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In a funk...Changes...
Old 05-13-2019, 05:08 PM
  #1

I feel like I'm in this funk and like teetering on the edge of cracking. My oldest graduates high school in less than 2 weeks and will leave for college in August. He's not going very far. His last show choir and chorale concert are this week and next. IT LITERALLY has JUST hit me this past weekend that this is really happening. It's like I've been blocking it out or something.

At the same time my dd going into high school next year has decided not to continue travel soccer and just go with school sports. We spent lots of time together doing practices and traveling etc for years. and that will be no more. You know, any time you can get a 13 year old trapped in the car with you for 3 hours 3 days a week it's like forced quality time. I really enjoyed that.

I know they're on to other things and that's the goal of life and I've always raised them to be super independent. I'm not sure why I'm feeling such as sense of loss right now of things coming to an end. I am NOT a helicopter parent. I mean I've been totally moming and working for the last 18 years with kids who do everything, so I guess it's going to be a little shift. I may just be losing my mind....who knows. I guess it's also that I've been my kids sole participating parent for the last 10 years so I have literally put everything towards that.

My youngest doesn't fly for 4 more years so you would think I'd be okay with this. I'm really feeling like some kind of emotional weirdo.


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Old 05-13-2019, 05:24 PM
  #2

Sending hugs, big warm hugs. Parenting is so hard. And as much as we know we need to let go, as much as weíve raised them to be independent...itís so hard to let go.
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Old 05-13-2019, 05:34 PM
  #3

That was a tough time for me, too. I really had to work to learn to rediscover who I was without kids.
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Old 05-13-2019, 05:51 PM
  #4

My only child graduates this Saturday. She will be staying home next year to work, but then will go out of state the following year. I thought I was ok with it since she's staying home, but today she brought home her cap and gown. That's when it really hit me. Since our schools are connected, we've ridden together for 13 years. After Wednesday, I'll be driving solo from now on. :-(
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Old 05-13-2019, 05:54 PM
  #5

Mine gets his cap and gown Wednesday. I'm glad y'all aren't saying I'm some kind of loser freak. Thank you for the commiseration.

I guess I'll have to work over the next 4 years while I still have dd at home to figure out what to do. I've never had a hobby as an adult. I literally went from college to having ds the beginning of my first year of teaching and full speed ahead since then.


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Old 05-13-2019, 05:56 PM
  #6

Those are huge transitions! I'm realizing that when my kids stop intense activities like that not only are they losing their activity, but I'm losing the community that goes with it. And it also leaves that hole of "what are we actually going to do?" I think you get in such a routine where weekends and weeknights are filled, and it is a huge lifestyle shift when they aren't any more.


But, on the other hand, you will find more time to rediscover yourself! Which can be a bit scary but is also so wonderful. You're not an emotional weirdo, just a great mom who is experiencing a big and somewhat unknown transition.
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Old 05-13-2019, 06:01 PM
  #7

Its not weird. Anytime our kids finished something we had been doing for a long time, I also felt that sense of loss. Its been over 3 years for DD and I still miss all the rec and travel softball games. (((HUGS)))

Nancy
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Old 05-13-2019, 06:27 PM
  #8

I totally get it. My DS1 is in a program at our community college where he will get his BS degree from another school but all the courses are held at the community college. It is an outreach program to get more rural kids into engineering. He got his second associates degree by default (with the coursework he has to take it automatically covers an associates and he already had another). I cried and he isnít going anywhere. DS2 will be a junior in HS next year but decided to go to the college full time also. Having a hard time with that too.

It is totally normal. Hugs
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Old 05-13-2019, 06:33 PM
  #9

You're not a nut. You will experience many unexpected sadnesses this summer as things proceed toward change. I cried the last time I went grocery shopping (in the milk aisle) before my son left for college because I didn't know how much milk to buy without him (without him!) Totally took me by surprise.

Anyway, after he left, when I dug down to the base of the sad, sad, sad feelings, it was that "it will never be the same again". Now when he comes home it isn't all that different, and there are lots of great things to look forward to, but I found it to be the hardest before he actually left for college. After he left I was embarrassed by how easy it was to get used to.

Hugs to you!
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Old 05-13-2019, 07:48 PM
  #10

It's hard!!!! I totally get how you're feeling. Although my three DS's are all grown and out of the house, that feeling of them leaving is tough, especially with your first one! Hang in there and know that what you're feeling is totally normal! Sending hugs!


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It's hard
Old 05-13-2019, 11:48 PM
  #11

When my DS was in HS, as a Junior he switched from soccer to football.

He'd been doing soccer FOREVER. It was a huge adjustment! I mean, I had been on the sidelines with the same people forever! But I adjusted lol.
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Old 05-14-2019, 02:19 AM
  #12

I think what you are feeling is totally normal :-) Change is hard and even though we raise our kids to be independent, when they leave it causes lots of emotion. I only had my twins, and it was rough for me when they left for college. Starting about August 1st that summer I could be found crying in random places, including the grocery store.

I will say that I got used to them being gone much faster than I thought I would. Within about 4 weeks I was doing ok and learn to really enjoy my empty nest overall. It's been 6 years now.
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Old 05-14-2019, 04:34 AM
  #13

My first is leaving for college this fall. It sounds like all this is very normal. And, from parents I've talked with, there comes a point where they come home and you are ready (maybe VERY ready) for them to leave again.

It is an adventure.
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Old 05-14-2019, 07:03 AM
  #14

I think it's totally normal. A part of it would have hit with your DS going off to college but I think when combined with your DD deciding to play sports at school instead of for her travel club. I think there's a recognition that things are going to change next year in more than one way. It's normal to grieve----and I don't mean that in the serious sense but it is a sense of loss for a change.
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I loved when my
Old 05-14-2019, 04:16 PM
  #15

Only kid moved 10 hours away to go to college! We are super close and I remember everyone asking me if I was ok when he left. Heck yes.

Fast forward 4 years. He is home on summer break, finishing school and I love having him home temporarily.

Enjoy some of the freedom youíre going to have. I wouldn't change a thing!
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Old 05-14-2019, 05:05 PM
  #16

Most moms go through this emotional rollercoaster. I remember the first time I realized how much more quiet the house was. I was down for awhile but now I relish my freedom to come and go as I please
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