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Do you say "Thank You" to your SO?
Old 10-15-2019, 05:49 AM
  #1

Do you tell your significant other "thank you" when they do something around the house? For example, I do 99% of the housework, cooking, cleaning laundry etc. and my DH never says "thank you" It's not a huge deal UNTIL he does something around the house (unload the dishwasher) and he gets angry that I don't tell him thanks....am I being unreasonable or is he being a baby?


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Old 10-15-2019, 06:01 AM
  #2

Same thing happens here. After many years (28) it is better. Not that he does more, we just don't fight over it.

He always comes in to report when he swept the garage and waits like I should say something. . When he does that I start with the things I did. Usually 5-10 in the time he did one thing.
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Old 10-15-2019, 06:11 AM
  #3

I do say thank you to my spouse.

Last edited by GraceKrispy; 10-15-2019 at 11:12 PM..
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Thank you
Old 10-15-2019, 06:13 AM
  #4

That was us in the early days. He came from a family where everything was done for him. Now that weíve been married for 34 years, the work is more divided up (still not equally...) and he does say thank you more often.

I have always said thank you for anything he did/does.
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Old 10-15-2019, 06:20 AM
  #5

Now that I think about it, my DH probably says thanks more than I do. I guess I should step it up.


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Old 10-15-2019, 06:34 AM
  #6

Quote:
I say thank you a lot, but he dies a fair amount.
Iíd be thanking him for coming back from the dead, too.

Seriously, I was taught to be quick with thank-yous. I know my husband liked being thanked and told he was appreciated. No, he didnít thank me for every dinner or load of laundry, but it never really mattered to me. Now that heís gone, I wish I could thank him for more. This week Iím having trouble with the ice maker....
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I do
Old 10-15-2019, 07:01 AM
  #7

I have found that when I thank him, he is more willing to pitch in.
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I often say thank you
Old 10-15-2019, 07:06 AM
  #8

to my husband for the house hold tasks he completes. He does not return the favor often by saying thank you. But last night he knew I was tired from housework so he offered to go get us take out for dinner. So he does notice what I do, he just has a different way of saying thank you.
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Old 10-15-2019, 07:39 AM
  #9

Nope. He doesn't expect a thank you for doing yard work or all the cooking. I don't expect a thank you for cleaning and laundry.

If he goes above and beyond what's "normal" then I'll say thank you. I appreciate his support and knowing I need help.
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Old 10-15-2019, 07:42 AM
  #10

Quote:
. Iíd be thanking him for coming back from the dead, too.
. That's what I get for trying to post on my phone. I really need physical keyboards


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thanks
Old 10-15-2019, 07:47 AM
  #11

After 50 years my husband often mentions that he didn't thank me for doing all that laundry, cooking meals, shopping, cleaning etc etc. He feels bad that his mom is no longer alive and he can't thank her either. DH has picked up a major load when the surgeries zapped my energy and messed up other health issues.

I do try to be appreciative and voice it for even the small things.
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Old 10-15-2019, 07:51 AM
  #12

My SO and I tell each other that we appreciate each other on a pretty regular basis. We know how hard the other works.

I think it's kind and so thoughtful when SOs/spouses show and tell appreciate to their partners WITHOUT it having to solely be a holiday, birthday, etc. People should do it.

Hammy6714, oh hell no. Why in the heck are you doing 99% of the chores?! Stop it. That will show him that if it wasn't for you that the house will go to shambles. Also, the fact that he does 1 little thing and wants praise is immature, ridiculous, and partly narcissistic (if not more) on his part. Actually, he's probably a full-blown narcissist because if he doesn't appreciate you, yet wants praise for doing 1 little thing around the house, he's probably not this kind, loving, supportive, empathetic, humble guy regarding other aspects in life. Not to mention that a kind husband wouldn't want his wife "breaking her back" doing all the work.

Last edited by MAsped; 10-15-2019 at 08:41 AM..
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Old 10-15-2019, 08:00 AM
  #13

My DH would almost always say "Thanks for the wonderful dinner" etc. and so when my future son-in-law would come over for dinner, I would get so angry when he would just get up after dinner and not say a word. I finally exploded one evening and told him so and to this day.....he never forgets to say thank you. I guess it boils down to how people were raised and if you never tell him/her how you feel....nothing will change. I'd tell your SO that he needs to express his gratitude a bit more.
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Question
Old 10-15-2019, 08:23 AM
  #14

Why are you doing 99 percent of the housework? It sounds like the dynamic between you and DH is a bit unhealthy.
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Old 10-15-2019, 08:28 AM
  #15

We both thank each other.
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Old 10-15-2019, 09:02 AM
  #16

Yes we both say it every now and then. It sounds like you have a man baby on your hands. If you both had the practice of thank you then he would rightfully expect it from you.
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Old 10-15-2019, 09:21 AM
  #17

I do most of the housework due to the hours that DH works....he goes to work earlier than I do and gets home later than I do....so if something needs to get done i.e. laundry, it falls into my hands.
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Old 10-15-2019, 10:02 AM
  #18

I am not sure we exactly thank each other, but we do compliment each other's work. I might tell him how nice the car looks after he cleans it. He will mention it is really nice that all the laundry is done when he knows I worked catching up or tell me how much he enjoyed a meal I made. Nothing big, but we have been married for 36 years.
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Old 10-15-2019, 11:14 AM
  #19

We thank each other regularly. If I notice he has cleaned the microwave I thank him. After he cuts the grass I tell him it looks nice and thank him. He thanks me for getting the groceries, emptying the dishwasher etc...I
Your husband should thank you more often.
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thanks
Old 10-15-2019, 11:28 AM
  #20

Quote:
My SO and I tell each other that we appreciate each other on a pretty regular basis. We know how hard the other works.
Yes, we do this as well. We both do housework, we often cook together or take turns cooking, and just now DH put in a big load of his laundry that I will probably fold and put away later.

