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Need some parenting advice/discipline
Old 04-26-2017, 09:04 AM
  #1

So today my DS (almost 4) got sent home from preschool for not cooperating. DH went to pick him up and then called me. Teacher said that DS was throwing toys, not following rules. She separated him and put him at a table by himself, but then he threw his papers, etc. that were at his desk. Then she called us to come get him.

I have no problem with him being sent home if he was behaving so badly that she couldn't handle him. That's fine.

I want to know what I should do with him at home. He doesn't get TV, apps, etc. on a regular basis, so I don't know if I should take away something else? I'm not sure what the "natural consequence" is this time...He got sent home from school as a consequence of his behavior. What would I pair this with at home?

Sorry if I seem dense or stupid. He's been cranky at school before, but has never been sent home.

If he throws things at home, the toy (or whatever) goes to toy jail and he gets it back after a couple of days of extra chores and working around the house. Not sure what to do in this context.

Help??

Thanks!


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Old 04-26-2017, 09:09 AM
  #2

I'd start with talking to him when he's calm. What does he say? How was he feeling at the time? What did he want?

I'll just bet getting to the root of it will help you know what to do.

Hugs. Parenting is hard.
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Old 04-26-2017, 09:10 AM
  #3

I would give him time to cool off if he needs it, get him some lunch or a snack, and then role play with him.

Acknowledge his feelings. Put them into words for him if he needs it. Have him practice what to do when he is upset through role playing. Offer choices if he needs a little help.

Maybe he could help you come up with three things he can do next time (maybe ask for a break, tell his teacher, "I am feeling mad!", do deep breathing, think of something calming, or slowly count to ten) instead then he can give it to his teacher and apologize.

While getting sent home is serious, it doesn't sound like it's an everyday thing for him. I wouldn't harp on it but I would help him come up with alternatives so hopefully it doesn't happen again. Unless he was completely out of control, I don't see many schools sending home for that behavior. I think many places would set up consequences, redirect, give some space and try again, etc.
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Old 04-26-2017, 09:22 AM
  #4

What about a card/letter/picture of apology to the teacher for being disruptive? This may help him realize that his behavior matters---even if he's only 4.

Let us know what you decide!
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Just a thought
Old 04-26-2017, 06:03 PM
  #5

My daughter works with families on parenting issues and has just started using a new program. She has two girls 1 and 4. The four old has been giving her a run for her money too. She said she has been having good success using the same program techniques on her own girls. One thing the programs says is to acknowdege the feelings and help them find better behavior choices. So it goes like this. "It is okay to feel frustrated (whatever feeling they are having), but it is not okay to push your sister ( whatever action they chose). When we are frustrated we can tell others what is bothering us. You get the idea. She said she thinks really it is just letting them know we all have many feelings, some of which make it hard to make good choices. Don't know if that will help, but it is worth a try.


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Old 04-26-2017, 07:55 PM
  #6

Is this typical of him? If not he could have very tired. He might be getting sick. Maybe someone said or did something that really upset him and he didn't tell the teacher. If it is typical and you haven't checked in with his pediatrician about it, I would call for an appointment. Either way, at 4 years old I would tell him his behavior is not acceptable and let him know what the consequences are if it happens again. Take him to school and have him apologize to the teacher, or he cannot bring himself to do it, let the teacher know you dealt with it and let it go. The reason for my advice is, at this age this type of behavior indicates either one of the things I already mentioned, or that perhaps his preschool program is not developmentally appropriate and he is frustrated.

Nancy
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Find another pre-school
Old 04-27-2017, 03:44 AM
  #7

One that has some concept of child development. He's still three, for pity's sake!! He's not always going to have control of his emotions and he's not always going to behave like a mini adult. That's what they signed up for when they decided to run a pre-school. He also shouldn't have a desk. That's completely age inappropriate.

Obviously keep talking to him and keep reinforcing and praising good behaviour, but don't expect perfection, and don't roll over when the pre school's expectations are inappropriate.

They should be doing exactly what you do, and they should be doing it immediately. Nothing you do will have the slightest immediate effect because he will not connect your consequences with the behaviour at school. He's not going to connect being sent home with his behaviour except maybe in a "Yippee! If I do that, I get to go home!" . That's just a fact. He's three.
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