DH vent - ProTeacher Community




      
Home Join Now Search My Favorites
Help


      TEACHERS' LOUNGE ARCHIVE


DH vent

>

 
 
Thread Tools
musicbug's Avatar
musicbug musicbug is offline
 
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 4,031
Blog Entries: 16
Senior Member

musicbug
 
musicbug's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 4,031
Senior Member
DH vent
Old 07-09-2009, 08:46 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #1

My dear husband ( add tons of scarcasm) decided to be as hurtful as possible to me just because he got bad news about his health. I understand his frustration and anger, but it doesn't give him the right to tell me to hurry up and get fired all ready so I can take care of our son full time, OR to call me names. I'll admit that I have sent him several mean texts after he walked out of here to go to work with out so much as a good bye to me. Why can't he be supportive of me ever? It's hard enough waiting for a recall without this nonsense.


musicbug is offline  

shantina's Avatar
shantina shantina is offline
 
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 454
Senior Member

shantina
 
shantina's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 454
Senior Member

Old 07-09-2009, 08:52 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #2

You're right. It isn't fair but I don't think he really meant it. Unfortunately, being the wives we are in the line of fire when our husbands are upset about anything. Ignoring works best for me with my husband. I'm sure you know what works best for yours. I would wait to talk to him about how you feel when he calms down. I hope everything works out for you.

Last edited by shantina; 07-09-2009 at 08:53 AM.. Reason: left out a word
shantina is offline  
redmonkey's Avatar
redmonkey redmonkey is offline
 
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 2,142
Senior Member

redmonkey
 
redmonkey's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 2,142
Senior Member

Old 07-09-2009, 08:53 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #3

Sorry to hear your DH is taking out his feelings on you! You don't deserve that at all.

Maybe when he comes home from work he will apologize....
redmonkey is offline  
javamomma's Avatar
javamomma javamomma is offline
 
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 14,113
Senior Member

javamomma
 
javamomma's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 14,113
Senior Member
(((((hugs)))))))
Old 07-09-2009, 08:54 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #4

(((((hugs))))
javamomma is offline  
Alicia G's Avatar
Alicia G Alicia G is offline
 
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 4,198
Senior Member

Alicia G
 
Alicia G's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 4,198
Senior Member

Old 07-09-2009, 08:55 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #5

(((((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))) )))))))))))))))

Oh, Musicbug, how awful to be called names and get mean texts without a goodbye.

Yes, you need support, but it sounds like your dh (let the d mean anything you want) is probably really frightened about his health, perhaps afraid he'll die soon or be really laid up for a while.

That's maybe the reason he was/is being a jerk to you but it's not the excuse. It helps you understand his behavior without saying it's right (because it's wrong!).

Right now, you need to make a decision on what you are going to do with is obnoxious behavior. You can answer it back with mean texts, similar behavior, withholding sex, the "silent treatment," spreading gossip (true or not) about him, calling him names, calling his mom names, bringing up past hurts and embarrassments.

Or you can find a time that he's quiet and willing to listen and just say, "Hey, hon, are you scared about this diagnosis? Can we talk about it? And talk about how we are going to manage to take care of our son and each other?" If he always becomes defensive, perhaps you need a third party there (you MIL, a counselor, a good friend from church).

When you married dh, you probably made a vow about caring for each other in sickness or in health. He's in sickness now. If "caring for in sickness" meant simply a bowl of homemade soup when he has a head cold, then it would be easy. But, "in sickness" can include the anger that accompanies a scary diagnosis or other bad health news. Get out of his way when he's being a jerk, and give sympathy and love when he's not being a jerk (or perhaps "being less of a jerk.")

Yes, you deserve to be treated like the princess you are, but you're not getting that right now. Sorry about that. Nothing we can do will change that.

I guess the bottom line is you need to make a decision on what your reaction to his obnoxious behavior is going to be...


Alicia G is offline  
suzyteach's Avatar
suzyteach suzyteach is offline
 
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 7,099
Senior Member

suzyteach
 
suzyteach's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 7,099
Senior Member
More (((((hugs))))
Old 07-09-2009, 09:03 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #6

I agree with what Alicia G. said. You gotta pull on the big girl pants, and be the bigger man here.

It sucks, but he needs it, and will appreciate it (and will probably tell you later).

Love to you.
suzyteach is offline  
SC's Avatar
SC SC is offline
 
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 3,228
Senior Member

SC
 
SC's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 3,228
Senior Member

Old 07-09-2009, 09:04 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #7

Is this a rare thing, or does it happen often? If it's rare and due mostly to the health news, then being supportive and ignoring his rudeness is probably best. If it happens often, then maybe counseling or something like that would be the way to go. It also sounds like child care issues are bothering him, so maybe discussing that when things are calmer could help.

Hang in there.
SC is offline  
Zilly Zilly is offline
 
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,240
Senior Member

Zilly
 
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,240
Senior Member

Old 07-09-2009, 09:14 AM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #8

I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds but please don't send him any more mean texts. It won't help the situation at all, and ultimately it won't even help you feel better. Write down your mean thoughts on a piece of paper and then rip it up, or type them out and then delete it. Vent to us if you want, but wait until you're calm to speak/write to your DH again.

That said, I'm really sorry he treated you like that. That's so hurtful and you deserve none of it. I hope you and he can discuss things nicely very soon and get back on track again. Hang in there!
Zilly is offline  
BioAdoptMom3 BioAdoptMom3 is offline
 
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 71,351
Senior Member

BioAdoptMom3
 
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 71,351
Senior Member

Old 07-09-2009, 01:26 PM
 
Clip to ScrapBook #9

Are things better today? When DH and I get into an argument and fortunately its not often, I like to play the martyr role. I'm not saying its a good solution, but it usually does cause him to apologize to me first about his behavior, words, etc. I am assuming that by now, several hours later, his bad mood has died down and he is at least somewhat apologetic. I hope his health is OK.

Nancy
BioAdoptMom3 is offline  

Join the conversation! Post as a guest or become a member today. New members welcome!

 

 

>
TEACHERS' LOUNGE ARCHIVE
Thread Tools




Sign Up Now

Sign Up FREE | ProTeacher Help | BusyBoard

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 04:11 AM.


Copyright © 2019 ProTeacher®
For individual use only. Do not copy, reproduce or transmit.
source: www.proteacher.net