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opinions wanted bar behavior
Old 07-30-2021, 02:21 PM
  #1

I want to know what you think of this altercation. I will post later to tell you the outcome.

I stop for drinks with my dd. Not a restaurant with a bar in it, but a bona fide bar.

My dd tends to use colorful language, like many her age. We were chatting.

A woman was there with her young daughter, maybe 8-10 years old. She was not right next to us, so she would have to have been eavesdropping to hear our conversation.

She complained to the bartender about my dd cussing.

What do you think should happen?


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Old 07-30-2021, 02:24 PM
  #2

I don't think the 8-10 year old should have been in a bar. Hopefully that's what the bartender said to the woman!
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Old 07-30-2021, 02:24 PM
  #3

What do I think should happen? I think mommy dearest shouldíve kept her young children out of a bar, for starters. The fact that she had the nerve to complain about hearing someone cuss in a bar makes her a subtype of Karen I donít think anyone has ever seen before.
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Old 07-30-2021, 02:26 PM
  #4

IMO, that woman and her young daughter should have been asked to leave. In my state children under 21 are not allowed in a bar unless they serve food, and then only until 10:00.
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Old 07-30-2021, 02:28 PM
  #5

The woman with the child needed to leave. Your and your DD were having a private conversation. She was wrong.


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Old 07-30-2021, 02:30 PM
  #6

If it's a bar, why is a kid there?

Anyway, I wouldn't complain about someone cussing and I wouldn't expect the bartender to do anything about it. But I don't like having to hear people's "colorful language" all the time.

Quote:
She was not right next to us, so she would have to have been eavesdropping to hear our conversation.
Not really. Likely your DD was just loud enough that everyone around could hear her.
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Old 07-30-2021, 02:34 PM
  #7

I canít imagine that an 8 yr old has not heard cussing before. I think it is none of the womanís business and she should move if she is uncomfortable with the conversation.
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Imho...
Old 07-30-2021, 02:38 PM
  #8

I agree that the child should not have been in the bar.

However, I also think you daughter should not use colorful language in public places. If she was my daughter, I would have asked her to curb her language before the complaint happened.
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Old 07-30-2021, 02:56 PM
  #9

I'm with ConnieWI.


I don't wish to hear "colorful language" in public or private settings, no matter what age.
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Old 07-30-2021, 02:57 PM
  #10

Well, I wouldn't necessarily say that a kid shouldn't ever be in a bar. In Wisconsin, there are taverns about every 5 miles and many people take kids along if they're just going to stop in for an hour or so. It wasn't a regular thing, but my daughter sometimes came with me if I was going to meet friends/colleagues at a tavern for a while.

However, please show me an 8-year-old that hasn't heard vulgar language. People who think their kids have never heard cussing have simply never supervised playground duty! There's a 50-50 chance that a 10-year-old has said most of the words she heard.

I would only object to someone cussing in a bar if they were cussing at my 8-10 year old. I assumed, when I took my daughter into a bar, that she would hear vulgar language. To be honest, she didn't hear anything there that she wouldn't hear at home. I, myself, can be a pottymouth when I'm on my own time and I make no apologies for it.

ETA: I do agree that there are situations where people should refrain from cussing in public, though. If it's an event aimed at kids, then people should clean up their language.


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Old 07-30-2021, 02:58 PM
  #11

It's a huge pet peeve of mine when people bring their kids to non-kid friendly places, and then expect everyone around them to change their behavior to turn it into a kid-friendly place because they brought a kid in. The woman had no business bringing her child to a bar if she didn't want her to hear any cussing.

Back in my first teaching location, the staff would go to happy hour together most Fridays. My first year there, it was just one teacher who would bring her kid, and then would get annoyed that the conversation wasn't always kid-friendly. Call me a grinch, but either you get a sitter or you don't go to happy hour. That's part of what you signed up for in being a parent!

The next year, many of the staff had babies and people started bringing them! Even though I didn't really have a social life in that location outside of work (very isolated place) I largely quit going to the happy hours because I didn't want to spend the whole time ooing and aahing over every little thing someone's baby does. I know the same thing happens on my current staff and that's why I never go.

