When I got up this morning, I was all prepared to check my posts on the boards to see if anyone had replied and to check to see what new topics were being discussed.
BUT . . . I just responded to a ProTeacher post that immediately brought me back to the reality (and sometimes cruelty) of life. The person was pouring out her sadness about a young cousin who had died leaving behind a wife and children. Other people posted about young people they had lost. With tears in my eyes and incredible pain in my heart I responed about my own personal loss.
Tomorrow is the anniversary of my son's birth. But today I'm remembering that he was just 36 (leaving his 5 children behind) when he died in a hunting accident. My only son - gone in a heartbeat. I was at home preparing to send out parent notes confirming conference appointments when my phone rang with the message that my son was dead, and my life changed forever.
My son had a wonderful sense of humor. He was full of life and energy. He loved being outdoors -- especially in autumn. It was a lovely autumn day, and he was out preparing for one of his favorite activities -- deer hunting. Then it was over. I will love him and miss him forever.
He encouraged me to become a teacher in the face of overwhelming circumstances that indicated I'd never be able to succeed in college. He and his children were at my college graduation -- cheering me on!!!!
It was my 5th year of teaching when I lost him. I was in the 5th grade year in my first ever 4th-5th looping class. I had 27 students (and their families) who were there for me, especially when I was finally able to return to the classroom. I'm not exaggerating when I say I totally survived by leaching off their energy. I got through that school year because of their love and support.
I don't pretend to understand what God had in mind when he allowed my son to die, but when I stop to think about it I realize that God must have known I would not have survived sitting at home. Part of the "Plan" must have been for me to have my school support system to keep me going in the darkest time of my life. I am completely convinced that teaching saved my life.
As stated already: WOW...what a story. You are a brave woman. As the wife and mother of deer (and rabbit, and turkey, and squirrel!) hunters, that scares me to death.
Children can be so comforting, when faced with your situation. I've seen it at our school before. Even the ones you think are the most hard-hearted will surprise you with sympathy and encouragement. I think we underestimate them at times.
Sending hugs your way today!
Oh how my heart aches for you. I can't imagine what you have gone through. I have not had your loss, yet I was a new teacher when my parents both died within six weeks of each other in the fall of of my first assignment. Like you said, teaching helped you get through I can say the same. Grief can not be sequestered in the past because it helps us realize the beauty of the gifts of each new day. I hope remembering your son will bring you peace and strength to carry on.
I am so sorry about your son! I'm also grateful that you shared the story. I can learn from your bravery and love. I completely agree with the healing energy from our students and their parents, just as I feel it's here at ProTeacher as well. I've never experienced such sincerity as with the people I "know" here.
I'll be thinking of you today and tomorrow. I'll be remembering your heartache, but I'll also remember your love for your son. I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry for you as you mark an anniversary of remembering your son's birth and the sadness of his passing. I can feel your pain in your posting but I am grateful that you shared your story with all of us here at PT.
Be assured of prayers being lifted up for you at this difficult time.
Thank you for sharing your story of your precious son's life and death. As you said, "He will always be a part of you." Your last paragraph is poignant with the "Part of the Plan" must have been for me to have my school support system to keep me going in the darkest time of my life." We don't see the BIG picture, but God does. Why He chose to call your son home so early in life is a question that remains unanswered, but that He does have a plan is comforting.
Know that you will be called in prayer today as you remember your son.
I don't even pretend to understand your sadness. I have four children and I often take for granted that they are here with me. When I read your post, I stopped to reflect on how God's plan for us takes us on journeys we never expected. My heart aches for you and what you have gone through. Blessings on this day and those to come.
J.Elaine ... Big hugs, lots of prayers...I am so sorry you endured a mother's worst nightmare. I'll be thinking of you frequently in a very special way...that God continues to give you the strength to face each day...and to continue to make a difference in the life of a child.