Quote:
he gets angry that I don't tell him thanks....am I being unreasonable or is he being a baby?
I understand how you feel, because you should not have to thank him each time he does something that he probably considers "women's work."

Quote:
Why in the heck are you doing 99% of the chores?! Stop it.
Great advice! I don't know what generation you are, but if you are not from the "Silent Generation" (born before 1946), and if both of you have full-time jobs, you should expect to share the chores equally.
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Old 10-15-2019, 11:47 AM
  #21

I do say thank you when he does something (such as the lawn or blowing off the front porch and sidewalk). He will thank me too (grocery shopping, yard work, taking care of the banking/bills). Not for every little thing.

I think what's more important to him is showing me any projects he is working on in the garage. He absolutely LOVES acknowledgment about those.

I do want to add I especially get thanks at dinner time. He loves my cooking.
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Saying thank you...
Old 10-15-2019, 03:01 PM
  #22

Showing gratitude is one of the most important things in a relationship. This might be expressed with a “thank you”, a hug, etc. My mother has always told me that saying “thank you” is one of the key components to her successful 45 year (and counting!) marriage to my father.
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Old 10-15-2019, 03:26 PM
  #23

i do. he is retired and does mostly everything. i say thank you a lot.
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Old 10-15-2019, 03:35 PM
  #24

Quote:
Do you tell your significant other "thank you" when they do something around the house?
Oh, yes all of the time and he thanks me for little things during the day. If our house was ever bugged the listeners would think we're the most formal couple imaginable. I think we're just grateful to have eachother!
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Old 10-15-2019, 03:35 PM
  #25

I do thank my husband for doing things we have typically considered my jobs, or shared jobs. Anytime he does something he considers a help to me, I thank him. Sometimes the words are not "thank you" but in that case I make it clear that I appreciate him and what he does for us.
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Old 10-15-2019, 04:31 PM
  #26

My husband does what he can when he's in town to help. He shows his love that way. I do thank him. He thanks me too. As long as he has some food and some sex, he's good to go.
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Old 10-15-2019, 05:13 PM
  #27

I say thank you a when DH does things around the house. He lets me know when he gets something done so I say thank you. I rarely get a thank you for doing the same things much more often. For instance, DH does the dishes (a few days after being asked) and I say thank you. I do all his laundry - nothing. I also do most of the work around the house, and am more than willing to pick up slack when DH has a lot going on. It rarely gets reciprocated.

I am working on the right words to say/way to say something that will let him know how exhausted and frustrated I am from this dynamic. Guess I needed to vent a bit! Glad to know it's not just us!
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Old 10-16-2019, 05:51 AM
  #28

Yes!!! I am looking for the right words to tell my husband this as well....I guess I'm just frustrated that I don't ever get a Thank You for all the things I do!
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Old 10-16-2019, 11:42 AM
  #29

That's how we are, too!
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Old 10-16-2019, 12:53 PM
  #30

Yes, we do thank each other. Lately my husband has been working ungodly hours (like 14-16 hours a day 6 days a week) so Iíve really been bearing the brunt of all house work. I even try to do little things to make his life easier For example, I make sure the coffee maker has water in it and his cup is right by it ready to go. He has noticed and thanks me all the time. His appreciation makes me more than happy to do these things for him and to deal with all household responsibilities.

When I had our babies he really stepped up and took over 80-90% of the household work for the first 3 months or so. I was so tired I would cry as I thanked him daily.
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Old 10-16-2019, 02:16 PM
  #31

We thank each other for doing things. He does a lot around the house and I thank him a lot and always show appreciation for him.
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Old 10-16-2019, 02:17 PM
  #32

No, we donít thank each other. We both live here, so it is both of our jobs to keep the house presentable.
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Old 10-16-2019, 03:22 PM
  #33

My DH says thanks constantly and it drives me crazy.

For one, I don't want to have to remember to reciprocate. But also, I don't think I should be thanked for doing basic tasks because they're just what Ido. Aand when he specifically thanks me for washing dishes or brushing the dog or parking the car in the garage, it makes me feel like he thinks he's noticing something out of the ordinary and it needs acknowledgement.

I realize this is my 100% my issue but I just want to yell, "Stop thanking me!" sometimes.
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Thank you
Old 10-17-2019, 05:16 AM
  #34

I didn't get into the habit of it until he said something to me one day about not appreciating what he does. It never occurred to me to say thanks for doing things around the house when he lives there, too. I wouldn't thank a roommate for doing it either.

That said, since it does mean a lot to him, I started being conscious about saying it. I think it's just a personality trait, but I also admit that when he thanks me it does feel good. I don't "need" it, but I like that he notices.
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