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A Letter to gg
Old 12-20-2009, 05:48 AM
 
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Dear gg,
I am writing to offer you my sincerest condolences in the loss of your dear son, Corby. When I read your original post about his car accident my heart wept for you. I looked at the many messages of support and love that you had and wanted to add mine as well, but at the time I could not find the words. I have thought of you every day since then and wondered how you were doing, sometimes even wincing in sympathy for the pain and grief I knew you were experiencing. It is early morning here and once again gg my thoughts have turned to you. Though no one will ever know how you feel about the loss of your child, in many ways I can relate to your experience, you see many years ago when I lived in California I too got the phone call that no mother ever wants to receive and within a matter of moments my world was shattered with the news that my oldest daughter had been involved in an incident at the beach—after a brief drive to the beach with a neighbor, I learned that my oldest child, Felicia, had been caught in an undertow and was swept out to sea. As you know gg, there are no words to describe those minutes and hours immediately after an experience such as ours, that surreal mixture of pain and confusion that swirls around us and blurs your existence into a stage of numb automaticity as a coping mechanism.

I am sure that your son’s accident was an event that was reported on the local news; the same holds true for me. Felicia’s death was reported as “the first fatality of the holiday weekend” and my surviving children, ages 5 and 6 at the time, were confused about hearing their sister’s name on TV. But our little young military family was immediately embraced, supported, and comforted by our neighbors as well as the benevolence of hundreds of strangers in the community, and thankfully such was the case for you on the boards here on PT.

I remember the questions you had in your original post, the wondering and what-ifs. While I cannot offer answers as to why your dear son is gone, answers will come to you in time and you will feel them as they rise from within you in quiet, contemplative moments that will evolve into a level of wisdom that anchors your soul and heals your heart. I was so touched by your decision to have your son’s ashes scattered at sea, for you see gg, your action has brought a measure of closure for me because my daughter’s body was never found and for all these years she has simply been listed as “missing and presumed dead.” How I well remember the night we left California because we had been compassionately reassigned to Fort Bragg. As we flew over the Golden Gate Bridge tears were streaming down my face and my heart was being wrenched apart because we were leaving my baby there, alone in the cold darkness of the Pacific Ocean. Though I know in my heart that her spirit is no longer there, from time to time I am still troubled with thoughts of her “being out there all alone.” It has been many years since my daughter passed away and a part of me has always longed to return to the west coast, to that beach where I could spend time with my daughter. I have dreamed saying goodbye while I throw yellow roses into the ocean as a tribute to her. When I read your wonderful description of the kind and wonderful young man that your son was and your plans for scattering his ashes my immediate thought was, “Now Felicia won’t be alone anymore. She will have someone wonderful there with her.” I don’t know where that thought came from gg, but I hope you find it comforting in some way.

There will be many days ahead with ebbs and flows of pain and marvelous moments of motherly memories as you go through the grieving process. Again, I can promise you that you will find comfort and wisdom in surprising moments that seem perfectly crafted and tailor-made for your personal growth and healing. I would like to share one of my most precious healing experiences with you, gg. It was our family’s first Christmas without Felicia and in an attempt to assuage our grief, the tree in the family room was overflowing with presents, yet there was still a heavy heartache in our home. On Christmas Eve as we prepared to follow our tradition of hanging the stockings above the fireplace, we were struck by a dilemma--there in the box lay Felicia’s stocking. The children looked at us to see what we would do with her stocking. My husband and I were dumbfounded and faltered for a few moments before finally deciding to hang it alongside the others. After the cookies and milk were placed on the hearth and the children were all tucked in, their dad and I debated about whether or not to stuff Felicia’s stocking, we decided not to stuff it and we went to bed worried about what the children’s reaction to that empty stocking would be on Christmas morning. Little did I know at the time that the deepest, wisest observations in life often come from children. The next morning they both rushed into the family room and ran past the gift laden tree, stopping in front of the fireplace they looked up at the empty stocking and there were a few moments of absolute silence. My heart pounded with worry until I heard my son shout, “I knew it, I knew it, I just knew it would be empty! I was worried that Santa did not know that this year Felicia gets to spend Jesus’ birthday with Him!” And so it is and will be with your son, gg. Corby will be with you always and with Him always as well. Again, you have my deepest sympathy for your loss. I am here if you need to talk, just PM me.

