I am a regular poster on this site, but signed out in case people on here know me... I am just needing to vent a little bit...
About 3 months ago my father came out an told me he has been using crystal meth for the past 15 years. I was completely shocked. He has been highly functional, and works for his own company, making enough money so my mom has not had to work in about 12 years. I always took pride in the "fact" that i had the "perfect family"... married parents, a brother, and a dog.
This has been a real struggle for me, but even more so recently. Dad went through rehab, and is currently separated from my mom. My mom just got done passing 4 kidney stones. I feel like I have become the caretaker in the family and I am feeling downright drained.
I found out yesterday that after going about 90 days clean my dad relapsed. I haven't been angry with him until now, and I'm having a hard time dealing with my own feelings. I don't trust him at this point, and that makes me so sad... he's my daddy...
ugh. I just needed to talk about it a little... thought it might help me feel better.
My own situation is different, but I have also dealt with the fact that things weren't the way they seemed in our family. It's really hard to deal with parents who aren't what you thought they were, and it can be emotionally draining. What helped me the most was counseling, good friends, self-help books, and prayer. While it's good to help out where you can, remember to take care of yourself too. In my own situation, I had to distance myself from my dad because I was upset all the time, and it was really taking a toll on me and my own family. I feel much better now, although the sadness is still there. PM me if you need to talk more. Hang in there!
All I can say is, sorry you are going through this right now!! Try to not be too bad at your dad as it won't accomplish much but bring you down further ~ recognize his addiction as a disease and not a choice. Yes, it was a choice to start, but addictions are strong and hard to shake ~ hence, they become more of a disease!
Take a deep breath and remember to take some time for yourself ~ even if just for an afternoon.
Hang in there! You have every right not to trust your dad, however, he's been at this for 15 years so it may take him awhile.
I know what it's like to live with an addict -- my brother is an addict and so was my little sister. (She's clean now -- so it is doable. And she was addicted to crack -- used for years, including during her pregnancy!)
If you have a close friend to confide in who won't judge you, you're going to need it. Feel free to vent here. Many people know what you are going through.
Just think about him making the step in the right direction! Things aren't always as they seem to be. People have all kinds of secrets and deal with them in their own way. I would be devistated also if I found out the things you recently have. Just know that you have so many people out there who care for you. If he's gone into rehab once, he can do it again. Just keep praying and have positive thoughts!
15 years on crystal meth and no one knew?? That is really something. Even your mother did not know?
I agree that you need to take care of yourself first. How old is your brother? If he is younger, be sure to be there for him. I'm sure this is very difficult for him too.
People do relapse, but that doesn't mean he can't get back on the wagon and try again. I will say a prayer for you and the other members of your family. Take care!
keep in mind that it's a really good thing that your dad "confessed" and has chosen, on his own, to get sober---that's a HUGE step! (and many addicts to not get clean on their first attempt). continue to love and support him.
I have learned that all families have some level of dysfunction. After all, we are all human beings. We are prone to make mistakes and have to learn things the heard way. It is very difficult when someone you love and look up to, lets you down like this. Hang in there, your PT friends will be praying for your family.
I'm on the same page as RAD, 15 years on crystal meth and no one knew?? Even your mother did not know? How'd he keep that a secret? How did he explain any physical changes in his appearance?
Be sure that this too shall pass; it's just a matter of time. In the meantime, stay prayerful and ask for strength. I can only imagine the toll it's having on you. I'll keep you in my prayers.
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07-13-2009, 09:20 AM
