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Your opinion -long
Old 06-29-2020, 12:13 PM
  #1

This was on reddit- am i an a$$hole portion.
I (28f) will be getting married in September. I have a blind friend who mostly relies on her guide dog. The dog obviously has access rights to all places."
"Now I am in a sticky situation and I can sense that I will be TA. I have three chronic illnesses that I take 23 pills a day for, severe asthma and you guessed it, an extremely severe dog allergy."
"Usually when I meet with my friend we meet in the open and I take two allergy pills. However, because of all the other medication I take these pills make me extremely drowsy to the point where I am officially not allowed to drive and I usually crash as soon as I get home from our get togethers."
"Our wedding will be very intimate, i.e. we will be in relatively small rooms. I feel horrible about this but I don't think I can let my friend bring her dog. It just wouldn't work."
"I talked about it with my fiance and some friends. Finally, I talked to my friend about it, explained the situation and said I would love her to come but she can't bring her dog. I said that four of our mutual friends had offered to "be on a roster" and assist her should she need it."
"Alternatively, if she is not comfortable with this she could bring a person of her choosing to the wedding or I'd pay for a professional aid for the day. I think it is important to note that her dog is not for any additional issues like seizures or anything like that."
"Unfortunately, she was less than happy with my suggestions. She accused me of being ableist and thinking her disability can be switched off for the day."
"I understand what I asked was a lot and it is a difficult topic. I told her to tell me if she changes her mind and I'd be happy to make arrangements. But I won't budge."
As you might guess, this particular story drew a wide range of reactions from OP's fellow Redditors.

Many felt this was a "No A*sholes Here" situation that was just kind of a no-win for all involved.

I think the poster was okay in not letting her friend bring the dog. Her allergies sound bad. She offered solutions to her friend. No good answers. It is the bride's day and should be comfortable.


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Old 06-29-2020, 12:20 PM
  #2

I agree that this is her day and if her allergy and the pill situation is really that bad, then her request is valid. She did still invite the friend and offered several options to make sure she would be taken care of.

If she had just not invited her, or said that she couldnít bring her dog but offered no other help, then she would be a jerk.
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Old 06-29-2020, 12:22 PM
  #3

I think the writer was doing everything she could, including paying for a personal assistant, to make this work for her blind friend. She should be able to function on her own wedding day.
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Your day
Old 06-29-2020, 12:23 PM
  #4

It sounds like you are trying to accommodate your friend and look out for yourself. Your friend may have been shocked, and may think it over and come back with a different attitude if you keep the doors open. If your situation is as you say, you are not being a jerk. Things would be different if you weren't going to be in an enclosed area.
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Old 06-29-2020, 12:24 PM
  #5

The allergy is also a disability that can not be switched off. I think the bride-to-be did the best she could and her request is valid.


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Old 06-29-2020, 12:25 PM
  #6

It sounds like the writer offered all she could to help her friend out. It's her wedding. She shouldn't be miserable. I am highly allergic to cats and it literally makes me miserable being in a house where one has been.
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Bride's day
Old 06-29-2020, 12:26 PM
  #7

It sounds like the bride is trying to accommodate her friend and look out for herself. The friend may have been shocked, and may think it over and come back with a different attitude if she keeps the doors open. If the situation is as she says, she is not being a jerk. Things would be different if she weren't going to be in an enclosed area.
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Old 06-29-2020, 12:40 PM
  #8

My first thought is that a September wedding likely isn't going to happen as planned anyway, unless there are no restrictions in her area and everyone just decides they want to take the risk. I certainly don't see us being any better off in September than we are now. It especially seems unwise with someone with "chronic illnesses" and "severe asthma," but that's not what's being discussed...

Regarding the situation at hand, I'm with the bride. It would be one thing if she just said her friend couldn't bring the dog and didn't offer any alternatives, but she literally offered to pay for a professional aide for the day! I don't know how you can get much more accommodating than that. The bride has a right to feel her best on her day.
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Old 06-29-2020, 12:42 PM
  #9

Why is the blind friend's comfort level more important than the bride's? I've been friends with a few disabled people in my life, and they've never expected their needs to trump everyone else's. I think the blind friend is wrong. She doesn't need to be babied because of her disability. My disabled friends never wanted to be treated like they were "special". The bride is willing to make accommodations, but she doesn't have to allow the dog.

Does the blind friend really think the bride should have to feel miserable with allergies on her wedding day? The friend is being selfish.
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Old 06-29-2020, 12:54 PM
  #10

IMO most of the stories on ďam I an a****Ē are creative writing

If itís true, the bride is in the right.


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Old 06-29-2020, 01:21 PM
  #11

That's a tough situation. It sounds like the bride was really trying to think of all sorts of different ways to help her friend without excluding her. She shouldn't have to worry about her health and breathing ability at her wedding.