Hugs,
NeeCee


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Old 12-20-2009, 05:53 AM
 
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I'm sobbing.....................I'm so sorry for your tragic loss NeeCee, and also for gg's horrible recent loss.

I hope that she will find comfort in your amazing words.
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Old 12-20-2009, 06:03 AM
 
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I'm crying too. I am so sorry you all had to endure this. I can't even begin to imagine what it feels like or what you are going through. I will be praying for you ladies.
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Old 12-20-2009, 06:05 AM
 
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May all who are in pain find healing and peace!
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Old 12-20-2009, 06:34 AM
 
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Such a beautiful, thoughtful, and comforting letter, NeeCee, from someone who truly understands. I will continue wish and pray for comfort and peace for you and gg. My love to both of you.


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Old 12-20-2009, 06:38 AM
 
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What a beautiful and thoughtful letter NeeCee. I know that your words will bring comfort to gg. While sometimes hard to find, good things come from every tragedy. I have lost two sisters at a young age, and have come to the point in my grieving that I look for and appreciate those good things that come.

Both of you are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so thankful for this community!
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Old 12-20-2009, 06:39 AM
 
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I am holding you but in my daily thoughts and prayers not only during this holiday season but each and every day. God bless you both.
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letter to gg
Old 12-20-2009, 06:44 AM
 
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NeeCee, what a heart felt letter from someone who understands the pain to someone who is newly experiencing the pain. I'm sure it took a lot of courage to write that letter.
Please PM gg, so she is sure to see it. She may not be able to get on PT right now and as fast as posts move to the second, third and fourth pages, it could easily be missed by her.

I am heading off to church in a few minutes. I will say a special prayer for both of you and your families.

gg, you continue to be in my thoughts daily. When you get time, let us know how you are doing.
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Old 12-20-2009, 06:48 AM
 
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WOW! How amazing for you to be able to share your loss with such kind and loving words for gg.

This truly is an amazing group of people who gather at PT!
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Old 12-20-2009, 06:57 AM
 
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Such a kind letter, NeeCee! Blessings to your family this year as you continue to cope with the loss of your little girl.
My thoughts and prayers will be with your family and gg!

Thank you for your kindness.


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Old 12-20-2009, 07:03 AM
 
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What an amazing letter. My heart is breaking for both of you for the losses you have endured. I hope gg sees this beautiful letter and finds some comfort here.
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Letter
Old 12-20-2009, 07:08 AM
 
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What a beautiful, thoughtful letter for you to write NeeCee. I am sure it was not an easy letter for you to write. As I was reading the letter, crying of course, I kept thinking that somehow you sharing your story with gg, may help her through this difficult time.
I will be thinking of you and your family, as well as gg and hers.

PT sure is a supportive place to be!
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Old 12-20-2009, 07:08 AM
 
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Peace and blessings to you and gg.
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Beautifully written heart felt message
Old 12-20-2009, 07:49 AM
 
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NeeCee,

I can't imagine not even being able to see your daughter's body. Your letter was beautifully written and the heart felt message touches all who read it as I'm sure will be true for gg.
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To NeeCee and gg
Old 12-20-2009, 08:00 AM
 
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NeeCee, you define compassion. gg and NeeCee, I am holding you both in my heart. I hope you can feel how many hearts are holding you right now.
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Old 12-20-2009, 08:02 AM
 
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I was thinking about gg in church this morning, so naturally I opened this posting first. NeeCee, your letter is powerful and speaks to the amazing ability of humans to connect with others that we many not know personally. Your words will impact other individuals dealing with grief on this site.

My family will pray that both of you continue to find peace in the coming days.
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This brings me great comfort today, NeeCee.
Old 12-20-2009, 08:06 AM
 
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As i sit here sobbing, I just wanted you to know that through your kind words I find great comfort as well. I have been telling many of you about my daddy's illness, and your words bring such a sense of peace to me today. I realize that each day will be a different emotion for me, but today, what a great joy to realize that soon daddy will get to see Jesus and spend Christmases with him, just as your children realized those many years ago. That truely is something to celebrate in this time of grief...what a wonderful comfort.

