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sea2002 sea2002 is offline
 
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Need advice PLZ
Old 05-02-2016, 04:19 PM
 
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Hello everyone,

This is my first year as a para and today I had a student ask me what an orgasm is. At first I told her that it is not appropriate to be talking about. The class had a substitute and this particular sub does not control her classes. Other students started chiming in on what they thought it was. Finally, I told the girl to come over to where I was sitting and told her a little bit of what one might do to get an orgasm. She went back and told the two girls she was sitting with but I told them to not say I said anything to anyone. I am concerned they might say something to there parents.

Could I get fired for this, even if I deny saying anything to her?The girl is 13 years old and she heard from another girl at school that she had, had an orgasm so she was curious what it was.


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Oh no
Old 05-03-2016, 06:41 AM
 
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That is a tough one. It would depend on just what you told her and if you admit saying it. Right now it seems it is your word against theirs. Is what you told her covered in their health classes? If so, you might you not get into trouble based on that, assuming they don't think the issue should only be discussed in health class. Wow. Please let us know how this plays out.

Last edited by twin2; 05-03-2016 at 02:43 PM..
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For next time..
Old 05-03-2016, 07:56 AM
 
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I have elementary children ask all sorts of sexual stuff, and with the peanut gallery chiming in...

I say, oh that is a good question to ask someone at home.

And for charmers that don't shut up..

If you have time gab about such things, you must be all done with your work (or whatever).

I don't say it's wrong or a poor question, I punt it back to home. You have no clue how much the parents want the child to know or religious views, whatever.

If it question keeps being asked, have the teacher go to the school nurse or whoever would handle it.

Do I think it is the crime of the century, no. To save yourself from some parental unit going bat sh*t crazy saying you are talking about sexual discussions that they view as wrong, deflect it back to home. If it keeps up, heads up to the teacher. You are a para, and aren't paid to handle that.

Hopefully the kid forgot, and it didn't get brought up at home. Next time don't explain.
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Old 05-03-2016, 08:40 AM
 
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When someone asks me a question like that, I first ask "what made you think of that question?" "What have you heard about it?" This way I can gauge if they are actually curious or if they think it's something else.

Then I would always put it on the parent. "that would be a good question to ask your parents. Have you asked them yet?"

Last, if they don't feel comfortable asking a parent, then I would tell them that the school nurse could give them more information.

I would report what you said to the teacher you work with. That way, he/she knows the situation in case anything came back to you.
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I agree with the PPs
Old 05-03-2016, 09:40 AM
 
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for the most part. BUT I would recommend though too that you should not lie about it. It is troubling that you would even consider that. If it comes to that, you are basically calling the student a liar when she is not.

The part that disturbs me most is:

Quote:
Finally, I told the girl to come over to where I was sitting and told her a little bit of what one might do to get an orgasm.
To me, I can't imagine that this would be an appropriate conversation. EVER. with a 13 yo girl who is not your own. To me, if she asked what it was, she is asking for a definition, not a how-to... JMO


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Yesterday
Old 05-04-2016, 05:07 AM
 
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I did not give the girl a "How to" it was very brief I asked if she knew what sex is and she did, then I said well its when one plays with him/herself using fingers/hand or uses a toy as well. I spoke with her yesterday and just explained that it is not appropriate for school and to not bring up that her and I talked about it because it is a private thing. She understood and that should be that. I thought more about it myself and to be honest if my daughter felt she couldn't or didn't want to come ask me, but trusted an adult at school to ask and she said what I did then I would have been glad that she at least asked an adult she felt she could trust. Most of the kids think I am a teacher and this particular girl thinks I am cool, so I think she felt comfortable enough to ask me.

Thank you everyone for your responses most of you were positive and I appreciate that. I did not think about the school nurse. She is rarely there as is though and kind of mean. I don't think it will come up again I think the girl realizes that its a big topic and not something you just go blabbing about all over school. I think her parents are some what strict not sure 100% so I don't think she would talk about it with them. If they did and the parents did get upset I think the most that would happen is a write up.
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Write up?
Old 05-04-2016, 06:14 AM
 
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The parents in my daughter's school have to sign a form that allows children to sit in on sex ed classes. It is a big ordeal about those form, and they are sent a month in advance. The school hunts you down like a beast to find out what you want if the form doesn't show up.

Had a kid came home as said the para (who the the bottom of the school food chain-doesn't matter how many degrees a para has.) told her about sex toys, fingers and stimulation. Mother of sweet Jesus.

I can't even wrap my head around that sh*t storm. Seriously. You'd be gone (the paras here aren't union), and notes from the district and the school... to parents and teachers. I'm not even including the social media media melt down from the helicopter moms.

High school is different. Some schools have clinics. Some you can rolling and some you need parental permission. So a teen rolling in and asking that to a nurse or someone who has a health care back ground working with teens, okay.

I'm the most liberal, tree hugging, sex is not a dirty subject person on the planet. I'd be livid if my 12 year old told me that story. I would not be grateful. I'd be furious. I would have like an email or something. I think 16 is when a minor can get birth control, STD testing and pregnancy testing without parental permission in my state. You wouldn't even be covered in my state saying the child couldn't talk to a parent.

If this is my reaction, I can't even imagine a parent who is very strict on what their child sees or hears.

Maybe that is your district's tolerance to sexual discussions. That is not everywhere, and where I live your head would be on a pike.

