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update on stepdaughter pics
Old 10-17-2019, 10:14 AM
  #1

So I come here to talk about life and such. We have a lot of fun here.

I titled my post "Please don't hate me" because I know that this is a touchy topic.

I don't know how to delete the post so I wanted to do an update.

I feel worse coming here and posting my situation.


I am a stepdaughter as many of you are. I'm not her adoptive mom. I am/was her stepmom. She has made that clear in the past many years although she still calls me mom--mainly out of habit.

She said that she's moving to California and will only miss about 3 people.

She excludes her brother and sister from things. Her brother (15) has asked her to do many things together and she won't go. She says she's too busy or it would be awkward.

She and her sister are no where near close.



I have given this girl many years of love support, hard times and she has given the same.



I have thought about what my kids would feel if they were excluded from a photo shoot with their dad and dad girlfriend and her daughter. They wouldn't be in it. But that's a different post for another time.



I have invited her to the photo shoot. I have asked her if she was going to be around that day as it's a Saturday because I like the idea of getting a pic of them before she leaves.



I told my other 2 that I don't know if their sister will be there and they both said probably not.

So I have extended the time to her.



It was very hard to put this out there on here.

However a few people made me feel worse than I already felt.

Some people gave me great advice that I'm going to take.



I was never given the opportunity to adopt her as her mom is still in the pic but she only comes around when she wants. So StepDD has learned to only get close to certain people. She and I have NEVER been close.





So, thank you to those who gave great advice. I appreciate it. For those who I feel made me feel like the fairty tale stepmom. Thanks!


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Old 10-17-2019, 10:40 AM
  #2

She is a kid youíre the adult, all kids push to test boundaries itís our jobs as parents to just continue to love and support. If she was older I would totally understand. All you had to do was invite her and leave it at that and do different poses like someone suggested. I hope you find peace.
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Old 10-17-2019, 11:26 AM
  #3

It sounds like an unpleasant situation and a difficult relationship, but as the adult, you have to expect that she will act like an 18 year old.



Quote:
So I have extended the time to her.
Sounds like a good solution.



Quote:
I titled my post "Please don't hate me" because I know that this is a touchy topic.

I don't know how to delete the post so I wanted to do an update.
Why delete? I went back to read the original post. I didn't see any hate or even anything rude, just differing opinions.
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Old 10-17-2019, 11:49 AM
  #4

I DO feel you had opposing opinions, and I’m sorry that you felt badly.

One, we cannot change HOW we feel. Two, no one else understands our own family dynamics. Three, some people really did have a “Leave it to Beaver” family life, like my husband (and I am blessed with great in-laws the second time around) or much simpler family dynamics.

It really sounds like you listened to everyone and made the best decision possible.
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Old 10-17-2019, 12:00 PM
  #5

I think as moms or stepmoms we do the best we can for our kids. Sometimes it is not appreciated in the moment or even at all. You are an amazing woman and I hope that your pictures will turn out great.


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Old 10-17-2019, 04:03 PM
  #6

I think you got some very rough responses from some posters. It seems to me that unless it's the political board, , people might want to scroll on by if they want to be that mean or offer some kind of solution.

Maybe you could delete the message by going to the edit button at the bottom of your post and simply delete all the words. The title will still remain and of course all the answers, but so what?

However, I found the entire post to be very informative. I find it interesting to see how others feel about situations, and how to post advice versus post criticism. Something to watch out for.
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Old 10-17-2019, 04:11 PM
  #7

I didn't post on your earlier thread, but I read it all at the time. I did think some were harsh, but speaking truthfully and from the heart. Most, I believe, actually were very kind in their responses, because I could "feel" the emotion behind their words and I still thought, that even though you might not have liked what they had to say they tried to say it in a gentle way. I will say that I haven't gone back to see if the posts started going downhill, as they sometimes do on PT. I actually despise it when something has been said, been said more than once and it becomes a dogpile. If that happened, I am truely sorry.

I think you made the best choice. I am happy that you were able to go past your inner feelings and do something to set a great example. I don't know whether she will show up- but you should be able to sleep knowing you are doing the right thing. I hope that gives you peace.
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Old 10-18-2019, 08:59 AM
  #8

Thank you for all your support.
I appreciate the private messages and the advice. I just don't think she will show up but who knows.



I will post pics after we get them. My son is going to wear flannel and us girls are going to wear the colors in his flannel. I'm excited about the pics.


Have a good weekend all!
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