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Son is struggling
Old 01-16-2020, 01:35 PM
 
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My adult son and I have always been close. I was a single parent and I raised him with little to no help from his dad. He seems to have a good relationship with his dad, and for that I am grateful.

He married 5 years ago and things have been difficult between he and his wife, he and his sister, he and me. He and his wife have been in counseling for quite some time....I don't know how long. She has some mental health issues which he was aware of before marriage. Having a child has seemed to make everything harder for both of them.

Today we went to speak to a counselor, just my son and I. I realized as I sat and listened that he really wants my love and acceptance but only on his terms and only when convenient. He told me that he has started drinking to deal with his work stresses. He hates his job, and had another job offer in July and decided to stay with his current position. He basically traded stress level for lots more money....his decision, and no one said anything about it. He is an engineer and gets paid very well.

I feel very sorry for things I have said in our relationship that hurt him. I clearly heard his hurt today. I also am hurt and did a fair amount of crying. He and his wife want to confide in me and seek advice and then when they do, I feel even worse. I don't want to be 'in' their marriage. I think he heard that loud and clear today.

My heart hurts for the hurt he is feeling, and for his wife. But most of all, there is a grandchild that I worry about. My son is 36.


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I am so sorry your family is hurting
Old 01-16-2020, 01:54 PM
 
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But the good news is he is seeking help and expressing his feelings and that is a good thing. Hopefully your son and his wife will work their issues out and have a stronger marriage in the future. Wishing you all the best.

I have sons who are 32 and 34 and know when they hurt I hurt too. Totally understandable. I hope you feel better soon.
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Old 01-16-2020, 06:28 PM
 
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I am so sorry about your family strife. I hope you can soon find healing and peace.
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Old 01-17-2020, 03:57 AM
 
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Hugs to you as you go through this difficult time with your son. Hopefully you all will be in a healing place soon. I am glad that he is going to see a counselor and will continue to do so.
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Old 01-17-2020, 07:16 AM
 
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Iím sending you hugs. In many ways I find parenting adults is a huge challenge. Thinking of you.


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Old 01-17-2020, 05:30 PM
 
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Bless you, music lover, as you go through this tough time. Knowing he needs and wants your love is a big step for each of you, but I can also tell that hurt feelings are still something each of you will work through. It sounds as if you're taking positive steps by going to a counselor to help you express your feelings (and even to understand and name them first). Best of luck and many hugs to you as you continue this journey. Peace and all good to you all.
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Old 01-18-2020, 08:08 AM
 
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Sorry to hear this and the pain, evident by your post, that you are going through.

One more thing to take into consideration is the fact that you and your son were very close due to being a single parent. When my son married in May, it was an adjustment for me because now I feel a huge gap in my life, and I am married with other grown children. So you probably feel that magnified.

Maybe with the counselor, your son can be guided to other stress relievers like exercise at the gym, and slowly negating the habit of drinking. Maybe he and his wife could eventually go together.

You may have to be "dear Abbey" to listen and offer advice when asked, but not be offended when the advice is not taken. Yes, and that is really hard sometimes.

Offering hugs and prayers for you and your family.
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