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Sister issue: Do I call her out?
Old 04-20-2019, 06:14 PM
  #1

My folks just moved 30 minutes from me. They had lived 3 hours opposite directions from my sister and I for 30 years. Dadís health is getting worse so they needed to move closer to DS or me.

They chose to move closer to us, as opposed to DS for more affordable housing, better weather and frankly my sister is a hot mess.

My parents had a nice home built and moved in a week ago. My sister has not asked ONE question about their new home, if theyíre happy, etc. She is pouting because they moved here and not there.

We will all be together next weekend (doesnít happen often) and my parents donít want me to bring the house up to not ďrock the boatĒ. Iím annoyed at my sister (2 years older by the way) for not inquiring once in 6 months about this huge change for our parents, who have supported my sister big time in her 52 years of life!

What to do...bite my tongue or say something?


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Old 04-20-2019, 06:17 PM
  #2

I would respect your parentsí wishes and not say anything for now. Maybe talk to her privately afterwards.
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Old 04-20-2019, 06:39 PM
  #3

I think she's responsible for her behavior and at this point should know how to politely converse. When everyone is together I would model it for her by asking your parents lots of questions. I'd be curious to see if she joins in and listens genuinely or not. If she doesn't, maybe you could say something later like, "This was such a big step for mom and dad to move. I know they need some extra support right now."
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Old 04-20-2019, 06:40 PM
  #4

Don't bring it up. Do you expect an apology or changed behavior from your sister? It sounds most likely mentioning your sister's lack of concern about your parents would only serve to stir up ill-will and do little to improve your family relationships.

You will need your sister's help as your parents age so take the high road and welcome her to your parents home when she visits. Life is too short to focus on the negative. Your mom and dad are right. Don't mention negative past behavior to your sister.
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Old 04-20-2019, 06:44 PM
  #5

I wouldn't say a thing. She's going yo have to accept it. She'll get over 8t eventually!


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Old 04-20-2019, 06:56 PM
  #6

My sister-in-law is still pouting we moved my MIL to assisted living here with us--by MIL's request. And that was in 2013 and she died in 2014.

I say, bite your tongue. She can get glad in the same pants she got mad in. It is her relationship with your parents. You can't manage it.
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Old 04-20-2019, 06:58 PM
  #7

I echo everyone else's comments.
Bite your tongue and leave it be.
No good will come from purposefully calling her out.
Plus your parents will be caught in the fallout.
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Old 04-20-2019, 07:15 PM
  #8

Bite your tongue if you can. I suspect there will be many fights down the road.

You might want to talk with your parents about there future legal needs and who should do what.
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Old 04-20-2019, 11:06 PM
  #9

You've gotten good advice and your inclination to "bite your tongue" is a good one. The only thing I would add is to gloss over them being closer to you by emphasizing that they moved for better weather.

Your parents made the right choice moving near the child who will be in a position to help them, not the other way around.

You have every right to be annoyed, but don't let that risk making a difficult situation with your sibling even more difficult.

It gets very hard to navigate sibling relationships as mom and dad need more help. It's never an "even" situation. I have to keep reminding myself that my goal is keeping a relationship with my siblings, not right fighting. It's hard!
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Old 04-21-2019, 04:19 AM
  #10

I would respect your parents' wishes and not say anything.

I'm sorry you have to deal with a difficult sister. I have one too, and things are always complicated and draining with her.


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Old 04-21-2019, 04:45 AM
  #11

Continue to support your parents and let your sister be the one to deal with her own opinions and feelings about the past and future decisions your parents have made and will make.

Keltikmom had a good suggestion about making sure future needs/care/will specifics, etc of your parents are covered legally, especially if you think this sister might cause trouble in the future. I'm willing to predict that she will suddenly become "interested" in your parents' house, etc. once they pass away.


I hope my siblings don't act this way with my parents once they get on in years.
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Ok, good advice
Old 04-21-2019, 02:14 PM
  #12

Iím just really disappointed in my sisterís immaturity. She really wanted them to move to her location. She hasnít worked outside the home (hasnít needed to) for 30 years and I think she wants to feel needed since her kids are grown and donít need her.

I do have to stay cordial with her since weíre vacationing with her family this summer. Maybe my folks will say something but I wonít!
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Old 04-21-2019, 02:45 PM
  #13

Quote:
She hasnít worked outside the home (hasnít needed to) for 30 years and I think she wants to feel needed since her kids are grown and donít need her.
That right there says a lot. You're doing the right thing not saying anything. On top of what you said, she's probably feeling hurt like she wasn't "chosen" although it sounds like there were other factors involved.

Your sister needs support as well as your parents. If there's anything she can do from where she lives, give her that opportunity. Like your parents requested, don't bring it up.
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