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Old 12-20-2009, 08:12 AM
 
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What a truly wonderful blessing to gg that you can share your experience with her. The sorrow has to be unmeasurable and being able to take comfort with someone who knows it should wrap itself around her like an angel's wings. I am sorry to hear about your family's tragedy...
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Old 12-20-2009, 08:18 AM
 
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That was beautiful.
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Cant find the words
Old 12-20-2009, 08:23 AM
 
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Wow.. I am crying for you both. Neecee, you are so strong and GG, you will be too. I have so many emotions for you both and can not put them into words. I am here for both of you.
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Such a thoughtful response
Old 12-20-2009, 08:23 AM
 
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Tears are running down my face. I'm so sorry that any of us have to experience any tragedy in our lives. I'm touched that we can lift each other up in times like this. I am grateful and honored to be part of the Proteacher family. God bless.
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Old 12-20-2009, 08:30 AM
 
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Oh, NeeCee, you continue to amaze me with your compassion and empathy. What a beautiful and thoughtful letter.
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Old 12-20-2009, 08:46 AM
 
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Beautiful words of comfort, NeeCee.
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I am crying right now
Old 12-20-2009, 08:52 AM
 
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and I have no words. My heart goes out to you both.
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Old 12-20-2009, 09:09 AM
 
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Thank you for your letter NeeCee. One of the students that I taught last year is in the hospital right now, battling cancer. It won't be much longer now. Your words are beautiful and comforting.
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Old 12-20-2009, 09:39 AM
 
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That was a wonderful letter NeeCee!! It was a great thing to do for gg and I'm sure she will appreciate your heartfelt message.

I wanted to let you know that both of your tragedies have reminded me to spend a little more time loving on my 3 kiddos. Sometimes they drive me to the brink of insanity, but you reminded me to hug them a little bit harder.
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Old 12-20-2009, 10:07 AM
 
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I pray for you NeeCee and GG. I can not imagine the pain that the two of you have gone through, but know that PT is here for both of you.
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We all have a story to tell
Old 12-20-2009, 10:31 AM
 
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I have been deeply touched by your message, NeeCee... I am so very sorry for your family's loss. Of course I had no idea. This goes to show that we all have our stories to tell, stories that, when shared, help us to know each other on a deeper level. Your words are very powerful... very thought-provoking.

I continue to keep gg in my prayers as she goes through these very difficult days... and I thank you for opening your heart to us.
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That was a beautiful letter.
Old 12-20-2009, 12:15 PM
 
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You are truly an example of someone who can turn their own personal tragedy into a way to help others. What a blessing you are.
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Oh NeeCee
Old 12-20-2009, 12:18 PM
 
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I am typing through my tears. What a beautiful letter you wrote! You and gg have my thoughts and prayers. I hope that your pain heals and that your broken hearts mend. Hugs to you both!!
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Old 12-20-2009, 12:35 PM
 
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I too am crying. NeeCee your letter is beyond beautiful. Thinking of you, gg, Felicia, and Corby. I am in Ca and my family love to go the beach. On our next walk we will make sure to remember both Felicia and Corby. God Bless.
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Old 12-20-2009, 12:43 PM
 
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What an amazing post NeeCee, so incredibly heartfelt and caring. It sounds like Felicia and Corby had something else in common, they both had amazing mom's. Wishing you both peace and love this holiday season.
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Not knowing what else to say
Old 12-20-2009, 12:47 PM
 
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that hasn't been said already... thank you NeeCee for your hearfelt letter. Hoping we all can find some peace this holiday season.
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Old 12-20-2009, 01:12 PM
 
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Add me to those who can barely see the screen as I type. Your letter to gg is beautiful and so heartfelt. Thank you for sharing your story not only with her, but with us.
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Old 12-20-2009, 01:39 PM
 
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What a lovely, yet gut-wrenching letter, NeeCee. I am so sorry to learn about your devastating loss, and I hope gg is able to derive some comfort from your wisdom and experience. I've been thinking of gg and Corby a lot as well, and am wishing Corby's family peace this holiday season.

