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Riding4Him Riding4Him is offline
 
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Update on MIL and memory issues
Old 12-28-2019, 11:05 PM
  #1

We had another issue with my mil and her memory loss. She left my house the other day, staying longer than she had planned hence it was dark. Usually no problem but it was also foggy. She called about 20 min. later crying and lost. My hubby had to go out and find her and lead her home. The next day she had a doctor's appointment. My hubby called when she was in the appointment. The doctor asked to talk with my hubby and asked about her short term memory. My hubby filled him in with our concerns and yes she is going to a neurologist for an appointment. Now we just need to get the power of attorney before a diagnosis.


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Old 12-29-2019, 05:29 AM
  #2

Very scary situation for her. I'm glad you both are nearby for her and in communication with her doctor.

We all might be "in her shoes" one day.
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Old 12-29-2019, 07:10 AM
  #3

Your poor MIL. She must be so frightened, but thank God she had enough presence of mind left to know to call for help.

I wanted to share some things I learned through personal experience. First of all, she does NOT need to be driving. I had a neighbor take the distributor cap from Momís car, which solved that problem. That was several years ago, so if MIL has a newer car, youíll have to do something else to disable the engine. In this way, you wonít have the fight over taking her keys away. Believe me, the struggle is just starting, so buckle up.

You're going to need to get durable power of attorney,not just power of attorney. That wonít give you as much power to make decisions of her behalf as you think, but itís a start.

What you need to do right now is to find a good attorney who has experience with this. In my case, Mom lived in a different city, and I got a call from Adult Protective Services, who referred me to an excellent attorney. Mom apparently was repeatedly calling a locksmith to change her locks because she was certain people were breaking into her home (they werenít). Thank God the locksmith called APS, and we went from there.

If MIL doesnít already have a will, now is the time to get that done, while sheís still competent enough to make her wishes known. Thatís when you get the will and the durable power of attorney, but hire an eldercare attorney first. That person can walk you through the steps you need to take at each stage.

I wish you peace and grace as you navigate this path. PM me if you want more info, need to vent, or just talk.
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MIL and Memory
Old 12-29-2019, 07:39 AM
  #4

So glad she is safe. Mooba has given you very sound advice. I also have personal experience in this area. Along with durable power of attorney, someone should be added to her checking account and if she gets Medicare, get her permission to access her account. ( thereís paperwork on line).

My early experiences with my mom were the wandering and she was withdrawing large sums of money from her account every day. But to this day I donít know where that money went.

Also, she wasnít paying her bills. Keep an eye on her mail.

And last, please get a copy of the book Iím Still Here. It was a godsend for figuring out how to deal with some situations.
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Old 12-29-2019, 08:15 AM
  #5

Keltikmom,
Can you give the author of the book youíve mentioned. I think Iíd like to get it. Thanks!


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Book link
Old 12-29-2019, 08:41 AM
  #6

https://www.amazon.com/Im-Still-Here...7637556&sr=8-4

Weíre going through this with my grandma. Going to get the book too.

Author: John Zeisel, PhD
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POA types
Old 12-29-2019, 09:04 AM
  #7

There are two types of POAs (here at least). One is actionable immediately. The other requires a medical sign off. You want the actionable now one.

Also be sure to get both financial and medical.

Medicare has its own form. Each doctor's office may have their own HIPPA form. Whoever accompanies her to appointments (and she shouldn't go alone if you want to know what happened as she may not remember by the time she gets home) needs to ask if there is a HIPPA form on file and if not get her to sign one.

There's a seemingly endless sea of forms to navigate. A consultation with a (elder care) lawyer may be a good idea.

The Alzheimer's Association has a discussion board (https://www.alzconnected.org/discussion.aspx) that discusses these issues. It can be a good source of info from people who have walked in your shoes.

The journey now will not be easy.
(((Riding4Him family)))
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Old 12-29-2019, 02:36 PM
  #8

I'm watching this thread with interest. Weve been on the journey with dad for many years and now starting with mom. Im always sorry to here if more people going through this painful journey. I have found teepa snow videos on YouTube very helpful.
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Old 12-29-2019, 03:32 PM
  #9

This is a hard situation, but good that you and your husband are there for her.
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Old 12-29-2019, 07:37 PM
  #10

I am so glad the family is being informed of all that is going on and that the doctor is willing to communicate. She has an awesome doctor and is blessed with a caring family. Praying for her situation, and for your peace.

Nancy


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