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Am I a bad hostess?
Old 12-12-2019, 08:06 PM
  #1

We are hosting Christmas. I prepare and pay for 90% of the dinner. I also serve punch, iced tea, coffee and water. Sometimes we also have a hot cider type of drink. Alcohol might be served if someone wants a bit of whiskey in another drink. No one is a big drinker.

Here is the bad hostess part. I have had 2 different people complain we donít have any soda. We never have it in the house, and we donít want it in the house. My DS (17) will drink way too much if it around. I told both people that if they want some, they are welcome to bring their own. They both got a little pissy. One said that I should just pick up 6 - 2 liter bottles because it is a special day. We are only having 13 people. I already spend close to 200 on the meal. Am I wrong to tell them to bring their own?


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No.
Old 12-12-2019, 08:10 PM
  #2

Telling them to bring their own soda is a far kinder response than I would have towards that attitude.

You're not a bad hostess.
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Old 12-12-2019, 08:10 PM
  #3

Quote:
Am I wrong to tell them to bring their own?
Absolutely not! They should be grateful to contribute. Stand your ground.
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Old 12-12-2019, 08:11 PM
  #4

Before I read the second half of your post, I thought, "Just tell them to bring their own." No, I don't think that's rude.

My parents both stopped drinking pop a few years ago but they will buy a pack when I visit. However, if they told me to go buy my own while I'm there I wouldn't think anything of it. I will frequently bring a 2 liter to someone's house for a party or dinner so that I can have the drink I want . I don't like to drink and drive at all (i.e. not even 1-2 drinks) so unless it's a big night out that I'm willing to spend money on an Uber for, I don't drink the alcohol that's there. I like ensuring I'll have other options.
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Nope!
Old 12-12-2019, 08:18 PM
  #5

I'm a huge soda drinker and I don't drink alcohol really. I still don't expect people to have soda at their house. I either ask if I can continue some drinks, or I go without and drink something else like coffee. If you were only offering alcohol drinks or something, that would be one thing, but you have a variety of drinks for them.

Next year tell them that it's going to be potluck style or something if they want to complain.


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Wow!
Old 12-12-2019, 08:29 PM
  #6

Are these adults? Weíre taught as children to be thankful for whatever the host/hostess provides. Itís one meal and youíre providing several options! A free meal that someone is graciously providing. I think theyíre the rude ones. Continue being a wonderfully generous hostess and donít say another word about it. And I like the PPís idea of a potluck!
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How rude!
Old 12-12-2019, 08:37 PM
  #7

They all should be asking what can I bring. Maybe this is their last free meal at your home!
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Old 12-12-2019, 08:50 PM
  #8

Quote:
welcome to bring their own. They both got a little pissy. One said that I should just pick up 6 - 2 liter bottles because it is a special day. We are only having 13 people
Six two liters for 13 people?!?

As long as you have some sort of non-alcoholic option available, you're fine! If I didn't like any of the options, I'd just have water.

And as a soda drinker, I'd gladly contribute soda because then I get exaxtly what I want.
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Old 12-12-2019, 09:44 PM
  #9

Agree with everyone else. I probably drink way more soda than I should, but I'd never be rude enough to expect or demand of a host. Either I would make do with what is provided or I'd bring with me (and only that if I knew the host wouldn't be offended).
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You are not a bad hostess
Old 12-12-2019, 11:10 PM
  #10

I can not believe anyone would complain to someone willing to host and prepare a meal of any type, much less a holiday meal. I am sorry they are acting so ungrateful.

I do the exact same thing. Everyone seems to drink a different flavor of soda in my family so I ask them to bring their own if they don't want iced tea with their meal.

You are very kind to prepare your home and a holiday meal for your family.


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Old 12-13-2019, 04:07 AM
  #11

I do not eat meat and I never expect people to know that info and/or cater to me.
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Old 12-13-2019, 05:43 AM
  #12

Quote:
Am I wrong to tell them to bring their own?
Nope.









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At first I thought no,
Old 12-13-2019, 06:09 AM
  #13

you are not wrong to suggest that they bring their own, but now I think considering their rude attitude I believe you would be in the right if you told them soda is not served in your home and that you will, as you always have, serve several other options.
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Nope. NADA. No Way!
Old 12-13-2019, 06:12 AM
  #14

It was rude of them to ask--and to get in a huff over it.

That said, I cannot imagine "hosting" ungrateful folks. I'd have been tempted to revoke their invite.

In our family, almost all big meals are some level of pot luck. Usually the host does the meat courses and plates/dishes--we all provide the rest-sides, drinks, desserts, condiments/pickles/olives, disposables, etc.