For the friend, this is also really tough. Having to rely on friends (or an aide who is just there for this event) takes away some of her independence. She and her dog most likely have a really clear and close relationship. The dog probably feels like a part of her, and not having the dog would impact her comfort level and her ability to navigate the setting. I wonder if the friend is more upset that the bride doesn't understand how relying on a person is not the same as having a dog and being independent (with the dog), or assuming that a person would offer the same advantages that the dog does. That being said, I would hope that she would understand how much being near the dog impacts the bride's health.

It really is a no-win situation all around. But it is the bride's event and she should be able to breathe.

I think about situations like when people bring pets or emotional support animals on a plane without knowing if others may be allergic.
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Old 06-29-2020, 01:57 PM
  #12

Personally, I think that it's no win for everyone. I like that the bride offered alternative solutions. I wonder if her friend doesn't like having to rely on others and was a bit embarrassed by it. Perhaps if she steps back and thinks about it, she'll realize it's a fair compromise.
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Nta
Old 06-29-2020, 02:16 PM
  #13

The bride is definitely NTA. The friend on the other hand? Anyone who would accuse someone of ďableism,Ē for being allergic to a dog is not anyone Iíd keep in my life. Yikes.
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Old 06-29-2020, 03:00 PM
  #14

If I were the friend, I would send my regrets. Neither is an a**hole; it's just a tough circumstance.
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Old 06-29-2020, 03:08 PM
  #15

Yep, bride did everything she could. Her friend should send regrets that she can't attend. I suppose friend thinks that the bride could stay home and she could go?
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Old 06-29-2020, 04:28 PM
  #16

The bride did the right thing. If she has severe allergies to animals, she too has a disability.

I've always been concerned about the dualing disabilities when it comes to service animals. I know people whose eyes swell up and struggle to breathe when an animal is around. While a blind person can use a person to help them, an allergic person can't make the allergy go away. Putting a medication in your body that comes with significant side effects is very different than a blind person having to use a person rather than an animal. It isn't a perfect situation, but the bride was more than fair in offering a solution.
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Old 06-29-2020, 06:44 PM
  #17

The motto of The Seeing Eye is independence and dignity. A guide dog provides a blind person the ability to be independent and maintain their dignity through their independence.

Iím guessing that the blind person was incredibly shocked and hurt. They probably reacted from a place of their independence and dignity being ripped from them.

It takes time to work through hurt and disappointments. Hopefully, the blind person has family and friends to talk through things with and will understand the brideís perspective.

Neither is wrong, neither is selfish, neither is an a$$.
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Old 06-30-2020, 04:49 AM
  #18

Quote:
why is the blind friend's comfort level more important than the bride's? I've been friends with a few disabled people in my life, and they've never expected their needs to trump everyone else's. I think the blind friend is wrong. She doesn't need to be babied because of her disability. My disabled friends never wanted to be treated like they were "special". The bride is willing to make accommodations, but she doesn't have to allow the dog.

Does the blind friend really think the bride should have to feel miserable with allergies on her wedding day? The friend is being selfish.
i agree with everything bgracie said.
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Old 06-30-2020, 06:09 AM
  #19

If true, the bride-to-be is between a rock and a hard place. If true, I commend her on her thoughtfulness and applaud her efforts to accommodate her friend. If true, I hope she stops fretting now and moves forward in joy.
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Old 06-30-2020, 07:01 AM
  #20

This is a subject very close to my world and I’m disheartened by some of the judgement of the blind friend. Being blind is a very complex issue.

Of course the bride has the right to set the guest list and the parameters of who is there. It is thoughtful of her to come up with solutions for her friend.

People on the outside judging the blind person as selfish lack an understanding of the issues, emotions, and the life the friend has led. The bride has extended understanding and compassion and hopefully her friend will work through the her initial thoughts and feelings and be comfortable attending without her guide-dog. Being dependent on another person and giving up your independence for the day is not easy.

It is one of those no-win situations where neither person needs to be judged.
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Old 06-30-2020, 07:11 AM
  #21

wildflowerz, do you think the bride should have said/done/offered anything different?
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Legal rights of a guide-dog
Old 06-30-2020, 07:18 AM
  #22

If you are interested in knowing more about the legal rights of a blind person with a guide dog:
https://www.seeingeye.org/knowledge-...in-public.html
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Old 06-30-2020, 07:20 AM
  #23

I donít know. Itís a difficult situation. Legally, the guide dog has the right to be in public places. Only religious institutions can restrict access but Iíve never heard of one doing so.
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Old 06-30-2020, 07:47 AM
  #24

I was curious if you had an alternative in mind that was more palatable to all involved. I have never personally known a blind person, so that's why I asked.
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Old 07-02-2020, 02:05 AM
  #25

Thank you for posting the link about service animals.

I did notice it discusses what a business can do, but it says nothing about an individual choosing to not invite someone to that venue for the event.
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