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Lonely
Old 02-22-2020, 07:12 PM
  #1

What do you do when youíre feeling lonely? Online dating is full of liars and catfishers, men who message you for a day and then... nothing. I live by myself and I tend to sleep when Iím sad. I just feel sorry for myself and doing the usual ďEveryone else has a boyfriend/husbandĒ and I donít.


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Find your passion
Old 02-22-2020, 07:38 PM
  #2

I've found that it's important to focus on yourself and find a passion. That will lead to a shift in your focus. You are what is important! You will meet someone that will love you as much as you love yourself but don't wait for that to happen...love the life you have.
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I am sorry you are lonely
Old 02-22-2020, 07:39 PM
  #3

Just know that not everyone is married or has a boyfriend. You are not alone.

And there are lots of married folks who stay together but are not happy and they are lonely too.

And don't forget the folks who were married but lost their spouses. They are lonely too.

Get out and meet people. I know it is not easy but prince charming is not going to just knock on your door one day. You have to make the effort to meet people. Even if you do not meet that someone special right away you can never have too many friends.

Do you go to church and Sunday school? That is great place to meet people.

Volunteer somewhere so you can meet people. Plus you will get out and about to help others and that tends to make you feel happier.

Start a new hobby. Maybe that will make you feel less lonely.

Do you have a community recreation department? They often offer classes at a very reasonable price.

Take a class. Maybe you will meet someone with a common interest.

Be the hostess of a work or neighborhood get-together. We really should know our neighbors and people we work with and a casual party is a good place for that.

What about a pet? They are great company! Plus they give unconditional love.

Join a gym and get some exercise. You might meet someone there. And even if you don't you will get healthier.

Not all people who date online are dishonest. I met my husband there after my divorce. You just have to be careful.

Have you ever considered fostering a child? What about an exchange student?

Online friends can help with loneliness. Lots of people here on PT would enjoy being your friend and the two of you can private message one another.

You are responsible for your happiness so start doing some activities that bring you joy.

Journaling is another way to spend your time that helps you to feel better.

Do you like upbeat music? Play that kind of music when you are alone at home to put a little pep in your step.

Watch funny movies or show. Laughter is good for you.

I wish you the best and hope I said something helpful.
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I am sorry you are lonely
Old 02-22-2020, 07:42 PM
  #4

Are you able to join a group of some kind? Do you like to read? Maybe join a book club? Continue to post here frequently.

Last edited by tctrojan; 02-23-2020 at 09:31 AM..
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Old 02-22-2020, 08:12 PM
  #5

I had fun doing some classes like painting and ceramics.

I met my DH online. I did wade through a ton of idiots, but I figure I had some good dinners & dates and some good stories to share with friends.


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Old 02-22-2020, 08:22 PM
  #6

Previous posters had some good thoughts. But also, there are ways to meet your need for connection besides having a boyfriend/husband. Invite friends/acquaintances to join you for dinner out or at your house. Join a bowling league. Take a hobby-type class at the local community college. Invite neighbors over for dessert to celebrate the end of winter.

Staying home alone, feeling sorry for yourself is a waste of a life. Although there are certainly days when it's hard to find the energy and motivation to do something.
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Old 02-22-2020, 08:33 PM
  #7

(((SoCalTeach))))
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Old 02-22-2020, 10:08 PM
  #8

I'm in Southern CA too. If I didn't have my SO, I'd be quite alone in this world. I'm an only child, have no friends really. (The few I had either live in another state, passed away, or we just stopped contact except for wishing each other Happy TG or Merry Christmas). I do keep in touch with a cousin on a monthly basis via phone and we might get together every year, but that's it. We're not what you'd consider close...just a family member to talk to to tell each other how life's going.

I'm quite used to solitude and being alone (since I'm an only child), so maybe that's why I don't feel lonely. It's just how my life is, but to others viewing my life, they may say it's so boring and pitiful.