How RUDE of them!
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Soda
Old 12-13-2019, 06:49 AM
  #15

Not rude at all. We host a huge party for kids and grands and a few others. We do all the food. I bake cookies and we provide drinks. I never buy soda. My kids do not want their kids drinking it anyway. No one has ever complained. I do not mind providing as I know how hard it is to have little kids and get everything done. I just want them to have a fun day.
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Old 12-13-2019, 08:07 AM
  #16

Of course not! I also have everyone over for the holiday and prepare most of the meal. I have what I have. No one complains. My sister usually brings her own Diet Dr. Pepper everywhere she goes. lol
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Uninvite
Old 12-13-2019, 09:45 AM
  #17

Don't invite them the next time you have a party.
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soda
Old 12-13-2019, 10:10 AM
  #18

Quote:
They both got a little pissy.
Who ARE these entitled and rude people? Personally, in addition to telling them they were welcome to bring their own sodas, I would have told them exactly what you told us here: that you already opened your house, serve punch, tea, coffee and water, and spent close to $200. Geez! Some people!
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Bad hostess
Old 12-13-2019, 10:21 AM
  #19

Iím on the fence here. I, too, host a big Christmas dinner with food and drinks. As a good hostess, I do buy a small amount of soda for those who want it. If you buy liter bottles, you can dump the left overs.

OTOH, if these people know you never, ever have soda, and they canít live without it, then they should bring their own and take home their leftovers.

Not buying it doesnít make you a bad hostess.
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Sometimes
Old 12-13-2019, 11:44 AM
  #20

People transfer their feelings...

I would provide soda. I would tell my kids hands off just like we do with alcohol.

I hope you enjoy yourself and start to feel better about these rude childish adults.

Merry Christmas
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Old 12-13-2019, 12:24 PM
  #21

I think they are rude for expecting you to provide it, and they should bring it if that's what they want. Very entitled!
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Old 12-13-2019, 12:48 PM
  #22

If you were only offering them cider, cheese, fruit, and board games, they should appreciate what they are being offered. When receiving a gift (meal, whatever), you graciously say thank you, not ask for more.

You are already being very generous.
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Old 12-13-2019, 02:04 PM
  #23

We do it similar to Lottalove. My family always offers to bring something, if it is not at their house. My family celebrates on Christmas Eve. My mom provides the lasagna. My younger son goes over in the morning to help her make it. My brother and wife bring Caesar salad, we bring dessert and kids bring beer and rolls. I am amazed that you do all the work and provide all the food. I canít believe that they canít bring their own pop.
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Absolutely do not!
Old 12-13-2019, 03:18 PM
  #24

It's your party you are hosting. You are providing several different options for drinks already. If your guests want soda, they should bring their own. I think your guest is a poor guest for insisting you change the drink options.

My husband and I no longer buy sodas for special gatherings. We have never been big soda drinkers, but now that we have pretty much given up sodas I refuse to bring it into the house. My guests are fine with that.

Last edited by twin2; 12-13-2019 at 03:35 PM..
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Old 12-13-2019, 03:54 PM
  #25

I can’t imagine going to someone’s house for dinner, not offering to bring something, and expecting they have every choice available for a beverage.

Every year DH and I do a Christmas feast with several other couples. Everyone contributes part of the meal and something to drink whether it is wine, cider, sparkling wine, etc.

Your soda drinkers sound unappreciative of your hospitality. Don’t give in to their whining. They are bad guests. You are NOT a bad hostess.
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Are you kidding me?
Old 12-13-2019, 05:25 PM
  #26

They can't pay $1.99 to buy their own 2 liter bottle of soda? I think I would tell them that I would provide the soda if they wanted to do the rest of the meal.
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Old 12-13-2019, 09:22 PM
  #27

We teach the college aged Sunday School class at church. The kids know that if they want soda at any event, they have to bring their own. We serve tea and lemonade. DH and I donít drink soda, and DD doesnít need the leftover, so we donít spend our money on any
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Old 12-14-2019, 05:17 AM
  #28

Iím on the fence here too. I also host and I make sure I have a variety of food and drinks so there is at least ONE thing each person would eat and drink. However, you have a valid reason for not wanting to serve soda. Did you make those two guests aware of the reason why you donít have soda to serve? I do think THEIR response was ridiculous though.

My dh has a cousin and him and his wife donít drink coffee so they donít have it in their house. They have a big gathering at their house each winter and we all sleep over. They cook a huge breakfast for us the next morning minus coffee. Dh and I need coffee to function in the morning so we bring Folgers instant coffee with us. I donít expect them to buy coffee just for us.
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Old 12-14-2019, 01:00 PM
  #29

I'd be telling them I'm glad to bring the soda next year when they host at THEIR house. Or if they'd like ot provide all of the other elements, you'll gladly supply the soda.
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Old 12-14-2019, 06:54 PM
  #30

Not by any means are you a bad hostess! How rude of them!

Nancy
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Old 12-15-2019, 06:58 AM
  #31

I'm with Jackie on this one. Yes, it's your house and your show, but I really try to accommodate all my guests. That's the way I was taught. But nobody comes to my house without bringing something!

My sister is a SUPER picky eater. I usually do a whole turkey ordeal for dinner. Last year I did not and was so much more relaxed! Well this year mom and sister are coming and my sister doesn't eat my main dish. It's a chicken dish and she offered to just have a plain breast baked. I'm adding a small ham instead.

My mom is more put out that I'm not doing a turkey or roast of some kind. Seriously? You will not leave hungry and you love what I'm making! The other reason I'm doing this is because my brother is coming to surprise my mom. He doesn't usually do the drive at the holidays because he's alone and it's a long drive. I want the cooking time to be flexible in case bad weather comes along. This way he can leave earlier if needed. A turkey or roast can only be do flexible and my chicken dish is done in an hour!
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