in the line of fire when our husbands are upset about anything. Ignoring works best for me with my husband. I'm sure you know what works best for yours. I would wait to talk to him about how you feel when he calms down. I hope everything works out for you.
Last edited by shantina; 07-09-2009 at 08:53 AM..
Reason: left out a word
Oh, Musicbug, how awful to be called names and get mean texts without a goodbye.
Yes, you need support, but it sounds like your dh (let the d mean anything you want) is probably really frightened about his health, perhaps afraid he'll die soon or be really laid up for a while.
That's maybe the reason he was/is being a jerk to you but it's not the excuse. It helps you understand his behavior without saying it's right (because it's wrong!).
Right now, you need to make a decision on what you are going to do with is obnoxious behavior. You can answer it back with mean texts, similar behavior, withholding sex, the "silent treatment," spreading gossip (true or not) about him, calling him names, calling his mom names, bringing up past hurts and embarrassments.
Or you can find a time that he's quiet and willing to listen and just say, "Hey, hon, are you scared about this diagnosis? Can we talk about it? And talk about how we are going to manage to take care of our son and each other?" If he always becomes defensive, perhaps you need a third party there (you MIL, a counselor, a good friend from church).
When you married dh, you probably made a vow about caring for each other in sickness or in health. He's in sickness now. If "caring for in sickness" meant simply a bowl of homemade soup when he has a head cold, then it would be easy. But, "in sickness" can include the anger that accompanies a scary diagnosis or other bad health news. Get out of his way when he's being a jerk, and give sympathy and love when he's not being a jerk (or perhaps "being less of a jerk.")
Yes, you deserve to be treated like the princess you are, but you're not getting that right now. Sorry about that. Nothing we can do will change that.
I guess the bottom line is you need to make a decision on what your reaction to his obnoxious behavior is going to be...
Is this a rare thing, or does it happen often? If it's rare and due mostly to the health news, then being supportive and ignoring his rudeness is probably best. If it happens often, then maybe counseling or something like that would be the way to go. It also sounds like child care issues are bothering him, so maybe discussing that when things are calmer could help.
I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds but please don't send him any more mean texts. It won't help the situation at all, and ultimately it won't even help you feel better. Write down your mean thoughts on a piece of paper and then rip it up, or type them out and then delete it. Vent to us if you want, but wait until you're calm to speak/write to your DH again.
That said, I'm really sorry he treated you like that. That's so hurtful and you deserve none of it. I hope you and he can discuss things nicely very soon and get back on track again. Hang in there!
Are things better today? When DH and I get into an argument and fortunately its not often, I like to play the martyr role. I'm not saying its a good solution, but it usually does cause him to apologize to me first about his behavior, words, etc. I am assuming that by now, several hours later, his bad mood has died down and he is at least somewhat apologetic. I hope his health is OK.
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07-09-2009, 08:46 AM
