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Niece's wedding
Old 11-16-2007, 08:50 PM
 
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My 24 year old niece is engaged to a wonderful guy. She met him at church 2 years ago, and I'm just thrilled for her.

Niece is planning to be married in May, but I'm not sure if the wedding is going to happen or not. Niece and I are real close, and she told me that her parents(divorced & both remarried) are causing her so many problems that she's thinking of just eloping. She says that the only thing that matters is that she and her fiance become husband and wife. I agree with her that the only thing that matters is getting married. But I also don't think she should have to elope and give up her dreams of a nice wedding because my sister and her exhusband are being so selfish and only thinking of themselves. I know if her parents weren't causing all this stress, that niece would definitely want the big church wedding that she's always wanted.

Little things my niece has told me just make me feel like yelling at my Sis and her ex. By the way, niece and her fiance are paying 100% of the wedding themselves, so Sis and her ex really shouldn't feel they have a right to tell my niece how her wedding should be.

My sister is insisting that her husband(Niece's stepdad since she was 16) be the one that gives her away instead of her dad. Niece wants her Dad. Dad is insisting his wife's name be on the invite, even though niece and her are not close. Niece's stepmom is mad that my niece made her childhood best friend a bridesmaid instead of her daughter. Stepdad is mad that niece is not inviting his entire extended family to the wedding even though niece barely knows her stepdad's family, and at most sees them once a year. And it just goes on and on from there.

I just feel like telling niece's parents that her wedding is not the time to pout if their spouse(the stepparent) is not aknowledged. By putting so much pressure on her, all they are doing is making her want to elope. I hope she doesn't elope. Niece is still trying to decide if she should go ahead with the church wedding or not. Niece would be the first grandchild in our family to get married, and I know my mother(the grandma) would just love to see her oldest grandchild get married.

I feel bad for my niece. I wish she didn't feel the need to elope. I am seriously thinking about at least talking to my sister about this, and trying to get her to understand that this is her daughter's day, not hers or her exhusband's. Maybe I should stay out of it. I don't know. I just hate the idea of niece not having a wedding just because of her immature parents.


 

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Old 11-16-2007, 10:43 PM
 
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If your niece is old enough and mature enough to get married and finance it herself, then she is old enough to tell mom and dad to "butt out!" and have the wedding SHE wants, not what THEY want!
 
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Old 11-16-2007, 10:56 PM
 
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Sometimes I think it helps to have someone stand up for you at any age. I am in my late 40's and I still have a hard time standing up to my parents. My niece has always been a people pleaser, and when her parents are pulling her in 2 different directions she can't please everyone. I think she feels like she has to say Yes to her parents demands. She's still in her young 20's and I think its hard for her. I might add, that her parents have always put their spouses before my niece's interests and my niece is terrified that if she tells her parents something as simple as Stepdad's family isn't invite or Stepmom won't be on the invitations that her parents won't love her anymore.
 
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Old 11-16-2007, 11:21 PM
 
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I agree with butting in, your niece needs to stand up and do what she wants. Her parents might get their panties in a wad, but they will get over it. (esp. when that first grandbaby comes along!)

If their love for her is based on her giving in to them and playing their petty games, she doesn't need that kind of love. The parents need to realize that if they love her, they will shut up and let her be happy, at least for one day. And she doesn't have to stand alone, it is ok for you to help.
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Old 11-17-2007, 05:32 AM
 
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This really is between your niece and her future hubby. This sounds like just the start of things they will have to deal with on her side of the family. They should set things straight now about how they want things and lay the ground rules for the holidays, kids, etc. that will happen in years to come.

Nothing wrong with eloping to get the type of day you really want. Everyone will get over it if they realize they were the reason there was no huge wedding.


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Old 11-17-2007, 08:18 AM
 
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While your niece should normally stand up for herself to her parents, it sounds like they have made her feel as if their love was something to be gained only by following their silly games. So, she does need someone to support her and stand up for her. If you decide to speak up, know ahead of time that your sister will most likely resent it and direct her anger at you, and probably towards your niece.

Maybe, if the parents are confronted and throw tantrums over it, she can still have her church wedding, WITHOUT them and their games. Then she gets the church wedding she wants and with grandma there.
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Old 11-17-2007, 04:18 PM
 
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My opinion is for you to go with niece when she confronts her parents and step parents.
Ask niece if she would like your support. Then have a plan of action and you can accompany her when she tells her parents/step parents what she is going to have for her wedding. She needs to be very firm and let them know that this is non-negotiable. She can tell them that she wanted to get together to let them know what the plans are going to be, period. You can be there as support, but let her do the talking.
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