ETA: Also totally agree that the kid hears everything on the playground, and has likely said most of the words herself.
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Regardless of what people think is
Old 07-30-2021, 03:32 PM
  #12

Acceptable behavior the responsibility falls on the adult bringing the kid to the bar.
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Old 07-30-2021, 04:55 PM
  #13

Karen needs to take her child to an appropriate venue perhaps a restaurant or McDonalds. Most conversations in a bar aren't kid friendly.
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Old 07-30-2021, 05:20 PM
  #14

I agree with most PPs: I don’t think it is acceptable for a child to be in a “bona fide bar.” I think adults need to make adult choices: if you really must go to a bar, make other (appropriate!) arrangements for your child—otherwise (and I know this is incomprehensible to many adults) stay home!

JMO, I’ll bet she made a stink about your DD’s language to ameliorate her own guilt for taking her child into a “bona fide bar.”

I also think that it’s not my job to police the language of others. I think the mother needs to use opportunities like this to discuss levels of language with her daughter. Privately.
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Old 07-30-2021, 05:27 PM
  #15

Our kids have been to bars with us sometimes (pre COVID) and they hear what they hear. It is on me to tell them those are not words they repeat or to teach them when it is okay to use those words. Who among us hasn't say "Sh!t" when they stub their toes or whatever? Kids hear it. They are only words with the power we give them.

That Karen was way out of line.
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Bar situation
Old 07-30-2021, 05:59 PM
  #16

Here are my thoughts:

A) I personally don't think a kid that age should be in a bona fide bar.

B) I use colorful language A LOT, but not in public/around people I don't know. If I were to notice children present, I would not be using colorful language. If I were your daughter, I would be curbing my language regardless.

C) If I was bothered by the language, I would be disgusted, but I wouldn't say anything to the bartender.

I see on your update that the bartender had the lady leave and comped your drinks. Personally, I'm glad he asked the lady and child to leave, but I don't think anything happened that warranted you getting drinks comped...but that's nice!
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Old 07-30-2021, 07:56 PM
  #17

I don't think she should have taken her daughter into a bar. I also don't think people need to use bad language outside of the home, but they do, so she shouldn't have been surprised.

I also don't think it's polite to refer to people as Karens in a negative way.
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Old 07-31-2021, 02:10 AM
  #18

I do not like cussing in public either, but I feel like bars and nightclubs are an exception. Itís not the same type of public as a restaurant or a library. People are drinking and letting loose. Itís the reason bars exist. As long as they arenít cursing at specific people or fighting, I donít have any problems with it.

I donít like to hear it at Target or the zoo, though.


Mom needed to leave her child at home.
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Old 07-31-2021, 06:08 AM
  #19

Inappropriate language anywhere is an individual choice however when it offends others it's time to take personal responsibility. The cussing was obviously loud enough to be heard. I'd ask my daughter to quiet down. The fact that the woman and child are there is not my problem My daughter's language was loud enough to be heard by others. There were other adults in there who may be offended as well. The attempt to dismiss correction by shaming someone else would not pass my mom radar and if my dd insisted on doing so I'd leave.
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Old 07-31-2021, 07:04 AM
  #20

I would feel that way anywhere but a bar or nightclub or perhaps a Dave and Busters on a loud and busy night.

I wouldnít find doing shots acceptable at a bookstore. I wouldnít find dirty dancing and grinding okay at the zoo. I wouldnít like to smell someoneís meal at the library. All those things would make me very uncomfortable.

I am of the opinion that different environments have differing expectations of what is acceptable and what is not. There are places where more colorful language and behaviors are acceptable and places they are not acceptable, regardless of personal choice. The same rules just donít apply everywhere, and I feel drinking alcohol and cussing are both acceptable in a bar whilst being unacceptable most other places.
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Old 07-31-2021, 09:28 AM
  #21

I had to google because I had no idea some states allow kids in bars!

The parent was out of line expecting behavior in a bar to be kid friendly. That said, I wouldn't want to hear the "colorful language " either so I'd probably move or leave if it was loud enough to bother.
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Old 07-31-2021, 10:38 AM
  #22

The mom was ridiculous to take a child into a bar and have the gall to complain about language. However, it seems extreme that the owner kicked her and her child out of the bar. There has to be more to that. Did he kick them out because he felt the child should not be in there due to the age, or has this woman been a problem in the past?

I canít imagine this complaint alone would warrant that extreme of an action. If it was just that, I would have just told the lady that it is a bar and left it at that.
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Eavesdropping
Old 07-31-2021, 10:38 AM
  #23

I think the idea that she was eavesdropping on a conversation is rude. If she had her own conversation going on with her child, she wouldn't have any idea what was being said in your conversation.
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Old 07-31-2021, 05:59 PM
  #24

She was absolutely in the wrong. I am surprised they allowed her to be in the bar with a child!

Nancy
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