NeeCee, thank you for sharing your children's wisdom as well.

I, like others, have thought of gg's loss, and been sure to spend more time with my DS. Time goes by so quickly, and days get hectic. Shared stories like these remind us to slow down and think about what is truly important.
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Old 12-20-2009, 02:08 PM
 
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What a truly inspirational letter! There are no other words that could comfort as much than those written by someone who has suffered a similar loss. May God bless both of you and your families.
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Old 12-20-2009, 02:15 PM
 
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Your ability to minister to gg after your profound loss is really awesome. That is one of the ways that God makes good come out of something very bad. I had someone who gave me the same type of comfort when I lost my brother and although I do not like grieving and will be happy when I'm in heaven and no longer have to grieve, I hope that I will be able to comfort someone in pain the way you have.
 
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I am so sorry
Old 12-20-2009, 04:31 PM
 
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for your families, and no, I don't have anything new to say except how much I admire your courage, empathy, and sense of friendship. God bless you both, and as always, prayers and good thoughts. May you have peace in your hearts.
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Thank you NeeCee
Old 12-20-2009, 04:42 PM
 
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Your letter offers love, hope, and strength to gg, and also helps the rest of us realize the blessings we might overlook every day. Thank you so much for posting such a beautiful message.
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gg & NeeCee
Old 12-20-2009, 04:50 PM
 
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Sending (((hugs))), thoughts, & prayers to both of you.
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gg and NeeCee
Old 12-20-2009, 07:43 PM
 
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My heart is bursting with sadness for you and all mothers who have to suffer this loss. Over the past year I have been reading a blogspot journal called Desert Year. It is written by a former teacher who had changed paths to enroll in seminary when the call came one night that her 24 year old son had committed suicide. She writes of the the sudden unexpected moments during the day--a chance remark, something on TV, seeing a mother and child in a nearby car--which can open the wound and of other deeply personal thoughts as she survives the first year without him.

Every time I light a candle during this season, I will pray for both of you.
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NeeCee and gg
Old 12-21-2009, 03:50 AM
 
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NeeCee - you are a woman of great strength and compassion. Thank you for sharing your story with your PT family as it has touched us all. I am so glad you and gg have found one another . . . the support of a friend, especially one who has "been there" is priceless. Sending support, hugs, and prayers.
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Old 12-21-2009, 03:58 AM
 
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Although I am currently really struggling with my relationship with God due to some traumas in my own life, I will pray for both NeeCee and gg to continue to find strength and for the rest of us to always remember to be kind, supporting, and loving to those around us. Both stories are very moving and grounding. Love to both of you as you navigate the holidays...
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Christmas morning
Old 12-25-2009, 05:58 AM
 
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What a beautiful, touching, heartfelt letter NeeCee. You have touched many hearts with this letter, mine included. God bless you. I hope someone has heard from gg...I think of her daily.
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I am always amazed
Old 12-25-2009, 12:56 PM
 
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at what a kind, compassionate group of people are here on PT. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes as I read your letter NeeCee and all of the heartfelt replies. My heart goes out to both of you, gg and NeeCee.
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Old 12-25-2009, 06:50 PM
 
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I just wanted to add to this list of those of us who are amazed at that beautiful letter NeeCee. You and gg are both in my thoughts. Your letter was said so elegantly and with such compassion. Thanks for taking the time to do that.
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what amazing faith
Old 12-25-2009, 08:34 PM
 
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NeeCee- as many others already said, your words touched my heart. I learned that you know that you have healed when you are able to reach out and help others. You have helped so many with your words of faith, and I thank you. I will keep you and gg, and your angels, in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your strength.
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So beautiful
Old 12-25-2009, 10:46 PM
 
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You are an amazing person Nee Cee. God bless you and your family.
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Old 12-26-2009, 06:06 AM
 
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And the children shall lead the way...hugs to you NeeCee...and to all of us experiencing any pain this holiday season...and every day.
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