Minimum, send those questions to counselor or the nurse. You might have dodged a bullet now, but man, don't count on that response next time. If you are union, you are so very lucky.
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Sorry
Old 05-04-2016, 01:57 PM
 
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I do agree with most of what is in Tawaki response, except that I am very conservative. You told the girl things that I did not know until I was an adult, in marriage. I would also be livid if someone had that conversation with my child. I worked as a para for years and I never joined the union. It was a big expense for para pay. That always left that extra fear that something could happen, that I would need legal counsel. I forgot about the parental permission must be signed for students to participate in health class. I know you were worried about the situation and I tried not to alarm you, but it seems it has all been said by others. You do have to remember as a para that you work under everybody else's direction. That doesn't mean you are lowly, but it does mean everyone else is in charge of what is presented to students. That relieves you of certain liabilities, unless of course, you overstep your bounds.
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Old 05-10-2016, 06:29 PM
 
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You would have been fired in my district.
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I'm not sure what concerns me most
Old 05-14-2016, 10:43 AM
 
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Fired? Probably not, unless you have had other concerns written up by the admin. I would guess that someone who is your superior might talk to you about it to clarify what you might do next time. Maybe you should ask your teacher what to do without giving the details of what you answered.
No, you should not have tried to answer her question. If it was a part of a class health discussion, it is totally in the hands of the teacher. (I'm guessing it's not, in this case.) If it is a discipline issue - class getting out of hand with noise - then address it, not the question. It's important to always stay within your job description. That's what makes the class successful. Your part is very important.
Lastly, I would suggest that you never offer information unless it is the teacher's notes or class material. You run the risk of giving incorrect information or falling outside the task at hand. The fact that the discussion involved sexual information makes this even more important. As others have pointed out, many districts require parent signatures to verify that curriculum is acceptable for their child. Mine included. This is at the elementary, middle, and high school level.


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Old 05-15-2016, 05:03 AM
 
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Oh my gosh, yikes!!! I had a hard time believing initially that you actually talked to a 13 year old about orgasms. If there are no repercussions professionally for you, count yourself very lucky.
I am almost unsure of where to begin.
At my school, if this happened, you'd be likely put on administrative leave for months, removed from the school and assigned elsewhere until the matter was resolved. It'd then depend on whether the higher ups decided to return you to the classroom or to fire you.
There are very stringent guidelines on what information, if any, is provided about sex. Presenting this information is reserved for health classes. Parents are informed long before any presentations, consent obtained, and children removed if their parents don't want them to hear the information. There is a strict "party line" as to what can be covered, which questions can be answered, and the information that can be provided. If it falls outside that accepted range, we are asked to direct the children to talk to their families about the subject.
I am guessing that this was not a health class. If it was a health class, the question should have been directed towards the substitute. If it wasn't a health class but instead just off topic discussion, then the behavior should have been addressed rather than the question itself. You could have even acknowledged the question, not answered it, but redirected the behavior particularly if the kids perceive you as a teacher rather than just a para.
At muy school, all h*ll would have broken loose with what you did.
I'm with Tawaki that I'm very much to the left leaning side of things but I still would have been irritated and likely contacting the principal particularly because you did more give her a how to (by saying you get it by stimulating yourself with fingers or a sex toy), rather than a dictionary definition of what it was (climax of sexual activity).
I'm concerned that amongst your first impulses was to deny everything (essentially accusing the truthful kid who you say approached you because you're cool) rather than being a cool and honest grown-up that she perceived you as. And just because you'd be glad that your daughter felt comfortable enough to approach someone at school doesn't mean that everyone else will have that response. True story: some people at DD's middle school are concerned about the fact that they teach evolution as part of their middle school science curriculum. I have taught at schools where the majority of parents believed that kissing before marriage will send you to h*ll.
I've ranted more than I thought I would. I have a hard time believing this is a serous post and that the most that would happen would be a write-up. I know that you probably wanted a positive and supportive reaction.
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Old 05-16-2016, 03:43 PM
 
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Is this for real? Can't tell if it's a joke post. If it's not a joke, then I hope you know how inappropriate that was. I'm a pretty relaxed teacher and talk to my students about most things that they confront me about, but if a student asked me what an orgasm was I would simply say, "We're not talking about that right now." And I would change the subject.

You're also planning on denying it if a parent confronts the school? How is that fair to the student?

So inappropriate on so many levels.
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Old 05-16-2016, 05:34 PM
 
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I'm having a hard time believing this post is for real. If it is, you deserve to lose your job.
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Yes
Old 05-22-2016, 08:55 AM
 
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Yes, you will get fired or banned from the school. The correct response would have been to ask your parent or guardian, and tell the teacher.
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Wow!
Old 05-23-2016, 08:58 AM
 
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In my district you would be fired. I am at a loss for words as to why you even thought it was appropriate to give the child the answers you did. Do not lie. That will only get you into further trouble. I would question it if you lied to me about what happened. I would wonder what other things you may have done that were inappropriate with minor children. You are not their friend or confidante. You are there to assist the teachers/students academically. That is it.
Kathy
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Old 05-25-2016, 03:25 PM
 
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Do you guys honestly believe this is real?

I do not believe you sea2002, and if you did- I would wholeheartedly fire you.
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Old 05-25-2016, 05:03 PM
 
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What's funny is that your definition of an orgasm was incorrect....SMH.

I'm so sorry :-D ...but .
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Old 05-25-2016, 05:08 PM
 
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Gosh, I'm dying to know if this is real or a joke? But I am thinking it may actually be a real snapshot into the lives of other people.

She probably gets paid more than me and gets great benefits.
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Old 05-28-2016, 05:59 PM
 
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I agree with TLC. You sound a bit trollish or worse yet uninformed.
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