If I didn't have my SO, I guess I'd join one of those travel groups for solo people and travel with a group. I'd really have to see what's out there, but so far, I've never looking into any kind of social groups, but I do know about MeetUp.
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Sorry
Old 02-23-2020, 04:49 AM
  #9

I'm sorry you're lonely. Online dating can be exhausting.

Spend time doing things that you enjoy. After I got divorced I joined a tennis club. I got involved with a round robin league there and ended up meeting a lot of nice people. I made some female friends and also met a guy who I dated for close to a year.

The good part was that I was doing something I enjoyed and not primarily looking for a relationship. It was a nice thing when one came along, but at least I was having fun in the meantime.
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Old 02-23-2020, 05:36 AM
  #10

I could have written your post. I often wonder why I am not married when everyone else is. I travel by myself ( less fights with friends that way) and I join different groups. Meet Ups are easy to join. Just google Meet ups in your area. They have everything from birding to dinners to travel. You might not make any friends right away but it makes you feel better to get out of the house. I don't have a lot of friends but the ones I do have came from social events.


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Old 02-23-2020, 05:50 AM
  #11

I'm sorry you are feeling down. Do you have structure/social outlets? That's what helps me the most. I also throw myself into something with purpose, like volunteering for a cause I believe in. You meet people that way, and even if they don't turn into friends, you are surrounding yourself with people and staying busy. But sometimes it does just get lonely and those days are hard. I try to accept it for what it is and be thankful that I'm not in a bad marriage.
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Old 02-23-2020, 09:28 AM
  #12

Since itís such a big political year maybe you can volunteer for a campaign. There are usually several local elections occurring that need help. Iíve worked on several campaigns and met some wonderful people. And itís easy to drop out if it doesnít fit you.
I agree with PPs who suggest that you find something that you enjoy first.
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Old 02-23-2020, 09:30 AM
  #13

Everyone has time when they must "walk alone" in life. Some must do so more often than others. I try to embrace it.

I am an introvert and my DH is majorly into road cycling, so I have a lot of alone time. It used to lead to loneliness until I looked at it through a new lens. A lens of opportunity. "What can I do (when the loneliness creeps in)"?

Giving to others brings me joy, so I think of ways to give to others (which is funny since I'm an introvert). There are various ways to give to others, which research has shown brings one happiness and joy. You just have to find what works for you/fits your lifestyle/goals. Of course, don't forget to give to yourself, too. In the spring, I'll go buy plants/flowers. In the Fall, I'll sit outside and soak up the beauty of nature.

You aren't alone, that is for sure!
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My son
Old 02-23-2020, 01:25 PM
  #14

has struggled with finding someone to share his life with. He wants a relationship, not a booty call. He is a nice looking young man, but not model material. He has a good heart that I wish someone would see. Please know that you aren't alone, and it happens to the guys too.
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I was single before online dating.
Old 02-23-2020, 02:25 PM
  #15

I kept busy and met people through being involved in the arts, on the local arts council and such.

I don't know if you are active politically. I am. I've been canvassing in a nearby state where busloads of people take journeys to door knock before the primary. Just an observation but I looked at all the attractive, energetic people disembarking from the bus and thought, "D#MN, wish I was young again!"

Obviously, if you are not a "political person," don't impersonate one to meet somebody. But get out there, this is a huge presidential election time, if you are!
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Lonely.
Old 02-23-2020, 03:22 PM
  #16

I understand your feelings and remember feeling the same once. I remember driving home and sitting in traffic, looking around at the cars beside me, and thinking everyone had someone (partner, friend, kids) whereas I was alone 90% of the time.

I think there are seasons in life with varying degrees of how social we are.

I took a chance and used the MeetUp app to join a book club. That was 3 years ago, and the book club has fallen away, but I'm now very good friends with four of the women from the group and we see each other monthly. You never know where your friends are going to find you.
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Old 02-24-2020, 02:17 PM
  #17

I used to watch Dateline. I always felt better about my life after seeing how horribly wrong it went for other people.

Taking knitting and quilting classes satisfied my need for being around people. I made some friends in my knitting class.
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